3 factors that stimulate a conflictive person

Sometimes it is inevitable to have to continually deal with a conflictive person.. Nobody is like this simply because they want to, but behind this there is usually a series of unresolved personal problems. Still, understanding them and having a normal relationship with them can overwhelm the resources of others.

A conflictive person has a pattern of behavior that induces continuous friction and aggressiveness. You tend to mismanage your emotions, blame others have extreme reactions and sometimes insist on being contrary. This makes contact with them often exhausting.

It is very true that the world does not have to adapt to the emotions or ideas of a conflictive person. However, when it is inevitable to hang out with a person who has this type of behavior, The smartest thing is to prevent them from triggering their neurosis or take us as the object of their difficulties. The following are three aspects that must be avoided so as not to have unnecessary problems with them.

How to identify a conflictive person?

Some signs that can help you identify a conflictive person are:

They are rigid and resist changing their maladaptive behavioral patterns. They are problematic. They tend to be aggressive and escalate conflicts disproportionately. They blame others for their mistakes. They have an “all or nothing” mentality. They find it difficult to integrate the “grays”, or the nuances of things. They find it difficult to regulate their emotions. They react disproportionately to the situation. They criticize others without basis.

Below we will review three factors that stimulate a conflictive person.

1. Talk to them about their behavior in terms of disorder

A conflictive person is generally not aware of his or her behavior.. If you go to fights or create tension with others, you are not doing it deliberately. Deep down she feels that she has been treated unfairly or that it is important to make her point of view.

Many times it is obvious that they have problems. They have fought with half the world and it is common for many to refer to them as intractable or too complicated people. It is not so difficult to see in them the anger, the resentment or the pain that leads them to act this way.

Talking about your personality in terms of disorders is a temptation that appears in those around you. This light analysis of their behavior neither serves anyone to raise awareness, nor does it correspond to those who are close.. The only thing that is achieved is to stimulate more conflict and also hurt the other. If you haven’t been invited to comment on their personality, simply don’t comment.

2. Remember the negative things they have done in the past

Another common situation with a conflictive person is that They carry a history of mistakes and, sometimes, harm they have done to others.. Sometimes it is very easy to take an inventory of the times when you provoked a useless debate or when you lost control or when you made a mistake in your judgment.

If the goal is to build a healthier and calmer relationship, It is not convenient to blame that long list of errors. The most common thing is that a conflictive person is continually on the defensive, so trying to make them realize their past mistakes is not only useless, but also leads to reinforcing their pattern of behavior.

It is much smarter to look to the future. You can ask “How do you think this can be resolved?” Or “What would you like to do about it?” You can also provide them with solution options, without impositions or pressure, since this could help them open their mind.

3. Despair stimulates a conflictive person

A conflictive person, You are generally very sensitive and react easily to the emotions of others. Therefore, it is likely that if you get angry and lose control in a situation, they will also fall into the same behavior, but almost always in a superlative way. They feel greater emotional vulnerability in situations like this.

Therefore, The point is rather to help them calm down, not to exalt them.. At least that’s what you should do if you want to have a healthy relationship with a high-conflict person. They are also very receptive to self-control or reassurance from others. So, if they meet someone who knows how to maintain their center, they themselves lower their guard and moderate their emotions.

How to treat a conflictive person

The following suggestions could help you deal with a disruptive person:

Don’t get defensive. Maintain serenity and keep in mind at all times that you will never win in an argument with a conflictive person. In her mind, you are the problem, and nothing you say or do will convince her otherwise. Pause before reacting. Breathe deeply and take a few minutes to collect your ideas and calm your emotions. Take a little time to let your stress subside. Reflect on the situation. Consider whether and to what extent the tension in your relationship with this person may be due to your own actions or attitudes. Don’t take it personally. If, after reflecting on the situation, you conclude that it is not your responsibility, try not to take their disruptive behavior personally. The problem is not you, it is her attitude. Be assertive, but not aggressive. Always communicate in a way that allows you to express your ideas without disparaging those of the other person. As much as possible, ask questions instead of statements. Conflictive people are very rigid and have strong opinions. If you can lead them to see potential flaws in their reasoning without telling them they are wrong, you might induce them to change their attitude.Limit your interactions. In some cases, the best thing you can do is walk away or reduce your interaction with that person to a minimum.

A conflictive person is someone who suffers. That doesn’t justify her behavior, but it does help to understand it. Their lack of self-control and their desire to generate conflict are also a way of expressing their discomfort.

Due to the above, It is not uncommon for them to sometimes become the scapegoat of others.. A bond is then formed in which there is continuous aggression and the discomfort of the conflictive person becomes the pretext for others to trigger their own neuroses. It takes two to fight.

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