The 5 forms of emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail. This term sounds familiar to all of us because, in some way, we have experienced it at certain moments in our lives. For example, sometimes we experience it with those family members capable of victimizing themselves to spread their networks over us. Also in certain friendships that manipulate us at will in order to achieve their goals…

We could clearly say that Emotional blackmail is an art of toxicity and dominance. A sibylline domain in which they use our affection and even our love to achieve a purpose and keep us strongly united to the person who exercises blackmail.

Are you perhaps living it at this very moment? It’s possible. If so, you will have felt the slow and incisive pain of those behaviors against which, at first, we felt defenseless. How can we refuse? The biggest problem is that In most cases, it is our own partners who skillfully display these behaviors.

We give in, we obey and we comply because we love the executor of said art, allowing little by little our self-esteem to erode like a rock in the face of the onslaught of the sea, like a small sailboat that is disappearing into the horizon. Not only is it an attack on our emotional integrity, our health also suffers in a very serious and dangerous way..

Emotional blackmail and health

The cost we pay for each transfer is enormous. Before every emotional blackmail, shame and guilt undoubtedly appear. . We look in the mirror and ask ourselves why we gave in. We are aware that we must react, but nevertheless, once again we have fallen into the ambush and been mocked.

Without knowing it, we have perhaps offered that “pound of meat” so close to the heart that Shylock’s character in the “Merchant of Venice” demanded. AND doubts appear. People have a system of values ​​that are their own, in addition to those internal promises that we make to ourselves daily: “I will not let myself be fooled again,” “this is going to be the last time.”

And yet, it happens again. Our self-esteem and integrity are becoming a shadow of tears and self-deception, we are losing our inner compass and almost without realizing it, the first symptoms arrive.

The headache continued. Musculoskeletal problems, those that strain our back, our neck, the same pains that barely allow us to fall asleep. Rashes or small skin problems appear in response to a high level of stress.

Sudden sweats, dry mouth, cold hands, digestive problems and, in essence, continued fatigue would be clear symptoms that something is not rightthat this mind-body connection has already translated into those psychosomatic symptoms that we should not ignore.

Just one more thing to keep in mind. According to medical data, almost 25% of our physical discomforts have a psychosomatic origin. What’s more, studies like the one carried out by Dr. Dominique Hange, from the University of Gothenburg (Sweden) warns us about this relationship.

Emotional blackmail often results in psychosomatic disorders in the victims. Is That is to say, there are areas in our lives in which we must act and resolve to the extent that it is in our hands.

5 types of emotional blackmail

Next, We give you a brief summary of the main types of emotional blackmail that we can live. It is worth taking them into account.

1. The seducers

It is possible that you have ever met a person with these characteristics. In principle, they are usually very caring men or women, very kind and detail-oriented. They attend to every request and know how to be extremely charming. They usually entertain us and are the first to do anything for us.

But be careful because everything has a price: every favor and every detail must be rewarded and they will blame us for it. “I paid you for that trip”, “You can’t refuse now knowing very well everything I have sacrificed for you”.

2. Victims of the relationship

Without a doubt, victimhood is one of the most common forms of emotional blackmail. They will use us as a target and cause of all their misfortunesthey manipulate negative emotions in the most harmful way possible.

“If I feel bad now it is because of everything you do to me, because of your behavior, because of your desire to always leave me alone”, “You have a special ability to humiliate me, I don’t know how you do it”. They are small examples of this manipulation that in reality, It is clear psychological abuse.

3. Silent punishers

Very subtle, silent punishers exercise an art of emotional blackmail in a highly destructive way. In this case, They drag us into a very harmful instability where it is difficult to reactsince there will be times when they exalt us and times when they humiliate us.

We won’t know what to expect. Days when you are his whole life and moments when you can suffer phrases like the following: “You think you are the most perfect person in the world and in reality, you are nothing. You are the weakest and most ridiculous person I have ever met. You only bring me misfortunes.” Be careful with these behaviors and react as soon as possible.

4. Self-punishers

Classic profile of the emotional manipulator. We are sure they sound familiar to you. People who often come out to us with expressions like the following: “It’s clear that you don’t love me anymore, that’s why you’re passing on me and going with your friends.” “I see how much you care about me, you haven’t even called me. It’s clear that you want to end me and this relationship. That’s why you went to that dinner with your colleagues.”

It is very possible that after hearing these words we will try to convince them that this is not the case. And if you do, if you give up that work dinner, for example, the other person will have won once again. If you give up your self-esteem, it will be lost. It is worth keeping in mind. For your good, for your health.

5. Those of “just a little more”

They use the social psychology effect known as the “foot in the door” to their advantage. They are people to whom we do a favor and to thank us they do not ask for the next. They claim that it is just a little more or that it is something we have already done before.

They accompany their requests with gestures of sorrow, trying to appear weaker than they are or to make the favor they demand seem more necessary than it is “You know that if it weren’t necessary I wouldn’t ask you.”

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