6 Reasons Why Some Older Kids Mature Fast (And That’s Not Good)

If you are the firstborn in the family, it is likely that you have been “lucky” to go through an interesting metamorphosis: at some point, you went from being the only child to being the eldest. Because of this, he possibly received new responsibilities, disapprovals and high expectations from adults. And all this for being the oldest.

We, from awesome.club, we analyzed the experience of older children, gathered the opinions of psychologists and tried to determine the path that young parents can take to raise happy and well-rounded children. And as a bonus, at the end of the post, we’ll talk about one of the great perks of being the big sister.

Research shows that older children tend to be more responsible and have a greater sense of community. This is because parents often place high hopes on them.

Parents, as a rule, get used to the fact that they can always rely on their older children, and do not always realize that they can get tired of constant responsibilities. The phrases, “Now you are the eldest child and you must behave like an adult”, or “you are the eldest and you must help, not hinder”, are unfortunately familiar to most firstborns.

I remember how my mother told me: “We will give you a little brother or sister, you will take care of him and learn to take responsibility.” So I thought I wasn’t waiting to learn responsibility, but I didn’t dare say it out loud. © LizavetkaBuyanit / Pikabu

My mother tried to raise a son who was responsible for his actions. I was only ten years old and I was already given responsibility for another, even more defenseless and vulnerable person. I even remember when we got together with friends, always with the younger children. We would walk with them, then go home and only then could we be free, for an hour and a half. Parenting at age ten: I’m still horrified when I remember. © S.Sever / Pikabu

I am the eldest of six children. We all took care of the youngest, but since I was the oldest, I became the second mother to all of them. Our parents always taught the younger ones to respect me like a big sister, and put me in charge of them, letting them know who was in “charge”. I never took advantage of it. As a child, we often fought and now that we are more adults, we talk more about our lives. If there’s a problem, they talk to me and I give my advice. If they need me to talk to our parents, I’ll help too. © rami56743 / Reddit

The older child is constantly forced to weigh his words and actions. After all, a younger sister or brother can reproduce this “bad” behavior. This is where forced self-control, early rejection of childlike spontaneity, and perfectionism come from.

Often, the fear of losing the respect of a younger child forces the older child to help the younger one with homework, chores, etc. Depending on the age difference, the older child may raise a younger sister or younger brother. This is how older children learn important leadership skills, while younger ones do not.

However, all this responsibility is exhausting. Probably all older children have had times when they too wish they had an adult sister or brother so they could relax and receive support from them.

I’m ten years older than my brother. I took care of him all my childhood: changing diapers, washing, cleaning, and even learned to cook. Now, I’m 25, single and don’t want kids. © Barmaley669 / Pikabu

I’m an only child. All my cousins ​​are younger. I dreamed of having an older brother who would teach me how the world works, so I wouldn’t have to figure it all out on my own. That’s probably why, since graduating high school, I’ve tended to have friends who are an average of five years older than me. © small_latchamatte / Reddit

If children fight or misbehave together, the blame for their antics usually falls on the eldest. It seems unfair when younger siblings misbehave and adults blame the older child for it.

Psychologists advise parents to be careful when making comments and not to take sides in conflicts. This can even become a habit: one child gets used to getting away with it, while the other will always feel guilty.

I am the eldest daughter and I have two younger brothers. She was punished for their mistakes as if they were my own. And even worse: for making mischief, precisely because I didn’t take good care of them. Besides, even though I was bigger, we fought as equals, and the biggest punishment was mine, for being the oldest. © nadyozha28 / Pikabu

As a child, I was a little manipulator. When I was really little, my brother and I were sitting in the back of the car and suddenly I started crying because he hit me. But really, he just said, “Boom!” I broke down in tears, putting my brother in big trouble. He replied that he had not done anything. But why would a cute kid (me) come up with something like that? Clearly it’s the fault of the oldest five-year-old… © Steph Long / Quora

Phrases like “you’re older, be smarter”, “you have to give in, he’s still small”, make the younger child believe that everything is allowed if he wants to. While the eldest thinks that the parents infringe her will, always in favor of the youngest child.

Rivalry situations between children are inevitable. And it is primarily the eldest child who needs parental support. It is important for him to understand that his role in the family is special, that he is very loved. Parents should value and praise their attempts to be patient with their youngest child.

I promised myself never to say to my children one of the most unfortunate phrases I heard in my childhood: “you are the oldest, be smarter”. My sister and I are almost the same age difference as my children, and of course I don’t repeat that to them. © MetalMaiden / Pikabu

My little brother makes fun of me and nobody cares, just because I’m older and stronger. © Tri7on99 / Reddit

Sometimes adults punish some of the children more severely and others more leniently. They set different requirements due to age or gender difference. In other words, some parents choose those who should be “protected” the most.

A Cornell University study found that 70% of mothers could choose a child they had particularly warm feelings for. Interestingly, only 15% of children surveyed believe that their mothers love all children equally.

In the future, this fact can seriously affect the self-esteem of the child who believes he is “least loved”. By adolescence, these children are more likely to develop bad habits. Also, tension between children increases if one of them feels less loved (or at least believes so).

If parents praise one child’s successes and virtues, they should praise the other’s as well. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and that’s completely normal.

One of the brothers will always be the favorite. My mother raised four children. She especially loved my second brother, because he is responsible and independent. I never heard my mother speak ill of him, but she often spoke ill of me and my first brother. © Sandy Morales / Quora

I would like to be the youngest child. My mother used to turn a blind eye to my younger brother’s antics and was very hard on me. Maybe there’s another explanation for this, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m the oldest. © Purplewavyline / Reddit

My brother and I are a year apart and we were inseparable. The main thing is not to compare, but to try to notice individual talents and praise them separately. Parents should buy the same food and toys for everyone. Much depends on the character and innate temperament of the children themselves, they may or may not get along with each other. © Angulema22 / Pikabu

An older child needs his personal space, as proof that the arrival of a baby in the life of the family does not limit him at all. Phrases like “give your little brother his toy” or “you should give your little brother your bed” heighten the sense of invasion of personal space.

Everyone should, as far as possible, have his own corner, with only his things. It’s about respecting your own boundaries and those of others. This makes it easier for you to interact with people. Someone lacking personal space and used to it may come to perceive rudeness and arrogance from relatives or colleagues as the norm. Or he withdraws and, at the slightest attempt by others to violate his boundaries, shows detachment or aggression.

We are three brothers and I always have to leave the rest of anything to the younger ones. Being a big brother can be pretty boring sometimes. © Champa_The_Great / Reddit We had a rule at home regarding all “received” gifts: they had to be for every child in the family. Even if it was the youngest’s birthday, the others also received some souvenir. When the eldest is just a three-year-old boy, he doesn’t understand why the other little brother got a present and he didn’t get anything. Even if it is a simple box of pencils, a chocolate or a toy tool, the child feels that he has not been forgotten. © Lotto / Pikabu

What problems between older and younger siblings have you (or your children) faced? What feeling do these memories bring you?