Why does disappointment hurt so much? The key is in your brain

We have all wondered at some point why disappointment hurts so much.. We will not be too surprised to learn that these experiences significantly alter the balance of that neuronal universe contained in our brain. So much so, that neurologists tell us that the mechanisms of depression share processes and structures with those that make up disappointment.

From a neurochemical point of view, disappointment is almost the same as frustration. We also know that these two are possibly the emotional realities that we experience the most on a daily basis. We feel them when our computer suddenly hangs; Above is when we need it most. We experience disappointment when someone we want to see cancels the appointment.

We feel frustrated when our car refuses to start. Also, when we do not receive a response to that job offer to which we have applied. Our daily lives are full of frustrations and disappointments.; some more innocuous and others more severe, those that leave a mark, such as those suffered by significant people who, at a given moment, fail us.

Either way, there is something obvious that neuroscientists recently discovered. With each disappointment, a neuronal “trigger” is generated where suddenly a decrease in serotonin, dopamine and endorphins is experienced.. All those molecules responsible for our well-being reduce their presence in our brain for a moment. Let’s see more data below.

Why does disappointment hurt so much? Neuroscience explains it

Jean Paul-Sartre said that every dreamer is condemned to experience a large number of disappointments. Sometimes, we build high expectations, we know, most of us have placed an excess of desires, ideals and excessive virtues in other people’s pockets. People fail us, it is true, but it is also true that we ourselves are just as fallible, we disappoint and are disappointed..

This psychological reality is part of life and yet, our brain still does not ‘digest’ it well.. That this is the case is basically due to the fact that this body, governed above all by social and emotional principles, always seeks security, to feel part of something or someone in a stable and predictable way. For example, if we have a good friend we hope that he will always be a good friend. If we have a partner, we also hope that they are honest with us, that there is no possibility of lies or betrayal.

However, At a given moment, that ideal of security that we had can collapse. The reason why disappointment hurts so much is explained as follows according to neuroscience.

The cerebral habenula, the center of our disappointments

Roberto Malinow, professor of neurobiology at the University of California San Diego School of Medicine, conducted a study with his team to discover the complex mechanism of deception. Something they were able to demonstrate was the great involvement of the cerebral habenula in processes such as disappointment and depression.

In this way, when a person feels disappointed, glutamate and GABA are immediately released into the habenula. If the brain sends a high amount of these neurotransmitters, the feeling of disappointment will be greater. That is to say, It is our brain that interprets the impact of the experience and who in turn modulates the intensity of our emotional pain.

In addition, the feeling of frustration or annoyance for not achieving something or for making mistakes is also processed in this very small (and ancient) brain region of the epithalamic nucleus.

Why does disappointment hurt so much? endorphins

Most of us have experienced the taste of disappointment at some point.. Regardless of the origin that motivated it, there is a fact that we have all felt: disappointment hurts, and it hurts physically. We also notice a certain tiredness, body heaviness, numbness and the feeling that the world is moving too fast while trying to process a disappointment experienced.

Why happens? This fact is as striking as it is curious. It is known that when we receive a blow, when we cut ourselves or burn ourselves, our body releases endorphins to alleviate that suffering as much as possible. The brain reacts instantly to that message that our receptors send it in the presence of a physical injury.

However, the same does not happen with psychological ‘wounds’. Although the brain interprets its own disappointment as an impact on emotional balance, it does not respond with endorphins. On the contrary, on many occasions we end up somatizing the suffering in the form of physical pain, migraines and muscle tension.

Disappointments, how to deal with them?

Neurologists tell us that The basic reason why disappointment hurts so much is because it is processed in the limbic system.. This structure of our brain is the most primitive and the one linked to our emotions. Most of the time when we suffer a setback, when someone fails us or even more so, we ourselves fail life and feel disappointed about it, we filter those experiences in a purely emotional way.

One way to reduce the impact of these experiences is to direct them towards our cerebral cortex, that is, we must reason about them, focus on them from a more objective point of view.. It is clear that something like this is not easy. Not when what we feel is the weight of betrayal and the breakdown of what we value most: trust.

However, we must do it. And we can work on it by controlling negative thoughts and stopping looking for blame. Also, adjusting expectations, being more realistic and accepting what we cannot control. After all, Disappointments are not forgotten, we know, but they are overcome.

We can live with them assuming what happened, but being clear that nothing is more important than continuing to move forward. We still have great stories to write, those where suffering will not be present.

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