7 disadvantages of giving too much

There are people who have an XXL heart and would be able to give all their oxygen for others. before remembering that they also need to breathe. Now, the disadvantages of giving too much are not noticeable for a long time. And they are not because those who are accustomed to offering their time, their resources and their attention do so because they understand life in this way.

We cannot deny that there is something beautiful in the act of offering. One acts out of mere emotional, ethical and moral principles, out of that authenticity that is nourished by empathy and nobility. To act otherwise would be to go against one’s own ideals and personality.. That is why it is so difficult to open your eyes to discover the wear and tear that this can entail.

Sooner or later that day comes when you realize that Seeking the happiness of others has sometimes meant losing your own. Helping, giving and offering are character strengths, there is no doubt, but they must be exercised to a limit. Because going over the top implies falling into the void of disappointments, into the wound of the loss of integrity and psychological suffering.

We analyze some of those consequences.

The cost of giving too much

If there is something that We have been taught since we were children that giving and helping others is something we should always promote. What’s more, scientific literature focuses on the benefits that altruistic behavior brings us. Work such as that carried out by the University of Lübeck suggests that generosity changes our brain and encourages happiness.

It is clear that the act of giving not only affects the person who receives that altruistic action. Behavior driven by kindness above all improves the vision we have of ourselves. However, something we are not always warned about is that being an inveterate helper and giver comes at a cost. No one warns us that, like everything, the best thing is balance and knowing how to set limits.

Let’s find out what the drawbacks of giving too much are.

1. You experience emotional and physical exhaustion

There comes a time when you discover that you have made too much of an emotional investment in certain people. You have been left in the red in terms of spirits and energy to the point of having a very serious overdraft in terms of self-esteem. Giving and not receiving takes away from you, erodes you until it leads to great physical and emotional exhaustion.

Little by little your motivation to start projects fades, the desire is missing. and you begin to question the pillars on which until now you have built your objectives and plans.

2. You discover that you have attracted people into your life who are incapable of taking care of themselves.

One of the drawbacks of giving too much is having people in your life who don’t know how to take responsibility for theirs. Sooner or later, you become aware of the effect of having done everything for someone, making their life easier, solving their problems… You have given shape to an “existential disabled person”, someone incapable of assuming control of their things and personal reality.

3. Bad mood and irritability begin to dominate you

It is a matter of time before the rust of disappointment arises when someone orients their life to blind altruism. Sooner or later, the blindfold falls and they discover that not everything done is appreciated., that many efforts fall on deaf ears and that, when they need something from someone, it does not arrive. That relational disharmony, that lack of reciprocity and even more so that feeling of self-deception changes the mood of a chronic helper.

Disappointment is followed by bad mood and even distrust. To the point that The giver sometimes ends up speaking the language of reproach and disaffection.

4. You have a lack of self-love

Sometimes disappointments have an advantage: becoming aware of the reality of things. It is like someone who suddenly finds himself deprived of what had been his lifestyle and discovers evidence. That evidence is none other than the lack of self-love.

There are many people who always seek to be that hand that supports, those legs that run to solve problems and that back that carries everything for a very basic purpose. They want to help at all costs to please and thus have some substitute for appreciation.

Therefore, we must be careful with this vital approach. Because looking for external sources of love only brings disappointment and suffering.

5. You maintain codependent relationships

Another drawback of giving too much is realizing the type of ties we have with some people. It is common to give everything in exchange for nothing for the beings we love most, such as our partner, family, children… Indeed, Many times we are educated under the fallacy that loving means sacrificing and this has serious side effects.

One of them is to create relationships of codependency, emotional ties in which only the other is prioritized and one’s own needs are blurred. Sooner or later we also wake up to this reality to discover how much we have neglected ourselves.

6. They call you selfish when you try to change and prioritize yourself

The chronic giver and helper can pivot in their behavior and make a change at any given moment. However, Anyone who is tired of offering all their oxygen to others decides (for once) to reserve a part for themselves is branded selfish.. Not everyone understands that change.

7. You feel alone despite everything

Those who have directed their entire life to give their all and perceive that none of that has even been appreciated, feels the unfathomable weight of loneliness. It is not easy to manage that situation, that evidence. Perhaps for this reason, it is more necessary than ever to initiate a change, a reformulation of one’s own life.

Giving and helping will always be a great human strength, but let’s do it with balance. Because Giving should not be synonymous with renunciation, but rather an act of enrichment where both parties win.

You might be interested…