12 steps to take better care of yourself

“The secret is not to run after the butterflies… It is to take care of the garden so that they come to you”. Mario Quintana

Hello friends!

In Psychology of Eastern and Western Religion, Jung argues that it is typical of our Western world to expect salvation to come from outside. However, as I have said many times here on the site, the only person who will accompany you throughout your life – at all times – is yourself! Therefore, it is both logical and useful to learn how to take better care of yourself.

Some tips:

1) If you feel like it’s not something to do, don’t do it

Decisions imply the exclusion of alternatives. Many times, after the consequences, we regret what we chose, but from the beginning we knew that it would not work. You know when you feel, deep down, that it’s not something to do? So, probably this feeling – which we can technically call intuition – is an important tool, because when deciding we should not only take reason into account.

Veja – How do you know if something is going to work?

2) Say exactly what you mean

Verbal behavior is one of the most complex. Throughout our lives, we continue to learn how to speak. Better say, what to say and when to say it. As a general rule, it is healthier to say what we feel, how we feel, how we think than to hide our truth.

It is also healthier, in the long run, to tell the truth right away than to “gild the pill”. A half-truth now will sound like a falsehood in the future.

See – Lies have short legs – it’s better not to lie

3) Don’t try to please everyone (all the time)

There is a famous quote that says: “I don’t know what the secret of success is, but the secret of failure is trying to please everyone”. Each person has their own interests and, in this way, will evaluate their actions according to their own interests. As interests are not identical, it is really impossible to please everybody.

Furthermore, spending your life doing what others want is a form of alienation from your own path. This does not imply an exacerbated selfishness, it just means that if you spend your life doing what others want you to do, you will tend to distance yourself from what you came to do.

See (in the professional part) – Difference between profession, vocation, mission and passion

4) Trust your instincts

The word instinct reminds us that we are animals too, which doesn’t mean something bad or derogatory. We can see, then, that we are part of nature and have needs that are beyond the culture in which we are inserted and that do not change: we all need to eat, sleep, have a productive activity and entertainment activities (rest), sexuality, etc.

So reliance on the senses means two things: one, when we are tired, we should rest; when we are hungry, we must eat; when we are thirsty, we should drink water and so on. Second, human instincts – which are not many – also serve as a warning about certain dangers. Which is why fear and anxiety, for example, are not necessarily pathological states.

5) Never speak ill of yourself

This is a precious tip. Thinking badly about yourself will not bring anything productive, nor will it bring about change. That’s why it’s so important to start having the ability to accept praise and the ability to deal with criticism.

When we speak badly of ourselves, when we depreciate ourselves, we are not contributing to our psychic well-being, nor to the world.

Veja – Exercise to decrease self-criticism and increase self-compassion

6) Never give up on your dreams

Persistence is inseparable from success. It is very rare, if not completely non-existent, for a person or company to have achieved success without any kind of difficulty or mishap. But if the dream were to be abandoned, there would be no success. Therefore, it is necessary to have a broader horizon of perspective. Perhaps the goal will not be achieved on time, however, if the goal is maintained, it can be achieved.

7) Don’t be afraid to say no

If you say yes when you mean no, you are trying to please the other person and at the same time you are displeasing yourself. It’s very important to say no when you mean no. Especially in decisive moments. Saying yes to whining afterwards will be a great source of pain.

Veja – Learning to say no! And the difficulty of saying

8) Don’t be afraid to say yes

The previous rule does not contradict this one. When we want to say yes, we must say yes. Why not try? Why not give it a try? Why not have a new experience?

9) Be kind to yourself

As I said at the beginning, only you will accompany you throughout your life, at all times. Why not treat yourself well? Take care and be affectionate with the person you are? If others have treated you or treat you badly, let it go.

Veja – Self-compassion: how do you treat yourself? 3 useful tips

10) Let go of what you can’t control

Irritation, discontent, anger and sadness are usually caused by things beyond our control. For me, the typical image of displeasure with life is that of the busy and stressed businessman. Because he wants to control what he can’t control (the economy, the behaviors of his employees and customers), he maintains dissatisfaction almost all the time.

It’s better to change the focus: keep your attention and care on what you can control, do your best and your part and be happy.

See – What You Can and Can’t Control

11) Get away from negativity

If we turn on the TV or read the newspapers, we see a small part of what happens in the world. However, as we tend to generalize, we may start to think that everything is horrible, terrible, ugly, destructive, that everything is threatening and terrible.

As I always say, at the same time that a robbery takes place, a child is born, a person is healed, a discovery is made, a new technology is launched.

Moving away from negativity doesn’t mean repressing what’s bad, but coming to understand that life is much bigger than just negative news and events.

Veja – Challenge: go 21 days without complaining

12) Love

Love is mysterious. It’s hard to define what love is, but I believe we all know what it is. As Plato says in his book The banquet, there is the erotic love (Eros) of lovers, the love of peers and colleagues and for things and ideas (Philia) and there is the love that we can call universal love, for everything and everyone (Agape).

True love does not cause suffering, as it aims at the best for others, it is constructive, generous, beneficial. So love: love what you do, love a place, a pet, a person, all people.

Veja – What is love for Positive Psychology?

Love for Psychoanalysis

Love for Behavioral Psychology – Positive Reinforcement

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