5 keys to overcome feelings of guilt

I remember the day Enrique came to the office. Sunk into depression and, not without difficulty, he explained to me that, after more than thirty years of marriage, he had been unfaithful to his wife. His infidelity—which his wife was unaware of—consisted of having met a woman twice for a drink.

Regardless of what each one judges as infidelity, he felt what he considered a very serious lack of respect and an attack on the trust that his wife had blindly placed in him. All this caused him infinite sadness.

Guided by his remorse, he was able to tell her what had happened. and ask for his forgiveness, willing to accept whatever the answer was. She, who for a few days was immersed in confusion, offense and pain, soon understood that they should ask themselves the reasons for what happened and try to draw lessons from the experience.

Guilt immobilizes us

Few emotional states have the blocking capacity that comes with feeling guilty today for something that happened yesterday. The problem is that time never goes back and the course of events cannot be changed.

If we do not properly manage remorseimmobilization can appear in different degrees: from a slight feeling bad to a severe depression.

But there is a friendly side to this emotion. Because you have it too. I have experienced it together with numerous people: once the storm of symptoms and discomforts in its different forms has been worked through, guilt can mutate into a conscious and mature sense of responsibility.

We learn to shift the blame

We tend to blame others Spontaneously. Children learn this, for example, when, after banging themselves against a wall, they see their mothers hit the wall while saying “bad, bad wall!” Thus they shift the weight of guilt to ease their pain.

The feeling of guilt honors those who lack it. This unconscious maxim makes us transfer the responsibility for what happens to others: to the system, to the family, to the boss, to the couple… or to the wall.

In this way, we believe we preserve the nobility of our intentions and actions, without realizing the high price we pay for living in the toxic culture of victimhood.

Those who systematically flee from their responsibilitiesthey end up submerged in a sea of ​​impotence and frustration for not having enough capacity to intervene in situations and change their present.

Guilt contributes to our learning and growth

It is time, then, to overcome our current culture of guilt in its two versions: neither carry the weight of responsibility on others nor humble ourselves eternally before our pain.

As? Giving voice to regrets to translate them into practical lessons on how to be better people than before.

We throw on our shoulders a tremendous weight from very small. Perhaps for this reason, few things have brought me as much joy as living the release of guilt through responsible repair of possible mistakes made.

5 keys to overcome guilt and change your bad press

This emotion with such a bad reputation, it actually informs us that we have acted freely but with little consistency with our values. In the attempt to recover the correspondence between what we think and what we do, we may understand and manage guilt better and this may lead us to meditate, ask for forgiveness and amend our mistakes.

If we are able to leave her space and listen to herwe will let the guilt pass to a more conscious and mature feeling: of responsibility.

Taking these 5 keys into account, this change, which will relieve us so much and help us grow and advance in life, seems easier. Start by:

1. Regrets: an emotional X-ray

Try to identify the reasons that cause them. Try to find out if they are generated by you or are alien to you. Then put your thoughts in order. If you are given to writing, reflecting your thoughts and emotions on paper will help you a lot.

You can also resort to the technique of creative visualization. Try to visualize someone you have as a reference or, simply, someone whose judgment you trust and imagine the advice they would give you.

Whatever technique you use, the conclusions you reach will surely offer you the emotional X-ray you need.

2. Assessing the severity of the offenses

To err is part of nature, accept that you are human. What makes the mistake harmful is not the failure itself, but the inability to repair it.

Once assumed your fault, measure its severity and assess whether or not it is proportional to the intensity of your current emotions.

Trying to relativize is the key. Think that there are people capable of inflicting harm on others without feeling guilty and others feel the heavy burden of guilt for having eaten three chocolates for dessert.

3. Value forgiveness

Forgiving yourself will detach you from events, it will free you from all guilt and offer you a different point of view on the situation. Life sustains us and does not hold a grudge against us, so why should we do it?

The famous “I forgive, but I do not forget” It doesn’t make any sense: by forgiving we get rid of the burden of guilt, be it our own or someone else’s.

4. Transform guilt

Only repair can relieve you. Sometimes a verbal repair is usually enough. Other times we need to translate regret into action.

Symbolic or ritual acts have immense healing power. Often the people to whom we must make reparations are no longer present; Or maybe we carry the blame of past generations. In these cases, compensating third parties or taking actions on behalf of those who are not there has an irreplaceable therapeutic effect.

5. Learn from your mistakes

Use your experience of the mistake as a teachable moment. and try to identify what lessons life has given you. By incorporating them, you will realize the incalculable value of your mistakes and you will be able to make your mistake positive, taking advantage of it to grow and advance. This is applicable to everything, therefore it will not be difficult for us to internalize it.