12 phrases that fathers and mothers should avoid using with their children

Many people underestimate the power of words, but few know that a “badly said” phrase can change a person’s life. This is especially true if we are talking about children, who absorb everything like sponges. Scientists confirm that a cruel attitude in childhood has a devastating effect on the physical and emotional state of a future adult. In this post, you will find out what consequences the use of the most common phrases by parents can have.

O awesome.club understands that it is impossible to change the past, but it is perfectly possible to try not to make the same mistakes.

What the child hears: “Your dad and I are part of the same team and if I’m mad at you, so will he.”

Consequences: A child thinks that if her father supports her mother unconditionally and no one wants to hear her version of what happened, it means that both are against her. This gives rise to feelings of loneliness and lack of confidence that, with age, will become stronger.

How to improve the situation: In general, children behave better when their father is at home, as they consider him an authority figure. That’s why it’s important to show your child that you know how to control the situation. If you need to tell your father all the information, ask your
son if he himself wants to tell everything. Teach him to recognize his mistakes and to do so as sincerely as possible.

What the child hears: “Not even your favorite teddy bear is yours and we can take it away from you at any time.”

Consequences: thoughts of terror are instilled in a small child, since everything that he got used to (room, clothes, toys), “in reality” is not his. Their favorite things become the main object of blackmail, and soon after such phrases, children begin to understand that material things are much more important than everything else.

How to improve the situation: The little things that seem insignificant to an adult are very important to a child. The most crucial moment in their upbringing is to show that they are really loved and that no one is going to manipulate their feelings with the help of the most precious thing they have, even if it’s a teddy bear.

What the child hears: “If something bad happens to your parents, then you are to blame.”

Consequences: some parents are convinced that a child should be grateful to them for giving him life, so any objection is taken as a personal insult. Therefore, a feeling of inferiority appears little by little.

How to improve the situation: to begin with, you have to understand that a child is his own individual and the main goal of parents is to raise a good person, which in a moment will have to let go. Forget the phrases “you drive me crazy”, “it’s your fault I have a headache”, “one of these days you’re going to kill us”, among others. Instead of dramatic shows, clearly explain the essence of your grievances, if they really exist.

What the child hears: “no one will like you like this”.

Consequences: such “predictions” provoke fear for the future and lack of confidence in their own strength: if the closest people say that nothing will work out for me, then it will be so.

How to improve the situation: pay more attention to your child’s character, and not to his appearance (which will change many times), do not impede self-expression. And most importantly, believe in your child, even if at this moment his image is far from what you would like to see.

What the child hears: “It doesn’t make sense for you to try hard, you won’t achieve anything anyway” and “you can’t be trusted”.

Consequences: such “care” takes away a child’s desire and does not give him the opportunity to learn something new. When she grows up she is unable to become independent and the only thing she will ever be sure of is that she is a loser.

How to improve the situation: for a child, it is important to understand the role he plays within his family and, for a healthy self-esteem, he must be able to do what he knows how to do very well. For this, practice is very necessary, so be patient and invent tasks that your child can do independently. If you see that there is something he can’t do, don’t help him, it’s better to ask stimulating questions to help him complete the task.

What the child hears: “You don’t live up to my expectations, if you were good you would have gotten a 10.”

Consequences: adults quickly forget what it’s like to be a child and frankly believe that they have no problems and no reason to worry. But children can also experience stress for a variety of reasons, so don’t make the situation worse. Do not infect your child with “the good student syndrome”, which in the future can lead to tragedy.

How to improve the situation: do not forget to ask your child how his day was, and if you noticed any difficulties, try to help him. If you notice that he has given up on something, teach him to see any problems with perspective. In this way, you can reduce worry, help him find the strength and desire to try to do the task again.

What the child hears: “I’m stronger, that’s why I’m always right.”

Consequences: intimidation and physical abuse lead to health problems such as migraines, arthritis, low back pain, asthma, hypertension, chronic fatigue and depression, among others. During research, it was discovered that there is a connection between a negative experience in early childhood and the physical state of an adult person.

How to improve the situation: with the help of a relationship based on trust and frank conversations, it is possible to achieve much more than with threats and a belt or a slipper.

What the child hears: “Nobody cares about your wishes.”

Consequences: the more pressure there is on a child, the more he will resist. In the future, he could be either one of two extremes: a weak person with a complete lack of opinion, or a rebel who will do everything wrong on purpose, even to the detriment of himself.

How to improve the situation: always explain to your child your position and why you want it to be so. It is possible to come to an agreement, so it is better to listen to each other and be sincere. For example, if a child wants something very expensive as a gift and you don’t have the money to buy it, you can say, “I know you want it, but we can’t afford this one. We can buy this other one, do you want it?”

What the child hears: “I don’t care about your problems” and “I don’t believe you”.

Consequences: by denying a child’s fears, his problem is not solved. Any emotion (even if caused by your imagination) is real, and with these words you only teach her to hide her true feelings and worries. Children like this form closed and insensitive adults. One cannot ignore childhood fears.

How to improve the situation: try to talk about these monsters with your child, make him understand that you believe in him and that you will always be near. Stop using the word “no”. For example, replace the phrase “Don’t make it up, there’s nothing under your bed” to “Let’s see, let’s make sure there’s nothing”.

What the child hears: “You are evil”.

Consequences: when you feel like mentioning your child’s faults, it’s worth remembering that he copies his parents’ behavior. And remember, the way you call it will reflect throughout your life. That is why it is possible to guess what kind of child he will be in the future if he hears frequently: “lazy”, “rude”, “filthy” and “stingy”, among other words.

How to say it better: show him decent behavior by your example. If you say hello to your neighbors, take out the trash, and are attentive to others, then your child will “inherit” these traits as well.

What the child hears: “Service by service”.

Consequences: this tactic works for a while, but soon your child will start to “negotiate” with you: “I will get good grades this term if they buy me a new computer”, “I will walk the dog for two hours if I get one videogame”, among other things. This familiar model distorts the real reason why a person should do things.

How to say it better: explain your position and why it is important that he does what you ask. Try not to buy your child’s behavior: sooner or later it will get out of hand.

What the child hears: “I do not like you”.

Consequences: every rude word will return in the future. Parents are often surprised by the negative attitude and contempt on the part of their own children, but they don’t remember that during childhood they forgot to treat them with respect.

How to say it better: before starting a dialogue with your child, try to understand yourself: why are you feeling so uncomfortable with this typical childish behavior? Possibly, the problem was formed by an accumulation of negative concerns and your child should not become a “lightning rod” for them.

And you, what do you think about these phrases? Do you think there are others that should not be said to children? Tell us in the comments below.