5 characteristics to achieve a good relationship

Healthy relationships enjoy an aura of permanent happiness, constant falling in love, lack of conflict… However, none of this is true. In a healthy relationship, what predominates is love and not infatuation. The conflicts, that there are, are talked about. And it’s not always all happiness. There are better moments and worse moments.

Friedrich Nietzsche once said that “In love there is some madness, but at the same time in madness there is always some reason”. Could it be in that bit of reason where we can find the characteristics of a healthy relationship?

It is popularly said that when we find the person we love we go “crazy with love.” But it seems evident that in every relationship there has to be some sanity. You can call it a healthy couple, people who understand each other, or a thousand ways. But first of all we would say that It is possible to find balance, or at least that is what some experts believe..

To make this list we will base ourselves on the theories of the Catalan psychologist Encarni Muñoz. This relationship expert believes that, To have a healthy relationship, the first thing to do is listen to your own criteria.. What do you need from a relationship? Can the person next to you provide it to you? Let’s see.

Take responsibility for your emotional state

An important point to have a healthy relationship is that each member takes responsibility for their happiness. Thus, it is essential that love for the other starts with solid self-love and having a good self-esteem that reinforces the idea that we have many valuable things to contribute to the relationship.

Remember that If you are a person who undervalues ​​yourself, you may end up blaming or depending too much. of your partner. That is why the relationship must be equal, where both of you find a balance in the distribution of responsibilities.

Open communication channels to maintain balance

The second point that the specialist emphasizes has to do with the importance of communication to establish and maintain the balance that we have talked about before. For this it is key make use of empathy and know how to open channels of active listening.

It won’t always be easy, but it is necessary always maintain a capacity for understanding the other person. So, you have to understand his views and why he does what he does. We must be flexible and tolerant, despite disagreeing. You are on the same side and your goal is common.

Practice assertiveness as the best form of sincerity

A healthy relationship will never be based on lies. This is a basic point. That is why it is necessary for both parties to be sincere about the most important anchoring points of the couple. So, if there is something that bothers you, don’t keep it to yourself until you end up saturated and being the guardian of a lot of behaviors that have bothered you.

Besides, No matter how much our partner knows you, he doesn’t know 100% what you think at all times.. If you choose the route of taking everything for granted, it is easy for many situations to lead to arguments and negative dynamics. So, no matter how close you are, try to be clear when expressing yourself. It’s okay to show yourself vulnerable to your partners: they are people who love you.

Another aspect of assertiveness is the way of communicating those disagreements. As María Luisa Naranjo (2008) mentions in her article, When we use assertiveness to communicate we usually use reason and this means “Use language, common sense and the ability to reach agreements to resolve conflict situations. The result is well-being and self-esteem that is not damaged.“.

Trust is vital

The next point that concerns us is a classic in couple relationships. If there is no trust between both parties, common ground for both parties will rarely be achieved.. It is important that you create a positive breeding ground in which you feel confident and supported and in which you feel that the other also feels that way.

This way you will have the confidence that Every time you need to count on the other person, he or she will respond., supporting, helping to move forward, walk and walk. Furthermore, trust will ward off storms like those brought by jealousy. Think, if your partner loves you and you love them, what do you have to fear?

Live in the present being realistic

If one or both partners focus on what is to come, on changing the other person or on how tomorrow they will be a better husband or wife, there will be little future for the relationship. A healthy relationship lives in the present, in the here and now. It is good to talk about the future, but without allowing yourself to be strictly conditioned by ideas and expectations. What exists is the present and no matter how much we plan, everything is subject to change.

Just as you can’t live in the future, you shouldn’t live in the past either.. Virtually all couples have had problems. However, once they are overcome and forgiven, leave them there. Do not take them out every time there is an argument to use them as a throwing weapon or reproach. If past problems are so “serious” that we cannot leave them behind and they come to light every time there is tension, we must rethink the relationship. Many couples say they have overcome a conflict but continue to drag it on for months, even years. There are two options: work on the problem or if it is so serious, rethink the situation.

As Walter Winchell said, “never above you, never below you, always by your side”. So we can consider these as characteristics of a healthy relationship. Or at least, that’s what psychologist Encarni Muñoz considers it.

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