What if your soul mate is married? 13 tips to handle it

You have finally found your soul mate and it should be the beginning of a beautiful fairy tale. Surely, you feel that this is a connection like you have never felt before.

But this happily ever after has a serious problem that gets in the way. Your soul mate is already married and there is nothing more crushing than thinking ‘I found my soul mate, but we can’t be together’.

To help you with this dilemma in your life I have created this article, where we will see what to do if your soul mate is already in a marriage relationship.

13 Secrets You Should Know If Your Soulmate Is Involved In A Marriage

1) Understand what a soul mate is

What are the signs that tell you that a person is your soul mate?

A soulmate is simply someone you really click with. You understand him and he understands you. It often feels like an effortless connection. Someone who helps you become your happiest version.

But even though it is someone with whom you feel strongly connected, this does not imply that it is in a needy way.

Our soul mates are here to make our lives better, but we are not dependent on them.

As Mary C. Lamia writes in Psychology Today:

“The term ‘soulmate’ implies a special affinity, understanding, or powerful bond that exists between two people.”

When you look at it this way, it’s not as mystical as it sometimes seems.

While we should embrace the beauty of strong connections in life, it’s important not to over-romanticize love in any way. This includes soul mates.

If we do, we risk losing ourselves in the projection and fantasy of divine love, rather than the reality of imperfect human love.

2) You can have more than one soul mate

You might assume that everyone in the world has only one soul mate. After all, how could there be more than one?

But in reality, there are multiple souls, who share your way of seeing the world and who can inspire you to become a better person.

Each of these souls is unique, and so will your relationship with them. When we meet someone to whom we are magnetically attracted, it can be hard to imagine that we will ever feel that way again.

But many people believed that they had met their soul mate, only to find out later that this was not the soul mate they were meant to be with. Unexpectedly, another soul mate entered his life.

3) Not all soulmate relationships are meant to be romantic

It’s easy to confuse soulmate relationships with romantic ones.

However, it is important to remember that some soulmate connections are not meant to be romantic. In fact, many soulmate connections are platonic.

Platonic friendships are all about having fun together, sharing experiences, and supporting each other through whatever challenges come your way. They don’t need to be romantic to work.

There are many soulmate connections, from friends to siblings, parents, teachers, and co-workers.

The point is, if you find someone who makes you feel good, then you want to spend more time with them, because you sense that special bond between them.

And even though you may think you’ve found your soul mate, that doesn’t mean you’ll automatically fall in love with her.

4) Your soul mate does not “complete” you

When you hear the term soul mate, you are most likely imagining an ideal romantic partner. Someone who completes you. Someone who makes your heart stop beating. Someone who fills you with joy and happiness.

The truth is, you don’t need to meet your soul mate to find meaning in life or to experience deep emotional fulfillment.

In fact, finding meaning in life has nothing to do with meeting your soul mate, and everything to do with you.

So if you find yourself thinking that your soul mate is the answer to all your problems, know that this is not really the case.

Your soul mate is simply the person who brings out the best in you. But it is not your other half, since you are a complete being.

5) Being soul mates does not excuse not thinking about anyone but yourself

Right now, you may think that this married person is “the one” for you.

Only time will tell if this is true or not.

It’s tempting to put your own happiness first, using the justification that the two of you are soul mates. But remember that embarking on an affair with someone who is married has consequences, and they are usually not good.

You run the risk of seriously hurting him, your spouse, any children they may have, and yourself in the process.

Infidelity comes with long-term psychological consequences. As he says in Psych Central:

“Dr. Dennis Ortman describes those who have discovered their partner’s affair as traumatized. Ortman calls this traumatic response Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) in his 2009 book. You may experience symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress.

“Rather than shock to your system, as it is with PTSD, finding out about an affair can be a shock to your mind, to the system you’ve built as a couple.”

Just because you both are soul mates doesn’t mean you can ignore each other’s feelings.

Whatever you decide to do, keep in mind the impact your actions could have on other people.

