Why Men Don’t Often Talk About Their Problems (Psychology Explains)

Almost everyone knows that one of the main secrets of lasting relationships is good communication between spouses. Talking about your own problems, expressing emotions, thoughts and plans for the future helps to strengthen ties and maintain the health of married life. However, it often happens that one of the partners — most often the man — prefers to keep feelings and emotions to himself.

But, after all, why are men usually so closed?

O awesome.club tells, in this post, the reasons why they usually have so much difficulty opening their hearts.

In theory, things are quite simple. We know that, in order to keep the relationship “oiled”, it is extremely important to establish constant and clear communication with our better half. But in practice, things are quite different. We discover that our partner (or partner) apparently speaks a different language than we do.

Professor of Psychology Gregg Henriques, from James Madison University, in the United States, explains that there is a condition known as alexithymia, described as a difficulty in describing emotions and feelings and that affects most men. This condition, as just mentioned, makes it difficult to verbalize emotions. This, however, does not mean, in any way, that they “have less emotions” than women. It just has to do with your difficulty expressing those feelings.

The reason why many men develop the aforementioned alexithymia has to do with a well-known fact: that society — in the vast majority of countries — encourages women to express their own feelings. In their case, however, this type of behavior is often seen as a “sign of fragility”. According to clinical psychologist Barbara Markway, author of The Self-Confidence Workbook: A Guide for Overcoming Self-Doubt and Increasing Self-Esteem, women generally feel more understood, relieved, and relaxed after opening their hearts and talking about the problems themselves. Men, on the other hand, generally see this type of attitude as a kind of “window of vulnerability” that opens a gap for them to be judged, criticized and misunderstood. For this reason, they usually avoid talking about their own feelings at all costs, an attitude that, in turn, sediments a kind of taboo that already exists, feeding a kind of cycle that never tends to end.

In these circumstances, men end up dealing with their own emotions in other ways, usually taking them to other contexts. In an article published on the specialized website Psychology Today, the aforementioned doctor Barbara Markway argues that these feelings considered “vulnerable” by male members end up manifesting themselves in reactions considered more socially acceptable in most societies.

That way, instead of crying, they explode in tantrums or just don’t show any emotion and end up dealing with it silently. But men also have their outlets. For example, while many girls prefer to have coffee with their friends to vent, guys do this while playing their favorite sports or taking up some other hobby.

In a study carried out by the Department of Psychology at the University of Amsterdam, in the Netherlands, men and women were exposed to different situations so that they could have their emotions evaluated in each case. The results showed that they tend to be more capable of identifying feelings of love, sadness or frustration. Interestingly, according to the same surveythey experienced with greater intensity the emotions to which the research group was submitted, but practically did not demonstrate the ability to identify them, which is why they expressed their feelings shyly or decided to repress them.

As we said, putting effective communication into practice in life as a couple is not an easy task. But it is possible to adopt some measures to improve this process. The first thing to do to let your partner know what your feelings are (and make it clear that they are important) is to choose quiet places and situations for them. The tip is also valid in reverse, as a way to make your husband or boyfriend open his heart. After all, for men it is also important to talk about their own feelings. And having a frank and open conversation will always help to get the best out of the relationship and overcome any crisis.

And you, how do you express your feelings? In your opinion, what should men and women do to improve communication in their life together? Share your opinion in the comments section!