5 traits of emotionally immature people

The issues of maturity and immaturity are very much a myth. People do not accept being placed in a single box, nor being assigned a single label. Each one of us is a crucible in which different forms of consciousness intermingle. We are ignorant and wise, children and old people, childish and conscientious. All at the same time, although depending on the moment some characteristic stands out more than the rest.

Emotional immaturity could be defined as a condition in which people have not given up childhood desires or fantasies. Desires and fantasies that have to do with the world revolving around them, or reality bending depending on what they want. Likewise, emotional maturity could be defined as a state of strength and temperance that leads to realistic and balanced actions.

Rather than by an abstract definition, maturity or immaturity is shown through behavioral traits. Below we make a list of five characteristics that are typical of emotionally immature people.

1. People who are self-centered

A good part of the maturation process in people consists of understanding that the world does not revolve around them. The baby doesn’t know. That’s why he orders food at 2 in the morning and doesn’t care if it affects his parents’ sleep. As she grows, she learns to recognize that you don’t always get everything you want, and that other people and their needs also inhabit the universe.

Maturing involves getting out of the prison of the self. It means losing that illusion that surrounds the baby’s life: it is enough to ask for a need or desire to be satisfied. When little by little we give up that fantasy, we also become aware of a beautiful possibility: the adventure of exploring the universe of others. If all goes well, we learn to preserve the I and achieve the you.

2. Difficulty making commitments

An unequivocal sign of immaturity in people is the difficulty in making commitments. It is difficult for the child to give up what he wants at that moment to achieve a greater long-term goal. If we give him a treat and promise that if he doesn’t eat it for a while we will give him another one, the desire to eat the one he has in his hand will prevail.

With the maturation process, one begins to understand that sacrifices and restrictions are necessary to achieve achievements. And that committing to a goal, or to a person, is not a limitation of freedom, but a condition to project oneself better and in the longer term.

3. Tendency to blame others

Children assume themselves to be beings directed by others, who do not act at will. To a large extent they are, as they are in a process of training and insertion into the culture. While they are small, they believe that error must lead to guilt. They don’t care so much about the damage they did, but rather about the punishment or sanction they can impose.

Growing up is getting out of that state of sweet irresponsibility. Maturing is understanding that we are the only ones responsible for what we do or stop doing. Learn to recognize mistakes and learn new learning from them. Know how to repair damage. Know how to ask for forgiveness.

4. Establish bonds of dependency

For immature people, others are a means and not an end in themselves. Thus, as means that they are, in their view, they need them. They don’t need others because they love them, but they love them because they need them. Hence, they tend to build ties in which there are strong dependencies.

In order to establish links based on freedom, there is required autonomy. However, immature people are not clear about the concept of autonomy. Sometimes they think that doing their will is autonomous behavior. But When it comes to assuming the consequences of their actions, they need others to cushion, hide or lighten responsibility..

5. Irresponsibility in money management

Impulsivity is one of the most salient traits of immature people. An impulsiveness that is often expressed in the way they manage their resources, such as l money. Thus, in order to satisfy their desires, and satisfy them now, they have no problem buying what they do not need with the money they do not have.

Sometimes they embark on crazy financial adventures. They do not objectively evaluate investments and find it difficult to project themselves in the medium and long term. That’s why It is common for them to live in debt, all to satisfy whims.

All these traits of immaturity do not arise or are maintained by people’s conscious decision. They are almost always due to voids or cracks during aging. They may also be a consequence of unfortunate experiences that have prevented them from evolving. If you are like that, or know someone like that, it’s not about pointing fingers at them. In reality, the important thing is to become aware that boosting your own growth can lead you to a better life.

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Main image courtesy of Catrin Welz-Stein