12 questions to evaluate your emotional dependence

You may wonder if you have ever been emotionally dependent. Have you ever wondered if you are really in love? Have you stopped being in a matter of days or months? Have you thought you were in love but discovered that you just “needed” to love another person and a relationship?

If you answer yes to at least one of these questions, You are probably in the group of people who have emotionally dependent behaviors. It can be applied to both women and men, although it is true that this behavior is usually perceived more in women. However, this does not mean that it is a matter of gender, but rather a matter of sexual hormones.

Questions to know if you are emotionally dependent

These are the 12 questions you should ask yourself and that can make you see if you are really emotionally dependent or not:

1.You are trying to mold the person Who do you think you are in love with?

2. Have you discovered in past relationships that you have a tendency to idealize people?

3.You project onto them how you want them to be. instead of what are they like?

4. Is your focus mainly on how your partner treats you, rather than how he or she really is on the inside?

5. Are you overly impressed by the way this person makes you feel special?

6.You make your partner responsible for your happinessgrief and security?

7. Do you feel anxious or panicked when you are not with your partner, or when he or she doesn’t call you when you expect it?

8.You have a list of expectations that your partner has to meet to feel loved and safe?

9. Do you feel like you can’t live without this person?

10.Do you feel lonely and empty inside unless your partner is with you, giving you the attention and approval that you are not giving to yourself?

eleven.You are jealous and possessive with your partner?

12. Do you try to be in control of getting your partner to do what you want him to do?

The answers

These questions do not have the same professional validity as a psychological test, but it is true that Answering these questions can help us know a little more about how we are in this regard.. They can help us realize our tendency toward emotional dependence.

Emotional dependence is an important aspect, since it can be the seed of great suffering. Furthermore, we can say that its origin lies in the love that comes from fear and this is not love, it is need. As the Buddhist nun Tenzin Palmo states: “Attachment says I love you, therefore, I want you to make me happy and Genuine love says I love you, therefore, I want you to be happy.” It is therefore important to know if our relationship is based on dependency and attachment or on true love.

Emotional dependence can come from the inner emptiness that we create when we abandon ourselves. When this situation has arisen, We expect our partner to fill that void and make us feel loved and safe. We attribute all that work that we have not done and that is our responsibility to our partner. Therefore, when our partner does not satisfy us, we mistakenly blame them for our unhappiness.

How do you become emotionally dependent?

Once we have made our partner responsible for our own happiness, security, and self-worth, we begin to develop the need for control over him or herand thus get him to love us artificially.

This particular shape coincides exactly with what we want. The sad thing about this part of the process is not realizing that we are creating “something” artificial, something that moves away from pure and unconditional love. We enter, little by little, into a relationship where we project onto the other what we are looking for instead of opening up and flowing in the relationship.

What is it to be in love?

The pure love that we all have the right to enjoy, enjoy and feel in this life is a love without conditions, unconditional, without “buts” and without seeking a single personal benefit. One of its pillars is the fact of never asking to be loved, and therefore never controlling or trying to dominate in a relationship.

Love is based and originates in the unconditional execution of the “couple” giving and sharing, never seeking to achieve. When you love someone you value their essential qualities intensely and deeply. and personal, those that do not disappear over time and make the person you love unique and unrepeatable.

The problem of many people lies in the constant and even exaggerated search for love. and the need to have a relationship; This approach being harmful to your own person, since it will lead to a closed heart with controlling behaviors, which precisely drives away love.

How to open myself to authentic love then?

We can open our hearts by focusing on being loving and focusing on learning at all times to love ourselves and, consequently, our partner. He left you some ideas:

Be loving to yourself and those around you, It will allow you to experience love in a much more respectable way for yourself and the people you love. If we do not love ourselves, our essence cannot see or love the essence of the other.Low self-esteem can make us emotionally dependent, in our desire to achieve love. Loving yourself will make you less fragile. In addition, it will help you better interpret your partner’s needs and claims.

Perhaps, it all comes down to giving ourselves the attention and approval that as human beings we need to feel fulfilled and grow internally in our lives. One of the main keys to falling in love and staying in love is learning to love ourselves.

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