When the family drowns

No one chooses the family from which to enter this world. Chance, countless kinship crossings, and wonderful coincidences that weave our daily lives, cause us to come to this reality from two parents, a father and a mother who, in turn, descend from other individuals who will also make up our closest particular universe… our biological family.

When we grow up, we are the ones who choose our own social family: friends, partners… but The first links are always decisive, and marked by those closest members. They are the ones who give us life and who are obliged to educate us, provide us with security, love, trust and emotional stability from which we can grow and mature.

Culturally, the family is an institution, a pillar full of emotional strength that surrounds every individual. But obviously this is not always the case, every family is inhabited by people with greater or lesser virtues. Balanced personalities capable of providing affection, values ​​and education and personalities that are simply not the most suitable for forming a family.

Attachment relationships and bonds

Maybe, First of all, we should differentiate the families that are really toxic, from those that simply have not known how to adapt the ties. to build themselves as an authentic family unit to bring happiness to each other and to their children.

When we come into this world, our parents, grandparents and uncles are that reference in which we see ourselves reflected and supported. They are with whom we develop our attachment relationships, that indispensable union in which to receive affection and security to grow.

If there is not, If there is no affection we will grow up with a void and a feeling of insecurity, low self-esteem and fear. How can we face or trust the world if our family has not given us affection or affection?

The voids of childhood, the traumas of childhood, are future depressions of tomorrow. The family is an essential pillar when it comes to being able to mature normally.
The bond established with our parents, whether they are fathers, mothers or grandparents, gives us security to explore the environment. The degree of trust or distrust that they have transmitted to us will be essential for us, for our self-esteem and our self-concept.

toxic relationships

In these cases of detachment, abandonment or even if there has been abuse, we can clearly say that the family, rather than suffocating, hurts. Let’s now look at the case of those toxic families… sometimes, Attachment relationships can become suffocating and loaded with emotional manipulations.

Fathers or mothers who impede the personal maturity of their children through overprotective relationships, or who continually interfere in their lives seeking continuous attention, recognition and a daily need to know about their children, to demand favors, to demand, in occasions.

These situations are also usually loaded with a lot of emotional suffering. One cannot stop caring for one’s parents, and if the demand is daily and continually interferes with our lives, we will surely have a bad time. Discussions and demands will abound.

If these relationships are really toxic, our family members will use victimhood or other manipulative techniques.

In these cases it is always necessary to know how to establish a series of priorities and limits.. The moral obligation ends when there is an attack on our own physical and psychological health. We must establish guidelines, we must negotiate and respect each other’s privacy. But we know… it’s complex.

The family is our first host community, we fall into it like a chimney on Christmas night and we have to get used to it. But We must be clear: no one forces us to have to love them if there has never been love, if they have shown us affection.

Later we will find the chosen family, the one that we ourselves will search for and choose according to our needs, there where we find our true happiness. It will be a new cycle to begin where everything learned and everything experienced must be reflected. It depends on us.

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