Tips to talk less – Verbal Behavior

Discover some practical tips from cognitive psychology to think and talk less. And live longer.

Hello friends!

Some time ago I published the following text – Verbal behavior: people who talk too much – and a question arose: “How to talk less?” In principle, the idea of ​​talking less may be strange or pointless, but since talking and thinking are behaviors that are closer than one might think, the problem is not so much the the amount of what is said or thought and yes to quality.

For example, yesterday I went home by bus. I sat in front of two friends who were talking about their respective jobs. As I’m still learning the art of not-listening to Portuguese (have you noticed how difficult it is not-listening to your mother tongue and how much more difficult it is to listen to a foreign language that you’re learning?), I ended up overhearing part of the conversation. Basically, complaints and more complaints and more complaints.

Through cognitive psychology, we know that women are more likely to have a depressive condition precisely because they have a greater tendency to rumination, that is, the tendency to keep remembering the past and ruminating on it. For those who don’t know or don’t remember biology classes, we have the following definition for rumination, according to the Michaelis dictionary:

(from Latin ruminare)

1) Chew a second time; chewing (the food that returns from the stomach to the mouth); ruminate.

2) Rechewing food: The oxen chewed the cud in drowsiness.

3 Think a lot about (some plan, problem, project, etc.); revolve in the spirit.

This word, rumination, is interesting because it can also be used metaphorically: we keep chewing, chewing, chewing (an event, a past situation), but we cannot swallow it or assimilate it or digest it.

Women are thus more likely to develop a depressive condition because they have a greater tendency to ruminate on what they went through. Not that men don’t have this trait at all. It would be simplistic to divide the world into two separate genres. We just want to note here, as Aaron Beck does in his book Depression causes and treatments (which we studied in the Cognitive Psychology of Depression Course) this greater probability.

Returning to the theme of our text, we can begin to realize that the content of a thought and speech will affect the way we feel. If the two friends weren’t focusing only on the negative aspects of their jobs, they would certainly be happier.

However, the most interesting aspect of the amount of thoughts we have throughout a day (which may or may not be expressed orally) is that it is rarely linked to the present. Thoughts, for the most part – test yourself and you’ll see – are always far from the current moment:

– go to the future (concerns, plans, anxieties, fears);

– go into the past (memories of all kinds, especially the emotionally strong ones).

Tips to talk less

That said, we have a simple way to reduce the amount of thoughts and speeches: keep your attention more focused on the present moment. If you couldn’t say anything about the past and if you couldn’t say anything about what’s going to happen, what would you talk about?

This question is like a koan zen, an enigma and a joke to paralyze the thought: “If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to see it. Does the falling tree make a sound?” or “What was your face like before you were born?”

Another way to slow the flow of thoughts is to take a step back. As we normally equate what we think with who we are, we think that what we think defines us. But as Jung writes in red book🇧🇷 Your ideas areotas outside your self as the trees and animals are outside your body.” (JUNG, 2013, p. 167).

Also Read – The Thoughts Outside Thee

In other words, unless there is mystical participation, we do not identify external objects with our being. But we identify our thoughts with our identity. Separating thought and being more necessarily leaves room for more silence.

“Who thinks this thought I’m thinking?”

“How would this thought be thought by someone else? As if someone else was thinking it?”

“How can I think this thought?”

All these tips deepen introspection and, consequently, self-reflection, self-awareness. For example, if we find a thought and it is not useful in any way (almost no complaints are useful), we can put it aside and not feed it anymore. Or we can let it pass like a cloud.

Conclusion

I started by talking about the tendency to ruminate most often seen in women and described in cognitive psychology. Cognitive psychology has a line of development called Mindfulness Psychology, the Psychology of Full Attention.

Learn more – Mindfulness Psychology

It is curious to note the diagnosis that has been given left and right of Attention Deficit Disorder. I say curious because – even without any scientific basis – it was never questioned how increase attention. It is said that a child has difficulty paying attention in class. But will the adult be able to spend 4 hours watching a college class? Or will you want a break?

I mean, lack of attention is blamed and diagnosed, but there is almost nothing in our culture to create attention. And this is precisely the proposal of Mindfulness Psychology, the Psychology of Full Attention.

One of the first steps is to bring your attention back to the present moment. This is because the past does not exist (anymore) and the future does not exist (yet). We can ask ourselves:

“Now-now-now, what’s going on? Now-now-now, is there a problem?”

We will be amazed at the fact that there is almost never a problem in the present. The problems are far away: in the past or in the future…

As a consequence of this practice of turning attention to the present, we naturally have a decrease in the amount of thoughts. After all, if we don’t turn our attention to what happened and what might happen, what happens?

We live longer. We think and speak less.

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