11 steps that will help you resolve your conflicts calmly

Conflicts are very common in our personal relationships. However, many people do not know how to solve them properly.

Are you often in the middle of conflicts that do not interest you? Every time you are in the middle of a problem, do you get stuck and don’t know how to solve it? It has happened to all of us and if there is something that is constant in our lives, it is change and this always generates some type of conflict.

But don’t worry, here we will give you some tips to learn how to deal with these situations. We will help you prevent problematic people from throwing you off balance.

Why do conflicts arise?

The first thing you have to take into account is that the people who start the conflict are usually dissatisfied with some aspect of their life. They are the ones who feel little heard or misunderstood and look for ways to make themselves heard. For you it may be nonsense, but you should not underestimate situations until you know all the arguments.

Conflicts can also arise from the need to demonstrate power. A boss with low self-esteem or a colleague who sees how you handle yourself with intelligence and elegance. These people want to show that they are the ones who are valuable, that they have the power and believe they have authority over you. Be very calm. They just want you (and whoever) to pay attention to them.

Steps to resolve conflicts

To resolve these conflicts, you need to work on staying calm in tense moments. Learn to listen, value and understand others. Here you can read what things are important to do when conflict is inevitable.

1. Listen carefully

Always stay calm and remain silent. It is essential that the other person be heard. That’s why he’s making so much fuss. If you listen calmly and attentively, she alone will begin to lower the tone of her voice. She speaks when there is a little calm. If she asks you why you don’t talk, she just tells her that you’re listening.

2. Don’t interrupt

Let him speak freely and express all the justification for the conflict and anger with you. You should give him the benefit of the doubt, because maybe he is right and you are speaking ahead of time. Your interlocutor wants to be heard, to demonstrate his power. Allow it. There are people who can’t find the channels to assert themselves and feel overwhelmed, that’s why they scream.

3. To resolve conflicts, put yourself in the other person’s shoes

Think about why it is like this. Maybe his job is too stressful, or his life is not going the way he wanted. Think what would happen to you if you were like this. Understanding your interlocutor will help you better understand the situation and resolve it better. Don’t lose your cool.

4. Reaffirm what your interlocutor says

When you can speak, tell him what you understood he explained to you. “What you want to tell me is…”, “yes, I clearly understand what you want to tell me…”. This way, the other person will see that you are listening to them and that you are giving them all your attention. Many times that is just what they need. After reaching an agreement on what the other person says, you can express your opinion.

5. Admit that you are not right if that is the case

Admitting that you were wrong in front of others shows how much confidence you have in yourself. Very few can do it, you should try. If this is the situation, you will end the conflict quickly and raise everyone’s opinion of you.

6. Visualize the other person in their best facet

If you know some detail about your interlocutor’s personal life, something he likes to do or something nice related to him, try to imagine him doing it. Every time you think about him relate it to that. This way you will be able to speak to that other face, because you will address him in harmonious and happy terms. Try not to let the most violent face be the one you have in mind, so you can always start a conversation on good terms.

7. Attack the problem, not the person

It is very possible that you feel negative emotions towards your interlocutor: anger, exasperation, etc. However, when discussing your differences, remember to depersonalize all your comments, as Making the problem personal will only escalate the conflict.

8. Ask the right questions

It may seem silly, but the art of asking is something that can be trained. A because?” At the right moment it opens the doors to deeper or simply good information. Take advantage of pauses to ask about the other person’s feelings and thoughts.

9. Focus on the future

If the conflict has been brewing for a long time without being addressed, it is very possible that there are events that are struggling to come to light: offenses, bad acts, mistakes. Even so, Don’t let these moments be anything more than examples that serve to direct solutions toward the future.

10. Present your arguments delicately

Sincerity is never at odds with respect. It is very likely that some of your opinions and arguments may be painful for your interlocutor, so it is your responsibility to present them in the most appropriate way.

Remember that you should never twist what you want to say to soften it, but rather adapt the message to the emotional needs of the other person.

11. Look for solutions to conflicts where everyone wins

It is easier to find a solution for yourself than one that benefits all parties to the conflict. In fact, on many occasions there is a bias towards “we all give in” rather than towards collective gain. This is a bias that must be eliminated from collective thinking, so Put all your creativity into finding a good agreement for both of you.

Read Also: Making the decision not to have children: what effects does it have?

If you can remember these steps when you are starting a conflict, you will surely resolve it efficiently. You will finish them very elegantly and you will be able to optimize your time very effectively.