Why don’t they understand that “no” is “no”?

In my grandmother’s time, at the beginning of the 20th century, women had to “pretend” to keep your reputation respectable women. If they liked a boy, they had to hide it and wait for him to come over. If he came close, he had to play tough, and pretend not to want to be courtedfor him to insist.

The duty of men was make an effort to see if any would give way. He also insisted on testing the women he wanted. They had to seem very interested, and very committed, even if it wasn’t true. Women could only let the one who wanted to marry them approach, and they could not interact with other men to always maintain their image of a virgin woman.

Women had a lot at stake in this: they could not agree to kiss or go beyond kissing because the worst threat to them was stay single, and pointed out as easy women. So, like it or not, they had to play hard, suppress their desire, stop the desire of the other, and assume that their sexual life would be null until the day of the wedding, while they vented elsewhere. Those who gave in to temptation knew what the punishment was: pregnancy before marriage, and a boy who runs away in terror because he doesn’t want to marry a woman. easy woman.

The evolution of “no is no”

This double standard It is what makes women, instead of saying “yes”, have to say “no”, and resist as much as possible so as not to fall into the arms of the man who desired her and whom she desired. Because a good fuck could end everything foreverand being single in a world where women could only work in the fields, was a condemnation to poverty and loneliness.

Later, when the woman had resisted like a champion and had made the betrothal, he found that he had to continue a bit in the same, because men distrust women who enjoy sex a lot. She had to look like they were doing their duty, enjoying the fact that the male was powerful, but not so powerful that she didn’t look like an indecent woman.

So the “no” was sometimes “no”, and sometimes it was “yes”, but it was difficult for men to understand it, especially considering that for them women were things, and they were there available to them. sexual harassment was romanticizedand it continues to be so in the movies: the insistent always ends up achieving his goal, breaking down the walls of the princess who resisted love with his patience and perseverance.

Today things have changed a lot. Now we women can say “no” when we want to say “no”. But heMen still do not understand or assume the “no” and the rejection in someone who is supposed to be “deep down” wanting it. We have lived many centuries in that double standard that makes us women always have to be available to the demands of the male, seeming that we do not want to do it, but wanting it very much. Very “in the background”.

Now when we want to make love we say “yes”, or we propose it, subtly or openly. AND when we say “no”, it is that we do not want to.

We explain it over and over again, but in the patriarchal imaginary the idea persists that when women are forced, deep down we are enjoying it. They think we like rapebut we pretend not to not look like nymphomaniacs.

They think that what we women want is to make ourselves want, and that it is enough to insist. They think that we have a very big ego and we need a lot of compliments, but that we’re actually willing to give in and surrender to the sexual or romantic claims of the other.

Knowing then where this confusion comes from, now we can all be clear about it: in the 21st century when a woman wants to have sex with you, she has them, and she enjoys them feeling free. When a woman doesn’t want to have sex with you, she doesn’t, and she says it without fear and without guilt: she doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t want to, and he won’t want to later, and she doesn’t ask you to make an effort to seduce her with the manual of beautiful phrases. He doesn’t want to, period. He is a free human being like you.

How to take no for an answer

It’s very simple, you just have to take a deep breath and start the acceptance process: he doesn’t want to, and I can’t do anything but respect that he doesn’t want to. I have tried, I have shown interest, but he has told me that he does not want to, and he does not have to give me any further explanations: he does not want to, period.

If you look at the context, it’s easy to understand why a woman should be believed when she says no. Now we don’t care about reputation anymore, we choose who we want to sleep with, how many, and how we want to do it. We choose if we want to have a crazy night or if we want a lasting relationship, we choose how long that relationship lasts, and we no longer have to look like asexual women to be respected.

We don’t have any need to hide that we like sex and how we like it, or how often we do it, so we do it when we want. And when we don’t want to, we don’t.

And being everything so simple, it is easier to understand that now we are all free to say yes or no, to flirt for a while or get to the sexual encounter if things flow, to stop when we no longer feel like it or when we are not enjoying ourselves. And in this way we all enjoy: there is no confusion or possible misunderstandings, there is no double discourse. If is yes, and no is no.

Dear companions, no need to waste time and the energies in someone who does not correspond to you. There is no reason to make a fool of yourself or get angry: if you do not connect with someone, there is no reason to insist.

no woman owes you anything: if he likes you, he will be with you, and if he doesn’t like you, no.

And to another thing, butterfly.