The 10 questions you should ask on your first date, according to psychologists and lawyers

It might seem a little strong to take legal advice right away and get to know a person, but the suggestion only came about because divorce lawyers and family psychologists are great at deciphering warning signs in a relationship. Their experience helps you understand the signs of the other person’s character that can be overlooked and the ones that can lead to bigger problems. That is, they are good counselors when it comes to relationships.

We did a little research on your advice and chose 10 questions whose answers can help you better understand the other person. Let’s go to them!

Some people might find this question a little strange, others might be scared. Nevertheless, it is important to make everything clear at the beginning, and in an open, truthful way. Randall Kessler, an American divorce attorney, explains that answers like “We’re getting divorced soon,” “It’s complicated,” or “We’re separating” are not the same as “I’m free.” It is important to know whether or not the other person is free to live something with you.

Family psychologist Daniella Kepler assures that the answer to this question shows very well what is most important to the other person: time or order and cleanliness. That is, if the other person prefers tranquility or is usually in a hurry. Also, this is a good cue to ask the other person if they usually get up early or sleep late.

This question helps you understand what you have in common with the other person, or how far apart you are. In other words: whether she is a sensory or an intuitive person. There are people who, if they don’t read reviews on the Internet, are unable to buy a toothbrush, while there are others who go on vacation and book a bunch of things without looking at anything beforehand. If you and the other person are in ‘opposite’ groups and can’t understand each other’s behavior, you may have problems in the future.

It is obvious that when we meet someone, we try to show only our qualities. But everyone hides traits behind the first impression, and some of them can cause conflicts in the future. Ryan Howes, a psychologist from California, USA, says that “If the other person loves a mess and you’re super tidy, you’re probably in trouble.” And this relates to other aspects, for example in relation to silence: one person loves tranquility and the other loves a party. This is best made clear in the beginning.

Often, the frequency with which the person relates to the family and the degree of dependence on it plays an important role in the love relationship. American divorce lawyer Carla Donelli confirms that divorces often happen because one of the two people continues to prioritize the needs and interests of the family over the loved one. On the other hand, a very conflictive relationship with family members may indicate an inability to maintain a long-term relationship.

The American professor of behavioral psychology Dan Arieli did an experiment in which a group of people met on the Internet and could only ask ‘controversial’ questions, with nothing to do with employment or other trivial things. This helped them feel calmer to share hidden feelings, making communication more alive and intense. At the same time, these questions allow people to be good or bad listeners.

You can ask this question if you think the date is going well. Psychologist Spencer Scott, from Los Angeles, USA, explains that this question first helps you understand how confident the other person is in you, and whether they are ready to tell you something personal. Second, you can see if the date is turning out to be different from what the other person considers a failure.

Carla Donelli recommends asking why the other person broke up. This will help you to see whether or not the other person knows how to analyze the situation and make sensible conclusions, or if he just blames other people for the events.

Family psychologist Jennie Ingram, from the University of Alabama, USA, thinks that this question can help you get to know the other person’s value system. Understand if she is a self-centered, generous, affective person, etc. In addition, it allows you to understand if the person is mature when it comes to dealing with money.

This question allows the conversation to go farther and is a good way to better understand the other person’s priorities. When someone tells you that they are working on a certain thing, or that they are finishing their master’s degree, we have nothing more than facts. Therefore, dreams and thoughts are lacking. American family psychologist Aaron Anderson says this question helps you get into the other person’s deepest thoughts without creating the impression of an interrogation.