6) The universe works in mysterious ways

If you believe that you and your soul mate have come together for a reason, then you need to trust the process as well.

Sometimes even though two people are deeply connected, fate has something else planned for them.

As such, it’s important to understand that our lives don’t always turn out the way we expect. That is why it is advisable to remain open to new opportunities and possibilities.

We often find it difficult to let go of control. We think we know what will make us happy and we obsess over making things go a certain way.

But what if the Universe knows what it is doing? Trying to push and fight the flow of life can prove to be futile.

Right now it can be frustrating or even irritating to think that your soul mate is married. But there is no way of knowing what will happen. Or how all of this will influence the overall context of your life story.

It’s better to try to keep an open mind, rather than closing yourself off to a particular outcome.

7) Your soulmate will not leave their spouse

Statistically speaking, most affairs last between 6 and 24 months.

Don’t assume that your love is different, because you are soul mates. The sad truth is that there are many people who embark on affairs genuinely believing that their partner is “the one” and that it will all be worth it in the end.

Later on, they are devastated to realize that “my soul mate won’t leave his wife” (or husband).

Of course, every situation is unique, and this has nothing to do with making a moral judgment about cheating or affairs.

But it is also prudent to be aware of the facts. And the facts say that most affairs don’t end as “happily ever after.”

Studies have shown that affairs tend not to last long.

25% of infidelities last less than a week

65% last less than six months

10% last more than six months

It may be months or years before your soulmate leaves their partner, or they may never leave.

This puts you under emotional strain while you wait in limbo.

Even if you really think this is your soul mate, don’t let your heart completely rule your head. Make sure you know what you’re getting into before committing to anything.

8) Love has limitless possibilities

There is something you should know: the Universe does not want to make you sad.

Many people think that if their soul mate is already married, they are doomed to be alone forever. The idea is that because your soulmate is already engaged, you won’t get another chance. You will never find true love again.

However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The Universe doesn’t work like that.

There will always be new opportunities for love. There will always be endless opportunities for romance. There will always be people who are looking for love just like you.

When one door closes in life, the Universe will open another for you. It’s almost like a sat nav, which is constantly recalculating the route, depending on which paths you take.

There are unlimited ways to take the journey of your life.

9) Allow the situation to have time and space

Telling yourself that not all soulmate connections are necessarily romantic may do little to stop your feelings.

At this point, you are most likely confused. Feeling torn about what to do, to make the best of this situation. You may even feel that your heart and your head are telling you different things.

You may have heard the expression “when you don’t know what to do, do nothing”. This can be good advice, when your soul mate is married.

Taking distance from the difficulties of the situation can help you think more clearly. Give yourself time before making any forceful decisions about how to proceed.

If possible, avoid seeing this person for a while. Certainly this span need not be forever. But even a few weeks can give you insightful perspective.

10) Do not try to force him to change his mind

You may want to tell your soulmate that they should consider leaving their marriage.

However, you shouldn’t try to force him out of your relationship, even if you know his strong feelings are reciprocated.

If your soul mate has made an informed decision to stay with their spouse, then you should try to respect and honor their wishes.

11) Decide what you want and set limits

Soulmate or not, you must set limits to your relationship. Initially, that means working out exactly what you really want.

Be honest with yourself about how you feel and what your situation is like.

Some things to consider may be: if you know they feel the same way or if this could be unrequited love.

Do you want to have a relationship with him?

Are you prepared to be his second option?

What if they have no intention of leaving their spouse?

These are all important questions to ask yourself before proceeding.

You may find that, despite your feelings, it doesn’t feel right, if you take things further, while he is still married.

Creating healthy boundaries is key. Make sure you know how you feel and what is and is not acceptable to you, it will help you respect and protect yourself in the future.

12) If you are meant to be together it will happen!

It’s tempting to turn the situation into a Romeo and Juliet-type story: a star-crossed lovers scenario. But keep in mind that ultimately, if the other person wants to be with you enough, she will be.

Both are…