4 keys to stop being a jealous person

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Why is jealousy in itself neither bad nor good? What can we do when they generate discomfort in us or in others? In this article we will address these and other issues related to the fear of loss in the social sphere.

From biblical passages, myths and odes, humanity has debated the consequences of jealousy. A feeling that has to do with the concern that what we consider ours will be taken away from us, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Jealousy is culturally transversal. Philosophers, artists and scientists wonder about the precise role they play in relationships. They are related to uncertainty, the feeling of lack of control and, above all, dependence and fear of loss. In many cases, they are very destructive, which is why in this article we want to talk about how to manage them.

“Jealousy is ordinarily nothing more than a restless tyranny applied to matters of love.”

-Marcel Proust-

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is a product of our social and biological nature. It is an emotional response to the possibility of losing a bond. Such perception can be adjusted to reality or completely imagined.

On the other hand, it is common to talk about jealousy in relationships, but the truth is that it can appear in different types of relationships: between siblings, between parents, children, friends or co-workers.

What we know is that they generate great discomfort. As well as uncertainty, obsessive thoughts and insecurities.

Jealousy, although in principle it should motivate us to take care of a relationship, in many cases what it does is motivate behaviors that damage it.

Keys to leaving jealousy aside

“If jealousy is a sign of love, it is like a fever in a sick man, for having it is a sign of having life, but a sick and ill-disposed life.”

-Miguel De Cervantes-

1. Reflect on what is behind your reaction

We said that jealousy is part of our adaptive emotional world. They work in our favor when they make us wake up and start taking care of a relationship that we do not want to lose, but which we are leaving aside. The issue is different when jealousy takes control of our decisions (cellopathy).

Read Also: The theory of social judgment: being right is not enough

Jealousy, as an element of the emotional world that it is, does not define you. Only They are a reaction to a perception that you can choose how to manage. They have a message, and also an energy, which can be very positive, but also very negative. The difference is what you do with them.

In many cases, jealousy is a reflection of internal insecurities., from a fear of losing what the person thinks they have. Thus, we see how many people, when they gain confidence, also gain control over their emotional world, including jealousy.

2. Evaluate your beliefs and your past

Our learning history has a powerful influence on our actions, our emotions and our thoughts. Do you think your fear of others leaving you has to do with how you learned to relate to others when you were little? It’s possible.

In fact, if so, the challenge ahead of you is to learn to relate in another way, to combine trust and honesty in a different way in the field of social relationships. In this case, what we recommend is that you search the help of a professional.

3. Work on yourself and your self-esteem

We have heard it many times, perhaps because it is true: Jealousy is above all the expression of internal insecurities. Why do you think they can leave you for someone else? Where does that belief come from? Why do you doubt if he loves you if he has told you several times looking into your eyes?

Look for activities that give you pleasure, set yourself a challenge a month, exercise more, start meditating. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Value the present: everything that is around you….

Read Also: 11 simple and effective ways to improve your attention

Imagine the worst scenario: that the relationship ends, that maybe there really is someone else… Does all this still terrify you? These are things that can happen! You will see that the pain you may feel is also pain that you can heal.

If we don’t have our lives planned, the less control we will have over the decisions others make. But we can do something with it, as Jean Paul Sartre said: “The important thing is not what they have made of us, but what we do with what they have made of us.”

4. Process and dialogue

Trust and communication are essential in a couple. The first is built through actions, but also through words.

Do you feel uncomfortable with a certain situation? Use emotional intelligence, open a space for dialogue and share how you feel. Many times, the other person simply ignores it.

Furthermore, when you feel that jealousy is very intense, you can use some of the most useful tools to control anxiety, such as relaxation. When you have a clearer mind to decide what to do, you will be able to make decisions.

Think that jealousy doesn’t care about anything, what matters are words and dialogue. Finally, we suggest that you seek specialized help if you feel that the situation, despite your desire for self-control, is causing you suffering; either directly or by taking actions that you would not take when cold.