7 keys to managing emotions intelligently

Manage emotions intelligently means channeling them to maintain balance and harmony. Thanks to this, we manage to be a positive force for ourselves and for everyone around us and we prevent our emotional world from taking away vital energy from us.

When our emotions manage to stay in balance we are more productive, more creative and happier. We prevent what we feel from taking over who we are. So, we managed to give a direction constructive to that subjective world, putting it in our favor and not against us..

With calm emotions we are able to set goals and achieve them. To have healthy relationships with others and be able to give the best of ourselves. Hence the importance of learning to manage our emotions. Achieving it only requires decision and perseverance. And here are seven keys to achieve it.

1. Understand that negative emotions do not exist

Emotions have a reason of being. Therefore, it is a mistake to classify them in the positive or negative group. You simply have to keep in mind that there are stimuli that lead to experiencing certain emotions. It is unavoidable.

The fear , for example, is a response to threatening situations. If we did not experience it, we would easily fall into reckless behavior. that would put our integrity at risk. Anger, for its part, is also a defensive response, whose role is to prepare us for the attack when there is danger.

Therefore, there are no negative emotions. To learn to manage emotions, the important thing is that we know how to interpret the message that each one of them communicates. They are a guide to knowing that something is happening and that this needs to be addressed.

2. Allow yourself to feel, to manage emotions

Traditional education and upbringing almost never teach us how to manage emotions. They convince us that there are feelings and emotions that we should not experience. They tell us, for example, that crying or being afraid doesn’t solve anything.

However, Emotions are not born just because, nor do they disappear just because. Therefore, repressing what we feel is not a correct way to manage them.. Trying to suffocate what you feel only postpones its expression. What is repressed returns and sometimes in a bad way.

The first thing then is to understand that all emotions are legitimate and have the full right to exist and be expressed. If we accept what we feel, it will be much easier to manage emotions. Not accepting it means creating confusion that ends up resulting in an internal storm..

3. Observe, observe, observe…

The best way to manage emotions is by accepting them, but also understanding them. To achieve this, it is essential that we increase our capacity to observe them. The mere fact of paying attention to them allows us to begin channeling them..

Daniel Goleman, the great theorist of emotional intelligence, indicates that “Attention regulates emotion.” This means that When attention is focused on what we are feeling, it automatically modulates or that subjective experience is qualified.

To observe emotions, the appropriate thing is to ask yourself: what am I feeling? how I feel? Then try to give the exact name to that emotion that is experienced. Is it anger or is it frustration? Rejection or is it fatigue? The more precise the identification, the more easily we will understand the reason for those emotions.

When we accept an emotion we are not feeding it. Accepting it consists of observing it, seeing what it is telling us. When we feel anger, instead of automatically letting ourselves be carried away by it, we can change it by observing what the emotion produces in us. When we analyze it we can realize that many of our reactions are automatic. Thus, we can learn to modulate our behavior without being victims of our emotions.

4. Be critical of our thoughts

Although it may seem to us that this is not the case, many of our thoughts arise mechanically. These are interpretations of reality, which are sometimes justified and sometimes not. Sometimes they are the result of reasoning and sometimes not.

Thought is not reality, but a filter for reality. It causes us to feel a certain way about what happens and often leads us to make mistakes. For example, thought can tell us that a difficulty is a nuisance. But it could also tell us that it is a challenge, an opportunity. However, This is achieved only when we dare to question those ideas and not simply let ourselves be carried away by them..

As they point out Cano and Zea (2012), “If we understand that All human beings think, act and react differently in similar situations.we will be able to understand that there are no absolute truths and that what is obvious to me and has no doubt, may not be so obvious to others.”. Although it may seem to us that our way of thinking is the only and most correct one, in reality, it is nothing more than another point of view on reality. If we internalize this, we will achieve more in harmony with ourselves and with others.

5. Promotes more positive internal dialogue

Closely related to the previous advice about thoughts is the way we talk to ourselves. Well, What we constantly tell ourselves directly influences how we feel and act.

For example, if we are frequently telling ourselves “I’m not going to be able to do this”, “I’m not capable enough” or “I’m never going to make it”, we are condemning ourselves to that being the case. In this way, we increase our emotional discomfort.

Therefore, The ideal is that we begin to identify these internal dialogues and, once detected, change and modify them for more kind and positive ones..

6. Practice relaxation techniques

Relaxation techniques are an excellent tool to channel unpleasant emotions such as stress or anxiety. Therefore, try to include them in your routine, especially in those moments where you feel invaded by your emotions.

Likewise, there are other activities such as mindfulness and physical exercise that contribute significantly to our emotional well-being.

7. Strengthen your emotional vocabulary

If we do not have a broad emotional vocabulary, we are more likely to confuse some emotions with others.which leads to incomprehension and ignorance of what is really happening to us.

For example, it is common that when a person feels disappointed or nostalgic, they confuse their feelings with sadness; Well, it is what is most similar to the two previous emotions. In this and other cases, Not knowing what you are really feeling contributes to emotions being intensified, repressed or not managed appropriately..

For its part, ignorance of emotional richness causes our relationships to be conflictive. Well, The greater the vocabulary, the more assertive we will be, we will express ourselves with greater precision and we will know how to identify the emotional states of others. (which translates into greater empathy).

Learning to manage emotions intelligently means being fully awake. Attentive and focused on our internal world. It may be difficult at first, but the benefits are so great that it is well worth it.

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