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4 signs that indicate emotional management problems

Those who have not acquired emotional management skills may appear cold and rude. Behind their behavior there is no bad intention, but a challenge that they are wrong to solve, a social challenge that they do not have the tools to overcome.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

The emotional world of human beings is deep, complex and fascinating, but also, at times, difficult to manage. A large percentage of people experience emotional management problems, seeing their relationships with others and their own personal well-being affected. And we are not always able to convey what we feel in an adequate way.

As social beings, people need reciprocity in our interactions. That is, we hope that when we smile they will smile back at us, or that others will show compassion when we cry. When we receive inappropriate responses we can feel hurt, offended and rejected.. However, that same person who did not know how to react also suffers the consequences, since on many occasions his true feelings are nothing like what he has ended up transmitting.

Identifying the signs of poor emotional management when we see them in others is essential. This helps us not take their reactions personally and, above all, to distinguish them from simple evil or lack of empathy. But above all, We must be able to recognize our own difficulties so as not to hurt ourselves or others because of them.. Thus, below we show you some of the most common circumstances that highlight this problem.

How do emotional management problems manifest?

Underestimate signs of affection

There are many people who show an inappropriate reaction when receiving gifts, favors or care. by others. What is expected in these cases is to respond with emotion, gratitude and affection; However, there are those who seem to belittle these gestures.

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For example, When receiving a gift, they may respond: “And why do I want this?” or “why are you buying me this nonsense?”. Or, if a loved one prepares food for you and takes it home while you are sick, react with: “I don’t know why you brought it to me, I already had dinner ready.”

These apparently unpleasant, cold and ungrateful expressions usually hurt those who tried to have an affectionate detail. However, the most paradoxical thing is that frequently The person does feel gratitude, they do appreciate the care and gifts, but they do not know how to manage those emotions; and, therefore, it is expressed in an inappropriate way.

Downplay positive news

A situation similar to the previous one occurs when, upon receiving positive news, the person does not express happiness, excitement or enthusiasm. For example, if a child happily tells him that he got an A, he can instantly argue: “you could have already gotten an A.” This response gives rise to thinking that she is an extremely demanding person or that she really expected more from her offspring.

But, What happens if you really feel joy and pride and are unable to express it? In this case there is a serious problem of emotional management that damages all those involved and the emotional bond between them.

React coldly and distantly to negative events

Emotional management problems do not manifest themselves only through inappropriate reactions to positive events. When complicated, negative or emotionally difficult situations occur, these difficulties are even more visible. And the thing is, those who do not understand their emotions nor have learned to relate to them healthily, They may show a cold, avoidant, and distant reaction when deep inside they are experiencing deep pain..

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For example, if a friend has lost their spouse, the expected reaction would be to be present, offering comfort and support. However, the person may not even call the person their friend, thus giving the impression of indifference and selfishness. Nevertheless, She may be devastated and it isn’t until someone emphasizes the importance of calling that she does so.

Not reciprocating physical displays of affection

This is one of the most common problems of those who have not achieved good emotional management. When their partners or family members hug or kiss them, these people remain still, rigid, and seemingly uncomfortable.

However, when asked, they openly affirm that these displays of love do not displease them; On the contrary, they comfort them and find them desirable. But, for some reason, they fail to reciprocate or react appropriately.

The importance of identifying emotional management problems

Do you recognize someone from your environment in the previous situations? Do you feel like you fit into some of them yourself? Emotional management problems are more common than we think; and, unfortunately, they are often poorly understood and misinterpreted. And, in the eyes of those close to them, these people tend to be rude and hurtful, although this is not their intention at all.

If someone close to you exhibits these behaviors, try to understand where they come from, ask yourself if they are motivated by an evil interest or just reflect an inability to manage their emotions. And in any case, express how they make you feel and what kind of reactions you would expect in their place. This type of assertive dialogue often motivates change, to a greater degree than reproaches and resentment..

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If, on the other hand, it is you who presents these difficulties, it is important that you do personal work on it.. Try to get closer to your own emotions, allow yourself to feel them, understand them and reflect on them. This clarity makes emotional management much easier. But, if this is not enough, remember that there are professionals capable of accompanying you in this process of change that will benefit both you and your loved ones.

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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

Martínez, AE, Piqueras, JA, & Inglés, CJ (2011). Relationships between emotional intelligence and stress coping strategies. Electronic journal of motivation and emotion, 37, 20-21.López-Pérez, B., Fernández-Pinto, I., & Márquez-González, M. (2008). Emotional education in adults and older people. Electronic Journal of Research in Educational Psychology, 6(2), 501-522.

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