14 signs of regret after an affair

One of the most difficult tests that a couple can go through is that of infidelity.

If you are living it, the breaking of that pact can be something that generates a lot of pain and insecurity in you.

We are not going to defend someone who cheats, but it is true that it is not an easy situation for someone who betrayed your trust. Especially if he still has feelings for you and the cheating was a mistake he regrets.

After the affair, if you still decide to forgive him and continue together, one of the most important things to look for in your cheating partner is genuine remorse. And you’re right to need it, it’s something basic to start rebuilding trust, which has been destroyed by their actions.

Although some signs of regret can be quite obvious, there are others that are not so obvious, and that can be just as important for the recovery and rebuilding of your relationship.

In this article, we will talk about those small details that are not so obvious, but that can help you regain trust in your partner.

The 14 signs of regret after an infidelity

1) He has confessed it to you without you discovering it

The first sign of regret after an infidelity is when your partner who has been unfaithful decides to confess his action without having to do so.

They say that “eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel”, so why would a man confess to a deceit if it is not out of guilt and regret? He wants to make things right, even if he’s not sure you can forgive him.

There is no other explanation, if he approaches you with the news of having cheated on you, and decides to put your entire relationship at risk, it is because he cares about you and is really sorry for having betrayed you.

You probably want to make amends and work as a couple to fix what hasn’t worked so far.

It is necessary to clarify that in any case, if you have found out and he shows the following signs, he could also feel genuine regret.

2) He is willing to talk openly and honestly about what happened

Another important sign of regret after an affair is when the cheater is willing to talk openly and honestly about what happened.

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He is not trying to minimize his responsibility or blame you for his actions, rather he is putting his cards on the table and taking the consequences of his actions.

You are willing to admit what you have done and take steps to fix the problem.

3) You will notice him distressed

According to Psychology Today, regret is a negative emotional state. Reason why, you will see this state reflected in their daily behavior.

If you are truly sorry, you can’t help but blame yourself for your actions and the consequences of acting as you did. And you will be able to observe that change in his attitude, not only with you but mainly with himself.

You may notice that if he could undo his mistake, he would. Feeling sorry is a painful situation for him too.

4) He shows a genuine commitment to working on the relationship

Another sign of regret after an affair is when the cheater shows a genuine commitment to working on the relationship.

This means that he will be willing to make significant changes in his life and behavior to win back your trust.

Not only will he apologize and promise that it won’t happen again, but he will actually make an effort to change other aspects of the relationship.

5) He takes the time to listen to your needs and concerns.

Another sign of regret is when he is willing to listen to everything you need from him to regain trust.

It is likely that this is not a short list, and you have many conditions that will need to be met in order to trust him again.

So if he is patient, understanding, takes responsibility and accompanies you to overcome the pain and the feeling of betrayal, it means that he is truly sorry.

6) He is willing to accept the consequences of his actions

When an unfaithful man repents, he is willing to accept what his partner decides regarding the relationship.

If you decide that you can’t continue with him and that it’s better to separate, he will be understanding and support you anyway. He will not try to force you to stay in the relationship. And if, beyond accepting the separation, he continues in contact with you trying to make amends and win you back, it means that he regrets his actions.

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7) He is more aware of how his actions affect others

Another sign of regret after an affair is when the cheater becomes more aware of their behavior and how their actions affect others.

This means that you consider much more, and more often, how your actions affect your partner, family, and friends.

He also knows that he must take steps to prevent his actions from harming others in the future.

8) Seek professional help

Sometimes mistakes happen and there can be many reasons behind that require professional help.

If he is willing to seek that kind of help, such as starting therapy, it may be an important sign that he is truly sorry.

Professional help can be a way to address the problems that led to the deception and help to work on the origins of the problem.

9) Change their behavior patterns

If before you had to mention something to him 10 times and now he is attentive to those things that he knows bother you, it is a sign of regret.

When he recognizes and changes those behavior patterns that hurt you, he’s showing how much he cares about you and his desire to make up for his past mistakes.

Sometimes an infidelity could have been motivated by addictions or other ailments, in which case if he is willing to work on these issues, it is a clear sign that he feels guilty and wants to improve to continue by your side.

10) He is patient and understanding

Getting over an affair and regaining trust can sometimes take a lot of time and work.

Even after months or even years, you could still feel the pain of the betrayal, despite the fact that he has worked in every possible way to make things better between you. If this is your case, it is important to observe his attitude.

If you are patient and understanding no matter how much time has passed, it is a sign of your regret.

If, on the other hand, he loses patience and stops tolerating your mistrust and needs, he may not be able to recognize the magnitude of his actions and you should review your relationship and the possibility of separating.

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11) He never blames you

A man who feels true regret will act like an adult and take responsibility without blaming you.

Guilt and shame can be overwhelming emotions for the cheater, but it is important that they not direct them at their partner.

Although it is true that relationships are for two, and that things generally do not happen unilaterally, if he is aware that the greatest responsibility falls on him, it will never occur to him to blame you for anything.

In any case, even if he understands that he cannot hold you responsible for anything, it is important that you can identify the weak points in the couple and that could have led him to betray you.

It’s not your fault, but understanding the whole scene, without considering that he is solely responsible, will help you get over it.

12) He has asked you for forgiveness as many times as necessary

When a cheater is willing to apologize sincerely and without expectations, it is a positive sign of repentance.

Although forgiveness is not guaranteed, asking for it sincerely and without expecting anything in return is an important way to take responsibility for the infidelity and show repentance.

13) It seeks to provide you with security

When he is caring and willing to provide you with safety and comfort during the recovery process, it is one more sign of regret.

This includes, of course, things like not having contact with the person they were unfaithful with, showing you love and affection on a consistent basis, spending more time with each other than usual, and working together to rebuild trust in the relationship.

14) It shows you that you are his absolute priority

If before he neglected the relationship, did not spend enough time with you, broke promises, was late and acted inconsiderately, but now you notice that you are always at the top of his list of priorities, it is a sign of regret after an infidelity.

He probably realizes how much he’s neglected the bond and you, and knows what it takes to rebuild it.