Should we give second chances?

Throughout life, Certain events occur to each of us that can change our social circle. Sometimes we may even decide to eliminate all contact with some people who until then have been important. As time goes by, it is possible that these will reappear trying to reestablish the link; It is then when we can ask ourselves if giving second chances is a good decision.

As with almost everything, the answer is not absolute. It depends on the circumstances, the people involved and, above all, the learning that each one has done. during the time of separation. Below we present some keys that you can apply if you find yourself in this situation.

People change?

The first thing we usually ask ourselves when we consider whether or not to give a second chance is whether that person has changed. No one wants to get involved again in a situation that caused pain or frustration, to return to the same state that cost so much to get out of.

The answer is yes: people change. But they do it when they decide or circumstances force them, not necessarily when we need it.

We all grow, evolve and become more aware of the consequences of our behavior. We all, at some point, can choose to change. But This occurs at the moment when each one is ready to face their own shadows.

Change is possible, but it is not a simple task and requires a certain motivation and tolerance for uncertainty. Therefore, change must arise from within, from a personal introspective process. Rarely will real change come motivated solely from the outside.

Therefore, You have to be careful when someone bursts into your life again claiming to have changed for you. Especially if this happens after a short period of time. Probably, no such transformation has taken place and the person is just trying to tell you what you want to hear. Under these premises it is very possible that, if you resume contact, situations and conflicts will repeat themselves.

Clarify goals and limits before giving second chances

Before choosing to give second chances It is advisable to leave some time to reflect on what we can learn from that relationship. Because I did not work? What has it taught me about myself and what I want in my personal relationships? What things am I not willing to accept back into my life?

Whether it is a friendship, a couple or a family member, I have to know in what terms I want things to happen. Next, It is essential to have an assertive conversation with that person and make it clear to them what you expect to receive and what you are willing to give.. This offers the other the opportunity to explain their point of view and intentions to you, and to accept or not accept the conditions.

Don’t be afraid to stand firm in your convictions. Don’t be afraid to shut the door permanently on that person if they try to overstep your personal boundaries. Remember that your only responsibility is to yourself. Furthermore, if the other has truly become aware of their mistakes and has transformed, they will understand and share your objectives.

make a decision

Maybe, after an honest conversation, you come to the conclusion that you do not want to resume contact with that person or that you want to resume contact under other conditions than those proposed to you. Either because you have verified that there has been no change, or because you have simply realized that you no longer have anything to contribute to each other.

In this case, stay true to yourself and your decision. Ending a relationship or friendship that may have been the source of many beautiful memories may not be an easy decision. However, it may be necessary. In this case, Don’t let the other person manipulate you with guilt or compassion. On the other hand, in this context, it is possible to be firm without hurting anyone, to protect your interests without being unfair or selfish. We talk about being assertive.

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