7 symptoms of emotional dependence and their relationship to insecurity

Emotional dependence is characterized as a toxic attachment to another person. To learn more about this topic, psychologist Karyne Santiago (CRP 06/161451) explains in the article what are the causes of emotional dependence, the symptoms and how to treat it.

What is emotional dependence

According to Karyne, “Emotional dependence refers to an excessive affective need from one individual to another. When we think of addiction, we usually think of addictions, and that’s basically what emotional addiction is.” The psychologist explains that the dependent person feels that he cannot exist without the presence of the other. It is as if he could only be happy, fulfilled, motivated and satisfied with the other, unconsciously disregarding his own individuality and the individuality of the subject he is attached to.

Santiago comments that this excessive attachment is more noticeable in romantic relationships, but it can happen in several other areas, such as family and friendship, for example. Finally, the psychologist adds that “generally, in emotionally dependent relationships there is a lot of jealousy, possessiveness, a constant desire to be “everything” for the other in order to have emotional stability, which ends up wearing down the relationship and causing a lot of suffering for the other person. dependent”.

What causes emotional dependence?

Karyne comments that emotional dependence can stem from a number of factors, “ranging from brain changes that activate the brain’s reward system, to cultural factors that create an idealized and distorted view of love.”

How to identify emotional dependence: 7 symptoms that indicate toxic attachment

The psychologist explains that, before talking about the characteristics of emotional dependence, it is important to say that only a specialized professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist can determine this “diagnosis”. Aware of this, Santiago pointed out the following signs:

• Difficulty making decisions individually: the dependent individual acts almost like a child (not least because much of this behavior is related to childhood experiences), demanding from the other to help make decisions for him. “This is because the person feels unable to perform such an act,” says Karyne.
• Submissive behavior: the dependent makes himself entirely available to the other, seeking to please him so as not to lose him and putting himself in some unpleasant situations.
• Feeling of dissatisfaction: this feeling runs through every relationship of dependence. According to the psychologist, “it is as if the dependent person never felt fulfilled with himself and needed the other at all times to make him happy, which can generate recurring discussions and conflicts between those involved”.
• Possessive jealousy: The individual may sometimes try to isolate the other from contact with more people, such as friends and family. This occurs due to the feeling of insecurity, the constant fear of losing the other, or, of ceasing to be the center of everything for the other.
• Need for attention: the person tends to want to be connected to another at all times, demanding attention and interest from the other. If they are far away, the addict can request constant communication by messages or calls, says the psychologist.
• Low self-esteem: the psychologist explains that “the dependent individual generally feels inferior to other people, unable to perform tasks, insecure to take possession of his independence, which makes him put himself in a submissive position of always wanting to please the other and wanting the other to meet their needs”.
• Need for approval: The person who is the focus of addiction is asked to reassure the partner. “The addict at all times expects to be approved and recognized by the other, to feel good, capable and safe”, concludes Karyne.

There are several signs that, if identified by a professional, can indicate that a person suffers from emotional dependence. The first step, then, is to seek help from this professional to find out how to treat it. With that in mind, Karyne talks a little about the treatment in the next topic.

How to deal with emotional dependence

The psychologist explains “that the process of elaborating emotional dependence requires psychological and, in some cases, psychiatric follow-up. This is because the addict cannot always see these behaviors in himself, and when he does, there is great difficulty in getting rid of these feelings”. Thus, Karyne states that the help of family and friends can be favorable, if they point out what is happening in a welcoming way and help her to seek professional support.

Finally, “psychotherapy is crucial in these cases to assist in self-knowledge, self-management and in the discovery of the factors that cause dependence”. Santiago explains that “emotional dependence can have other comorbidities such as anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, personality disorders, among others, which require therapeutic follow-up”.

As we have seen, emotional dependence has a multifactorial cause and can include several signs. It is important to seek psychological help to have the necessary support and to be able to treat this dependence. If you’re interested in psychology and topics like this, check out our tips for keeping mental health up to date.

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