5 Examples of sexist comments disguised as compliments

Sexism is easy to identify by a few prejudiced phrases, such as “a woman’s place is in the kitchen”. But gender discrimination can also be discreet, like so-called benevolent sexism, which is harder to spot. The belief that women are fragile, vulnerable and in need of male protection is hidden behind many comments, even well-meaning ones. Therefore, before accepting a compliment, it is necessary to clearly understand whether (or not) it has a hidden meaning.

O awesome.club will explain how to identify benevolent sexism and why the phrase “you’re not like the others” (and similar ones) isn’t as flattering as it might seem at first glance.

Man and masculine qualities are still a standard that women are often compared to. While current science has not found evidence that there is a difference between a female and a male brain, many women take the phrase “you have a male mind” as a compliment. In fact, these controversial accolades are a classic example of benevolent sexism: they underscore the advantages on the one hand, but on the other, imply that women struggle to achieve the same quality of work as men.

Examples:

“For a woman, you drive well/understand technology well/express your thoughts well.” “You look like a boy.” “You have a masculine logic.” “You don’t behave like a typical woman.” “You don’t complain like a woman and you know how to solve problems.”

Evaluating one’s appearance or certain parts of the body, even in the form of praise, can be a sign of female objectification. And this kind of comment made by a colleague or a stranger proves to be more embarrassing than, of course, made by a close person. Even if they mean no harm in praising a woman’s legs, many men would probably feel uncomfortable receiving a similar comment.

Examples:

“What a cleavage! How do I get back to work now?” “You look so sexy in that skirt.” “Good thing you don’t wear too much makeup.” “Our dear women beautify our office!”

This kind of sentence reveals a paternalistic attitude. Thus, your interlocutor may belittle you and underestimate the feelings and emotions you experience. Also, it’s more of an attempt to avoid arguing as equals.

Examples:

“You look so cute when you don’t understand something and you frown.” “All these conversations, these girly dresses and shoes are so adorable!” “Your pretty little head was created to think about something beautiful, not about serious problems.”

Comments about the feminine vocation are not just made by men: there are many women who tend to support sexist stereotypes. When someone tries to praise your abilities based on your gender alone, it’s a good idea to react gently but firmly. Any skill is worthy of respect and praise in its own right, not because it fits into a gender context or the stereotype of the perfect wife or mother.

Examples:

“How can you be so beautiful and single?” “You are so Beautiful. You don’t need a career. Your husband can support you!” “How cool that you prefer skirts to pants. She is a real woman!”

We tend to give affectionate nicknames to people close to us, but doing the same to people we don’t know is inappropriate and can even be humiliating. It’s better to think about whether you’d like to earn an affectionate nickname yourself before calling, for example, your colleague by one.

Benevolent sexism is a type of sexism that does not belittle, but emphasizes, characteristics traditionally defined as “feminine”, thus strengthening gender stereotypes. Complimenting the appearance of a close person is not forbidden; however, in a formal setting, avoid mentioning gender or details of physical appearance. If you wouldn’t dare give a man a compliment, you’d better not give a woman a compliment. Do not praise a woman for being a woman, but for her personal, professional achievements, character and qualities, regardless of gender.

And you, how do you usually respond to unpleasant comments?