Receiving compliments, why does it make us feel uncomfortable?

We all like to receive compliments. But always and under any circumstances? Maybe on some occasion you have felt uncomfortable when someone has given you a compliment.. This is a more common experience than perhaps we imagine.

But let’s start at the beginning, what exactly is a compliment? Being rigorous, A compliment is a specific verbal behavior that highlights a person’s positive characteristics.. The compliment works as a social reinforcer and helps make interactions between people more pleasant.

In other words, a compliment is something like flattery. When we receive a compliment, the person giving it is highlighting some positive characteristic. Put that way, there would be no reason for us to feel uncomfortable when someone showered us with them. Although the reality is very different and many times these compliments make us feel uncomfortable, very uncomfortable even. But why?

Recreate our hearing

As we said, a compliment is, in principle, something pleasant and positive. Giving a compliment means that we say something nice to another person. Specific, It is about informing/pointing out some physical characteristic or behavior that we like or that we value positively.

We all like to hear nice things about ourselves, it makes us feel good. However, In our society, the exchange of positive verbalizations is rare. We use positive reinforcement little, punishment being more common.

The “good”, “positive”, “what we like and please” is considered to be “what should be” and, therefore, why make it known? This is why it is rare to hear or give compliments.

We may feel “cut,” “cheesy,” “silly,” “ridiculous.”, etc. However, if we believe that reinforcement is better than punishment, we will be motivated to change and become more rewarding and positive people. On the other hand, when someone gives us a compliment we may feel surprised, strange and, in extreme cases, we may even laugh at the person who compliments us. That’s why It is important to know how to receive compliments and not just know how to give them.

What are the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments?

Receiving compliments is easy, although many people find it difficult to receive them. In fact, There are many advantages that come with knowing how to receive them.. Let’s see them.

I know what the other person likes about me.Helps establish friendly relationships.It reduces the tension that can be generated if I am speechless due to embarrassment or anxiety or react defensively. It makes me feel good. We all like to be recognized for our qualities, merits and abilities.It indicates that I have heard and accepted what the other person has told me.I reinforce that person for giving me a compliment and increase the likelihood that they will give me more compliments in the future.

As we see, These are some of the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments. There are many more, but these are enough to give you an idea of ​​their importance.

Negative thoughts that block receiving compliments

If we already know the advantages of knowing how to receive compliments, why can it block us/make us uncomfortable when someone gives us compliments? It may be that behind the discomfort in receiving compliments there is the following belief: “Don’t trust if they praise you, they will want something.” This belief leads us to interpret praise as a threat or danger.. Therefore, we will react with distrust, fear, anxiety or anguish. However, in many cases there is no such danger, it is just verbal conditioning.

Sometimes these compliments have been used to manipulate or create a facilitating/motivating climate that allows the other person to achieve their goal.. This could cause a phrase that may have initially generated positive emotions to be evaluated as negative and generate negative emotional responses if it is interpreted as a manipulation.

Another belief that can block us from receiving compliments is the following: “Be simple and modest, people who stand out in the background are envied”. This message also torpedoes us from saying nice things about ourselves.

Another belief associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments is the following: “He will be waiting for me to return it”. That thought is often irrational, since we know what the other person is thinking. It is better to think that a compliment is given spontaneously and wait for a response.

A final thought or belief associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments is the following: “It’s a sarcastic compliment, he says it to annoy me.”. In this case, this belief can be changed to: “maybe so or maybe not. I accept the compliment and, if it is sincere, I am grateful. If it is not, by accepting it I am partly frustrating their intentions.”

Low self-esteem is another factor related to lack of receptivity and discomfort towards compliments. These can make the individual feel uncomfortable because they are contradicting their own beliefs. Typically, people seek to confirm and reaffirm their perceptions of themselves, whether positive or negative. When this validation is not given, the person may feel uncomfortable.

To conclude, we can improve our self-esteem and change the irrational beliefs associated with the discomfort of receiving compliments. In this way, we will be closer to learning to receive them without discomfort. Our relationships will be more sincere and satisfying.

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