Why do people judge and criticize so much? 5 actions to free yourself from prejudices

Knowing what we think about someone or something gives us security and allows us to guide our reactions –The origin of the term judge, in Hebrew, means precisely “direct” or “guide”.

When we qualify a person of honest or dishonest, of valuable or despicable, actually we are deciding the way we will relate to her. In the same way, when we describe a certain situation as dangerous, our attitude and reactions are conditioned by that vision.

Judging therefore provides the feeling of standing on solid ground. But at the same time it distances us from the world. From the moment we label reality, we stop observing what happens to focus only on the label. Somehow, by drawing a line of separation between ourselves and the world, we establish where the battlefield is.

However, our judgment is a border that distances us from reality, because it does not allow us to plunge directly into it.

Judging leads to prejudging

Another of the great dangers of making judgments is that you get to judge even before things have happened. Prejudice is the false security that someone will act in a certain way just because of their condition or origin.

In our globalized world there are prejudices about a person’s country of origin, about social class, religion or even their sexual option. As the etymology indicates, prejudice places us in the waiting room of the trial: we issue the sentence before knowing the facts.

prejudices too they act as a filter in relationships with people close to us. The fear that someone or something will hurt us can end up precipitating events (in psychology we talk about the self-fulfilling prophecy), as illustrated by the now famous “hammer story” by Paul Watzlawick.

A man wants to hang a picture but realizes that his hammer is missing.

He thinks about asking the neighbor, but on the stairs he begins to speculate about whether he will agree or not.

He remembers that he gave him a strange look in the elevator and comes to the conclusion that he has a thing for him and that, unlike him, he will never lend him the hammer.

At the height of all this musings, when the neighbor finally opens the door in response to the knock, the first one yells at him: “Keep your hammer, you fool!”

This little fable shows what happens when we shift the center of gravity from events and people to the opinions and prejudices we have about them. Someone who thinks like the man with the hammer will hardly be able to live with others spontaneously, because his expectations about things are erected like walls that do not allow him to look beyond his mental limits.

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Jiddu Krishnamurti said: “As long as there is a mediator there will be no mediation”, which means that assuming the position of observer prevents us from observing the world in a fertile way.

Like the particles that, in quantum mechanics experiments, change their behavior when observed, they also the judgment ends up affecting the judged.

Freeing yourself from prejudices: the power of acceptance

For that same reason, When we stop judging, we experience great freedom: suddenly the world is no longer reduced to the idea or expectations we have of it.

Based on the fact that when we look at reality we color it with ourselves, the ultimate purpose of meditation is to be able to see -and be seen- without the intervention of opinions or prejudices.

When we stop judging on the train, in a queue, at work, in the hospital, suddenly we are invaded by an unconditional love for humanity and life. We discover that we are not separate from the world, but are all rowing the same turbulent sea in search of happiness.

By understanding that, in essence, the other has the same needs as us -for love, security, recognition- the difference between “bosses” and “inferiors” disappears and we join a common magma in which each human being can manifest their full potential.

Why is it so hard not to prejudge?

In a society as intellectualized as ours, it is difficult to live outside of judgments. Since we were little at school they are already valuing and qualifying us. The question would be: what leads us to judge in an unhealthy way?

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Each judgment offers us the false reassurance that we have closed a door, confers the feeling that we are protected and in possession of the truth.

However, if we are able to identify the triggers of the act of judging we will manage to dissolve that border between us and the world:

Unsafety. When we fear we won’t measure up to the occasion, a quick judgment serves as a crutch. Building our opinion on something or someone frees us from the effort involved in understanding what is different from us.Inferiority complex. Just as many self-conscious people compensate for their low self-esteem with aggressive driving, behind many judgments of other people’s behavior there is the fear of judging oneself, because the person unconsciously feels at a disadvantage.contained fury. The residue of bitterness that leaves having been treated unfairly, especially in childhood, makes us reproduce the same attitudes that made us suffer. Thus, a person who has had an excessively authoritarian father retaliates by setting himself up, in adulthood, as a judge over the world.Emotional myopia. The habit of looking at your navel can lead to an inability to understand what is happening around you. When the people around us become a strange and threatening world, judgment becomes a protective barrier.Rigidity. Individuals who judge by system often have difficulty adapting to change. From the immobility that promotes acting as a judge, they prefer to carpet the entire world rather than put on moccasins.

5 actions not to judge

Free yourself from labeling allows others to look at reality without filters and provides greater rapport with the world.

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Cultivate empathy. The most effective antidote against the habit of judging is to put yourself in the other’s place. When we leave our pedestal and look at the world from a situation that is not our own, we access a deep and spontaneous understanding of life.Clean your eyes of prejudices. Before commenting on any issue, visualize the lens with which you look at the world. Examine if it contains impurities – prejudices – that cloud your vision. Try to contemplate what is happening without the intellect intervening.Listen actively. Those who judge by system do not usually listen to their interlocutor, since before he has finished they are already analyzing, dissecting, looking for the weak points in the speech and forming an opinion. By paying full attention to what we are being told, the urge to judge disappears.Relativize setbacks. When the world seems to turn against us, we are tempted to criticize and censor. However, instead of letting yourself be carried away by this attitude that does not provide solutions, it is convenient to accept that each day has its sign. To gain peace of mind, it may be helpful to say to yourself: “This too shall pass.”Separate the fact from the person. If someone behaves in a way that is contrary to our interests, we are tempted to label them in a negative way. A first step to not judge is to value only the act itself, without falling into moral qualifications. Before condemning a person, it is preferable to talk with them to find out the reasons that have led them to act in this way.