3 reasons to be more inconsistent in relationships, at work and in life

Hello friends!

Consistency is a highly valued trait. I remember when I was little, I must have been 3 or 4 years old, they asked me what my football team was. As my paternal grandfather was from Vasco da Vasco, he said Vasco. A few days later, I was asked again, and I said flamengo (because everyone on the street was a flamengo). As soon as I said flamengo, someone else said it, but before that you had said vasco. Is it Basque or Flemish?

In this memory, we can see how we learned the importance of coherence from an early age. Those who are coherent are logical, say and do with connection, with connection, in a way that will be expected and maintained in the future, as a promise to be the same. Logical here does not mean being rational, but rather maintaining the principle of identity that says that A is equal to A, that is, if I say that I am Flamengo, I must remain Flamengo. My team is A and must remain A for life.

Of course, this football example is an example of little importance (except for those who love the sport). However, the issue of maintaining the principle of identity, of being logical in your statements, in short, of being and remaining consistent with your statements has two sides.

It’s great because it makes people trustworthy. If they say they’re going to do it, they’re going to do it. We can expect to keep the word of others, we will know how to act when we meet other people because they will tend to be identical to the last time we saw them.

It is also excellent because it allows us to act more quickly. Instead of thinking about each time, it’s simpler to say the same thing we’ve always said or done. Let’s say you go to an ice cream parlor for a year and try all the flavors. Then you come to the conclusion that flakes taste best.

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If they ask you, you’ll say it’s flakes and the next few times you won’t have to think too much about choosing. As flakes is the best will be chosen. In this sense, coherence avoids time-consuming reflections, loss of time, decision fatigue.

But there are several aspects that make coherence and maintaining a single point of view a big problem. In this text, then, I will talk about 3 reasons for you to be more inconsistent in relationships (love and others), at work, in life, in general.

Coherence, therefore, has its positive side and helps us a lot. But in many situations it turns out to be a real prison, which it is better to get rid of soon.

But before we talk about freedom, I would like to mention that coherence can have degrees of maintenance. An experiment by social psychologists in the United States facilitates the explanation.

In the experiment, 3 groups of volunteers were created. All of them had to say the length of a certain line, without measuring it, that is, they had to “guess” the correct measurement.

Group A had to respond by just saying it out loud.

Group B had to write on the board and then erase the answer.

Group C had to write and then sign at the bottom, on paper, in pen.

In the second moment, the researchers said without exception that the answers were incorrect and that they had the chance to change their opinion about the measurements. The group that changed the most was group A and the group that changed the least was group C.

What this means?

It means that coherence is maintained more if it is public, and even more so if it is written, that is, if the statement is printed in a way that cannot be erased.

Thus, several companies end up using this element in favor of selling more, making the customer first sign their interest in the product or even to sign the sales contract right away, as this way they will be less likely to give up later.

Reason 2: Individuality

In the example above, we can already see how the issue of individuality X collectivity has weight when it comes to maintaining decisions.

For those who are younger, the idea of continuing in a marriage that is not working out may seem incomprehensible. However, for those born between the 1940s and 1960s, the idea of indissoluble marriage was inculcated from an early age.

With that, if there was marriage, it would be for life. The marriage contract, on paper, public for all to see, had to be upheld at all costs. That is, social, collective opinion had more weight than individual opinion.

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I am not trying to defend one or the other position here. What I just want to show is that coherence, especially public coherence, makes us easy victims of other people’s opinions. It’s like putting the possibility of deciding in the hands of others.

So, not only in marriage, but in how many situations will someone justify themselves for the (wrong) decision they made as follows: “But what will they think of me?”

Reason 3: Happiness

As I said above, consistency has its advantages and disadvantages. When it is used by others or used by ourselves (against us) it becomes a trap that not only restricts our freedom and individuality, but prevents us from being happy.

Imagine a person who got married at 18 and, for consistency, has to live the rest of his life with a terrible person, just because he made this commitment publicly, just to maintain consistency!

Imagine someone who continues a relationship because, deep down, he told everyone – friends and family – that he or she was the right person, only to find out the opposite right away and it doesn’t end now just because he told everyone and doesn’t want to appear to be fickle!

Imagine someone who chose a college or profession and feels deeply unhappy and doesn’t have the courage to change so as not to be seen as insecure, changeable, flash in the pan, “someone who doesn’t know what he wants”…!

Finally, we can observe several situations in which being inconsistent is much better than being coherent. No wonder the great success of Raul Seixas’ music: “I prefer to be this walking metamorphosis, than to have that old opinion formed about everything…”