13 Scientific Theories That Explain How We Choose Our Life Partners

Long ago, scientists determined the features that make some people more attractive: a correct waist-to-hip ratio, symmetrical facial features, and strong immunity. But for some reason, in real life these rules don’t always work. So why among a huge number of men and women do we lose our heads only to a certain person?

The team of awesome.club became acquainted with the research of scientists on this subject and underlined 13 criteria by which we choose a life partner. Some honestly surprised us. In the end, we bring you a bonus, which explains why we often fall in love with “inappropriate people”.

David Frederick, with the help of his experiment, highlighted the traits that are found in the first place when choosing a partner:

An attractive physical appearance it is important for 92% of men and 84% of women.
a slender figure it is essential for 80% of men and 84% of women.
A high and stable income of the couple is necessary for 74% of men and 97% of women.

David Frederick’s research also showed that men tend to choose younger, more attractive women, while women prefer successful men with an above-average income. But there are aspects that are important to both: similar political and religious views, communication and good character.

It is fair to recognize that people sometimes resemble primates in that they also choose their mates according to the same criteria. Beauty (health) and access to resources are the main factors when looking for a life partner.

Agnieszka Sorokowska of the University of Wroclaw demonstrated that the body’s natural scent helps gather information about a potential partner. It’s a matter of the level of hormones and the state of the autonomic nervous system, which determines the type of skin microflora. The brain’s ability to react to another person’s scent is built into us genetically.

A woman is interested in a man because his natural aroma indicates: this “male” will be able to maintain the home, procreate and contribute to its survival. The man feels the same: this woman will be able to give birth to healthy and strong children.

The American psychologist Alice Eagly argues that in our time it is the social rather than biological processes that determine life partner choice🇧🇷 If ever women were attracted to men endowed with money and power, it was only because society had restricted their rights to gain and influence independently.

Men, more than before, value women’s autonomy and professionalism. The ability to prepare and carry out domestic activities, all of which was important in the last century, is no longer considered a priority objective. These modifications show that our choice and our values ​​are influenced by cultural norms.

We resemble the people we are in frequent contact with. This explains the fact that many choose one person among their best friends. Romantic relationships between celebrities, which begin during filming, also serve as confirmation of this theory.

According to research by Lucy Hunt of the University of Texas, some people seem more attractive to us just because we spend a lot of time in their company and we can learn more about his inner qualities and his character. At some point, this becomes more important than physical attraction and sympathy ensues.

Psychology professor at Otterbein University in the United States, Noam Shpancer, indicates that the existence of social skills, that is, education and communication, listening attentively to the interlocutor and showing interest in him, as well as human warmth, are mainly valued when choosing a partner.

“People who are kind and affectionate with us are considered more interesting and win the ‘choice marathon’”, says the researcher. This is reflected in the love for people who treat us with kindness and understanding: doctors, psychologists, teachers and coaches.

Gad Saad and Tripat Gill at McGill University conducted a very interesting experiment. Boys and girls were asked to rate each other’s attractiveness based on the characteristics they were given. For example, “7 out of 10 people think you’re kind” or “3 out of 10 people think you’re aggressive.” After that, the boys decided who they wanted to meet.

Participants chose the variant with positive characteristics. Furthermore, scientists have shown that girls tend to be more prone to manipulative effects than boys. The opinion of the people around us is often an important factor when choosing a life partner.

David Perrett of the Scottish University of St. Andrews, conducted a fascinating experiment: he gathered photos of his students and, with the help of a computer program, changed their sex. He then asked his students to choose the image that appealed to them the most. Most selected their “pictures”, finding their own attractive features. Naturally, the comparison with the “ideal” is made on a subconscious level, but in any case, it ultimately influences the choice of a life partner.

One of the reasons for this choice lies in the fact that it is easier for us to communicate, understand, get to know and trust those who speak our language and share our values ​​and culture. The second psychological reason: if your partner is very good and is similar to you, then you are good too.

But there are also many examples where people are looking for a partner who does not look like them. Anthropologist Helen Fisher highlighted four different types of temperaments and explained why we are attracted to a certain type of person and how hormones influence this.

She highlighted 4 basic personality types:

researcher (high level of dopamine): likes to take risks, seeks adventures and is very curious;
constructor (high serotonin level): values ​​order and traditions;
director (high testosterone): is analytical, reasonable and logical;
mediator (high estrogen level): Is selfless with a rich imagination.

According to Helen Fisher’s theory, we don’t always look for a similar type for ourselves and often apply the rule of complementation: when people are different, they “balance” each other.

The father of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud proposed the idea that we find those who already exist in our minds. Contemporary scientists John A. Bargh and Ezequiel Morsella have also shown that the subconscious is an important part of our personality. Furthermore, many of our decisions can be explained from the point of view of neurophysiology or acquired experience.

According to research by Lynda Boothroyd of Durham University, there is a connection between the father’s relationship with his daughter and her romantic connections. Girls who have problems in their family often choose a partner who doesn’t look like their father. Or the opposite: the good relationship with the father becomes a reason why an adult girl is looking for a companion who resembles him.

This also refers to men, as the Oedipus complex is also present to some extent, as in women of the Electra complex. For example, a boy, whose stern mother was overly protective of him, looks for a girl who looks like his mother, hoping that she will solve all her problems.

Carl Gustav Jung had the initial idea of ​​archetypes. Your book Gods in Everyman: Archetypes That Shape Men’s Lives was used by Jean Shinoda Bolen, who proposed it as a basis for describing the main types of popular men in the ancient Greek gods:

Zeus: powerful and authoritative;
Poseidon: violent and temperamental;
Apollo: intellectual and prudent;
Dionysus: cheerful and curious.

Previously, Jean Shinoda Bolen had also described women through the archetypes: Aphrodite, Demetra, Hera, Athena, Artemis, Persephone and Hestia. Of course, in any man and woman there can be a mixture of one archetype with another. But there is a dominant type that influences the important decisions we make, including choosing a life partner.

Scientists Barton and Halbestadt, from the University of Calgary, carried out a curious research. Girls were given pictures of boys and asked to choose an appropriate name for them. Almost all the round-faced kids were called Lou and George because they sound like “round,” and those with the most chiseled faces were given names like Pit and Kirk.

Then the participants discovered the real names of the boys. If the name matched or was consonant with the ones the girl had chosen, the level of sympathy for the guy unexpectedly increased and she was ready to continue communication.

In the experiment by psychologist Joan Kellerman, from the University of Massachusetts, 72 students, who did not know each other, participated. He asked them to break into pairs and look each other in the eye for 2 minutes.

Later they confessed to having a feeling of passionate love or affection for the other person. “This allows us to hypothesize that long periods of eye contact can connect you greatly with someone and even spark a love for a person you’ve never seen before.”

Scientists have discovered the main reasons why we choose people we are sure we cannot succeed with:

Persecution. People are more satisfied with what they have achieved with great difficulty. As Elite Daily writes, our brain produces much more dopamine when we are looking for something we want, and the longer this pursuit lasts, the more we will receive “the pleasure hormone”. This is why we are sometimes attracted to people who are not attracted to us.
ego. Rejection becomes a big blow to our vanity, however weak and tactful it may be. And when someone says “no” to us, we are willing to do everything to make them change to a “yes” as quickly as possible.
Inaccessibility. People who have the highest social demand, in general, seem more valuable, intelligent,…