When the partner does not understand our depression

Watching how depression consumes that person we love is extremely difficult and painful. However, we must be able to understand and properly address the situation.

Depression is not that simple. It’s not a flu, it’s not a broken leg, it’s not something that can be relieved with a kiss and a “I love you,” not even with a pill. This disorder is cruel and consuming, it fills our minds with anxiety, it frustrates us, it angers us, it makes us prefer isolation… All of this is hard for those who surround us; On the other hand, if the partner does not understand our depression, that reality can become much harder.

Most medical histories tell us about a reality that sometimes goes unnoticed. Depression has a direct impact on the partner of the sufferer, and consequently, also on the rest of the family. Now, the difficulty is not in assuming the presence of said disease, said disorder. The problem lies in our inability to understand and successfully address these types of conditions.

“There are wounds that are never seen on the body, that are deeper and more painful than any wound and that not even our loved ones can perceive.”

-Laurell K. Hamilton-

The love we profess for our partner is not enough in these situations… and neither is our will. Often, You have to face certain events for which no one is prepared on an emotional level. For example, we will see how the other person desires solitude in our company, how he avoids physical contact or how, almost without knowing why, he has stopped being interested in our concerns and daily dynamics to become a blurred shadow that is neglected even by us. herself.

When we are prisoners of a psychological disorder, life loses its order, meaning and logic.. If the partner does not understand our depression and is not able to move by our side without pressuring or judging, the recovery process will be much longer.

When the partner does not understand our depression: costs and suffering

The presence of depression is like an elephant inside a house, disrupting everything.. It is also like that black hole that collapses and swallows everything to take it to a strange dimension where reality is contained in a formless nothingness. No one has prepared us to understand this type of process where the mind acts as our worst enemy.

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Likewise, if this condition is hard for those who suffer from it, it is also hard for couples. The first thing they usually experience is confusion: the other person stops being available in almost any sense. Because the symptoms of this condition contradict the very essence of any happy relationship: there is no emotional or sexual desire, there is no interest and even less enthusiasm.

On the other hand, the partner who does not understand our depression will also feel a very common feeling: guilt. Have I done anything to make you feel this way? Personalizing and placing the origin of a loved one’s disorder on oneself is a behavior that is as recurrent… as it is erroneous..

Let us remember that, In most cases, there is no specific origin for this type of situation.. However, this is a common regret that makes it even more difficult to support the other person.

The most common mistakes among partners of those who suffer from depression are two. The first is to blame oneself for the origin of that disorder. The second, personalize the symptoms. If the other person prefers to sleep all day rather than go out with us for a walk, it does not mean that they love us any less. It means that she is not able to get up, that her anguish weighs her down, that her mind has even more power than her will. Getting frustrated by seeing that our partner does not respond to our demands, advice or good wishes is something we cannot allow.

How to help our partner if they suffer from depression?

Before detailing those keys that can help us help someone who is going through depression, it is worth pausing on one aspect. When our partner does not understand our depression and makes the mistake of blaming us for being like this, there is something wrong.. Beyond the presence of this psychological condition, there is the maturity of those who know how to handle any obstacle in a relationship.

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A significant and healthy emotional bond knows how to overcome any problem, whether big or small, whether it has its origin in economic, personal, emotional factors, and of course, an illness. You have to understand that A person with depression is not someone who has lost their ability to love us..

In fact, what she has lost is the ability to love herself. It is at that moment when he will need us the most. And if we are not or are not able to understand it, the effects we can cause can be very serious.

If the partner does not understand our depression, we must give them the means to do so. However, if there is no will and what we experience is a feeling of threat and greater discomfort, we will make a decision. The one that benefits us the most.

Therefore, it is vital that we take into account the following strategies to proceed with more success, closeness and tact.

Educate ourselves in depression.

A successful key is to be part of our partner’s intervention and recovery process. Going to therapy with them and allowing professionals to inform us about the type of depression that the other person suffers will be of great help, as well as letting them suggest certain keys to facilitate their progress.

Don’t force, don’t force, don’t focus on goals.

Depression takes time, has ups and downs, and never responds to pressure or ultimatums. The recovery process is the exclusive responsibility of the person suffering from depression andWe must respect their times without demanding goals from them.

Accompany, allow spaces

Sometimes simple presence is better than words. Don’t be upset if your partner takes a step back and decides not to go out with you for a walk. If she chooses to stay in bed, don’t punish her, just remind her that you are there for whatever she needs. Don’t judge, even if it costs, be that close presence that knows how to support in silence.

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Ask what you can do for her.

When we want to support someone, we often let ourselves be carried away by our ego and offer solutions from our perspective. Therefore, sometimes we make the mistake of taking actions that, instead of helping, worsen the situation. So, Instead of assuming what may be good for your partner, it is best to ask them what would make them feel better.

Distribute responsibilities.

The only obligation of the person with depression is his recovery. For your part, It is essential that you do not neglect your life, your work and those dimensions that safeguard your emotional balance. Each one will have their responsibilities, and yours as a couple is also to take care of your well-being to give the best to that person who needs you.

Go with a professional

An effective way to ensure your well-being is by taking care of your mental health. Therefore, it is not only important that the depressed person receive psychological care, The couple should also see a psychotherapist to address feelings of guilt and any other discomfort. derived from the situation. Remember that to offer adequate accompaniment and support, it is important that we are in a position to do so.

To conclude, as we can well intuit, these situations are not easy for anyone. If the partner does not understand our depression and does not show any signs or willingness to support us in this process, the best thing in these cases is to make a decision that can benefit us. It won’t be easy, but If the purpose is to recover, it is necessary to leave those harsh and harmful environments.

On the other hand, let’s make an effort not to reject the support that our people give us, let’s redirect it if it doesn’t come as we would like. In the end, Having a companion willing to help us is a very powerful force.which we can use to our advantage with a little emotional intelligence, to get out of our black hole.