“The Prince and the Swallow”, a story about attachment in a couple

With this story about the role that attachment plays in the couple, I would like us to reflect on what the mechanisms of insecure attachment are, how they cause us suffering and affect us when we try to control and dominate others, using love as an excuse.

Let’s think, what differences exist between love and attachment? Why do we confuse them? How can dependent attachment negatively influence our relationships?

“When we are attached to something there is always fear, fear of losing that thing; “There is always that feeling of insecurity.”

–Jiddu Krishnamurti

The prince spent his days looking out the window waiting for something to happen. He only had one servant left who was in charge of shopping and keeping the castle clean. “What a boring life,” he sighed.

One morning in April, a swallow landed on his window sill. “Oh,” she exclaimed, “what a delicate little creature.” The swallow dedicated a short melody to him and left. He was amazed: its song seemed to him the most beautiful in the world and its plumage the most original. A unique being!

The swallow returned

From then on, the prince impatiently awaited his return. The long-awaited day arrived and the swallow sang another song to him. He felt really lucky. “Is she cold?” he asked himself just before he took off again.

The third time the bird returned, the prince worried that he was going hungry.. The following days, he dedicated himself to building a little house for the swallow. He sent his servant to buy wood and nails and hunt insects. Finally, after several clumsy attempts, he ended up demanding that she build the house as well. “Damn bird,” the servant muttered.

Inside he put the insects and water, as well as some silk fabrics as a bed. When she saw how she perched on the windowsill He brought him his cabin and enjoyed seeing how he drank water and took good advantage of the food. that I had prepared for him. “Do you like these insects, my sweet swallow?” she asked him. “I hunted them for you,” she added. With a brief trill the swallow seemed to agree before resuming its flight.

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The prince has to negotiate with uncertainty

Then anxiety came over him, What if he never came back? What if he found another better place to shelter in? Perhaps other princes built better houses or hunted insects themselves. He couldn’t allow it. There was no such swallow in the world!

The prince spent two days without sleeping or thinking about anything else until he decided to spend the waiting time making a padlocked door for the tiny house. The swallow – as always – returned and When she came in to try the food, the prince locked her in.. “I love you,” she confessed, “with me you will never lack food or water again, nor will you be cold.”

A little confused, the swallow was carried away at first by comfort. He enjoyed the warmth of his home and having food within his reach without having to snoop through the plantations to get it.

The prince placed the cage on his nightstand to greet her every morning by stroking her head. “You are my swallow, sing me a song, darling,” he asked her. “This life is not so bad,” thought the swallow. And she sang. But Over time his music faded, until he became silent.

The swallow loses its song

-Don’t you sing anymore? -the prince asked him, surprised.- You made me happy when you sang.

-My singing was inspired by the flow of the river, the sound of the wind in the trees, the reflection of the moon on the mountain rocks. I was happy to bring it to you, but Now in this cage I can’t find anything to sing about.

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–I do it because I love you -said the prince.- It is dangerous for you to fly around alone. What if you have an accident? What if you can’t find food? What if a hunter shoots you?

-Who? What is a hunter? -she questioned.

-I take care of you and protect you, here you are safe from all danger.

One day the prince woke up with a start. He went to pet the swallow and found it dead.

Prey of anger He looked for his servant and dismissed him because, undoubtedly, one of the insects he had caught had killed her.. The fact of having found a culprit did not comfort the prince, who felt even more alone and helpless than before the swallow appeared. Until another perched on the window and sang her a song: the most beautiful song she had ever heard.

Houses with locks that end with love

This story talks about how attachment works in relationships and shows us how many times our fears and fears prevail over the desires and rights of others. It tells us a fact: By transforming the people we know, we often distance them from their essence, from their happiness.. All for them and without realizing it.

When faced with a situation of loneliness or emptiness, we can take responsibility for getting out of it ourselves or make our partner responsible by establishing a dependency relationship.

Attachment can confuse us by exaggerating the qualities of the loved one and turning him into a unique and irreplaceable being in our eyes, thus increasing anxiety when imagining his possible loss. With the excuse of his protection or well-being, we can go so far as to deprive the other of his freedom.

Read Also: Buddhist psychology to deal with difficult emotions

This is a story about attachment, but it is also a story about love. Love is accepting and respecting the way of being of another, wishing their happiness before satisfying our needs and letting them fly. when you need it, if that is what – like swallows – makes you happy.

*Original story by Mar Pastor.