Why We Don’t Like Being Told What To Do (And How To Respond In A Constructive Way)

We human beings often yearn for independence. Both children, teenagers and adults don’t usually like to hear what they need to do and rebelling ends up becoming a necessity. In psychology, this is called reactance, a resistance to rules or regulations that seem to threaten some freedoms. Although this behavior is common in situations like the ones mentioned, the tendency to be exalted can lead us to emotionally hurt other people or even ourselves.

O awesome.club will tell you how we can remain calm when someone tells us to do something. And, on the other hand, how to deal with people who simply hate receiving advice or instruction.

Make a list of your emotions and reactions throughout the day when faced with options limited by rules or even when your freedom seems threatened. It is important to learn to recognize when the rebellious “me” can be harmful to ourselves or those around us.

To avoid reactions that could lead to fights or relationship problems, it is convenient to work on tolerance and understanding of reactance instead of simply being a person who responds negatively without realizing it.

Managing one’s emotions, in addition to the need for observation, requires discipline and practice. So naturally the inner rebel will work for us, not against us. Some attitudes can help, such as taking a deep breath before emotions surface and working to get responses that take into account the people around you.

Maybe you don’t like doing certain things, but remember that it’s not worth fighting over unimportant matters. In this way, in addition to adopting a responsible attitude towards yourself, you avoid problems in the relationship.

It may happen that we are dealing with someone who simply hates any type of advice or instruction. For such people, inverse psychology can serve as a tool. It is useful, for example, for children (between 2 and 5 years old) and adolescents who refuse to listen because they feel that their freedom to act, think or feel is being restricted. To use reverse psychology, you can just create a mystery or give options in the face of a situation. To positively influence, try not to use emotional manipulation to your advantage.

They say that empathy, that is, putting yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor, can help to reduce psychological reactance, that is, it can serve to understand that no one threatens the freedom to act in the other.

A person who hates being told what to do may, subconsciously, harbor feelings related to the loss of autonomy, that he is being treated like a child or that he is losing control over his own life. To avoid these sensations, it is necessary to observe and interpret the situation, as these ideas are often not true.

Behind what might seem like an order, there may be good advice from someone who cares about us and gives us instructions with our health or well-being in mind. In this sense, it is necessary to learn to choose the answer wisely, and not simply want to “be right”.

Negative thoughts or feelings like anger are unwanted reactions that can arise after receiving an order. Take some time to think about how you want to respond, and remember that behind a suggestion or referral, there isn’t necessarily someone trying to control you.

Acknowledge the emotion and remove yourself from the situation if necessary, or try using anger management strategies such as cognitive restructuring, in which we replace negative, unhelpful thoughts with more reasonable ones. Instead of thinking “they want to control me”, for example, consider “it’s not exactly what I would like, but it’s for my own good”.

Anger is a natural response and can be expressed with determination, but without aggression, that is, in a healthy way. For this, we must learn to express our real needs, without hurting the feelings of others, in addition to speaking with respect.

If you need to calm down, do it inwardly. Try to slow your heart rate and let the feelings pass before reacting negatively.

Persuasive messages can be perceived as threatening, especially when blunt and controlling words are used, such as “should” “should” or, above all, “must”. But other terms such as “consider”, “may” or “could” are less challenging and thus serve to prevent reactive behavior.

To make a less threatening message, another suggestion is to use a softer note, such as the well-known PS (postscript, in Latin), after communicating something “authoritative”. This will help people understand that they are free to decide for themselves what is best for them.

If you feel you need help improving your personal relationships or learning to control your emotions, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Do you have a funny story involving a bossy person? What advice would you give for dealing with people like that?