True love: what exactly is it?

Can we talk about putting limits on love? Surely not, if what we want is to talk about the love of romantic novels, eternal and exclusive. Nor can we set limits if we talk about the love of Greek tragedies, dramatic and irresistible.

But something else happens with our daily love. The love that we are truly capable of feeling and the love that we hope others can feel for us. For better or for worse, that love is not a sublime and unlimited feeling. It is not, I repeat to make it clear, it is not an emotion reserved for a few, nor is it something that is felt exclusively at a moment in life in front of a single person.

What is true love?

Possible and real love is closely related to what in everyday language we could enunciate as “loving someone very much”, and which, simplified, can be defined as the simple and committed manifestation of love. “the purest interest that someone is capable of feeling for another person”.

And let it be clear that I say “simple” not to diminish its importance, but to diminish its solemnity and so that we can all understand the magic and presence of this feeling in everyone’s life.

The person who takes care of you, the one who rejoices in your achievements, the one who respects your choices… loves you without a doubt

In other words: the person who cares for you and feels that you care, the one who is happy with your achievements and accompanies you in a difficult moment, the one who respects your times and your choices… without a doubt, she loves you, even if she sometimes says no, even if she never seriously thinks about committing suicide if it suits you wrong in what you want most, and even if one day he does not choose you to share any of his projects.

In this video you can see a selection of phrases about true love:

true love is not absorbing

The personal spaces and times of each of the members of a couple are a fundamental part of the structure of a healthy bond. If they did not exist, both would be caked and fused into an amalgam that, far from enriching them, would impoverish them.

The couple feeds on diversity and, for it to exist, the different spaces, interests and times must be defined. Must let our partner know that we do not stop loving them or paying attention to them or take it into account even though we like to have your spaces of solitude. Because personal spaces are not, nor should they be, a threat to the other.

True love has no limits

Of course, this definition of the limits of love can only conform to those who we know we need others of their presence and their help, but we never hold them responsible for our lives, our successes or our states of mind.

And of course, this look will never be enough for those who prefer to grant others the power to make them angry, to make them cry or to make them happy, because they do not want to accept that they are responsible for their lives.

You can only love in freedom

It is true that we are not self-sufficient, but it is our commitment to learn to love as an adult, to understand the difference between asking and demanding, to accept that the other may not have or may not want to give us what we need today, and learn the difference between giving up and sacrificing.

Does your partner manipulate you? Find out in this video.

All the philosophers, thinkers and therapists in history have created their own definition of love. Even I, without being any of that, have mine:

“My love is the sincere decision and the consequent action of create a space of freedom for the loved one. A space so large and not conditioned that she can choose what she wants, even when her decision is not the one that favors me the most, even when her choice does not include me.”

Whether or not this definition fits the one that nests in you and determines your way of relating, the truth is that managing not to depend on others is, without a doubt, one of the great challenges of those of us who fight daily for a full life. , that is, of those who pretend to be happy; of which we know that Not declaring yourself pending the gaze of the other, their approval or their applause, has costs, and that we are willing to pay for them, although they are not cheap at all.

Those who love freely will always be accused, by those who still transit dependent spaces, of being arrogant, stupid, cruel or aggressive, amid reproach for being antisocial, selfish and even unloving.

A sad story about love

Once upon a time, on the outskirts of a town, a huge and beautiful tree that lived giving those who approached the coolness of its shadow, the aroma of its flowers and the incredible song of the birds that nested in its branches.

The tree was loved by everyone, but especially by the children, who climbed up the trunk and swayed among the branches with their complacent complicity. Although the tree loved people, there was a boy who was his favourite. He always appeared at sunset, when the others left.

“Hello, little friend,” said the tree, and with great effort lowered its branches to the ground to help the boy climb, also allowing him to cut some of its green shoots to make a crown of leaves, even if the tear hurt a little. The boy swayed eagerly and told the tree about the things that happened to him every day at home.

Almost overnight, the boy became an adolescent and stopped visiting the tree. Time passed… and suddenly, one afternoon, the tree saw him walking in the distance and called out to him with joy and enthusiasm:

—Friend… Come, come closer… How long has it been since you came… Climb up and let’s chat.

“I don’t have time for stupid things,” said the boy.

—But… we enjoyed together so much when you were little…

—Before I didn’t know that money was needed to live, now I’m looking for money. Do you have money to give me?

The tree was saddened a little, but it recovered immediately.

—I have no money, but I have my branches full of fruit. You could go up and take some, sell them and get the money you need.

“Good idea,” said the boy, and climbed up the branch that the tree gave him to climb like when he was a boy. And he plucked all the fruits from the tree, including those that were not yet ripe. He filled them with burlap bags and went to the market. The tree was surprised that his friend didn’t even say thank you, but he deduced that he was in a hurry to get there before the shoppers closed. Ten years passed until the tree saw his friend pass by again. He was already an adult.

“How big you are,” he told her excitedly. come, go up like when you were a child, tell me about yourself, how are you.

—You don’t understand anything, how can I climb… What I need is a house. Could you provide me with one?

The tree thought about it for a few minutes.

—No, but my branches are strong and elastic. You could make a very strong house with them. How about?

The young man ran out with a bright face. An hour later, he with a saw he cut each of his branches, both dry and green. The tree felt pain, but did not complain. He didn’t want his friend to feel guilty.

The tree was silent until the pruning was finished, and then it saw the young man walking away, waiting for a look or a gesture of gratitude that never came.

With the bare trunk, the tree dried up. It was too old to regrow branches and leaves to feed it. Perhaps for this reason, because he was already old, when he saw it coming, years later, he only said:

-Hello. What do you need this time?

-I want to travel. But what can you do? You no longer have branches or fruits that serve to sell, as before…

“What does it matter, son,” said the tree, “you can cut my trunk… with it, maybe you will be able to build a canoe to travel the world at your ease.”

“Good idea,” the man said.

Hours later he returned with an ax and cut down the tree. He made his canoe and left.

Only the small stump at ground level remained of the old tree. They say that the tree is still waiting for the return of his friend to tell him about his trip.

He does not realize that he will not return. The boy has grown, but sadly he has become one of those men who never go where there is nothing to drink. The tree waits, empty, although he knows that he has nothing more to give.

Love without depending on the partner

The tree and the man in the story show very different forms of love.

In any case, there will be different ways of loving, and these ways of expressing what I feel will depend more on who I am than on how much I want.

There will be good and healthy loves, which are what those with good and healthy hearts feel. And there will also be sick loves, that of the incapable, that of the manipulators, that of the possessive, that of the dependent, that of those who never realized that the greatest value of someone being there appears when one realizes that that he could choose to be gone.

Perhaps what has been said could be synthesized by establishing that Those who have learned to love do not depend on the person they love, but they do not allow them to depend on them either., because they know that on either side of the chain, the slave and the master are victims of slavery and reject it outright. Those who know and feel true love surrender without forgetting their right to set limits; and they pretend to be loved in the same way.