My partner is bisexual: what to do?

Relationships are sensitive territories; structures that are sustained thanks to shared communication, trust, respect and love. However, they are at the same time fragile, since their solidity can be threatened by unforeseen situations, by those changes, discoveries and transformations that one of the members of the couple may undergo.

In this article Let’s explore what to do when our partner claims to be bisexual.and how this situation can confuse us and at the same time represent a challenge that facilitates learning and growth.

What is bisexuality?

At first glance, and taking into account the meaning of the prefix “bi” (two), it would seem to be very easy to define bisexuality as a sexual orientation in which erotic-affective attraction is directed to both men and women. This is because we are used to thinking about the world and sexuality in the masculine/feminine axis.

However, when we broaden the spectrum, we can realize that Bisexuality can involve sexual desire and romantic expectation directed towards more than one gender, generally, towards one’s own gender and another different gender identity.

In this way, bisexuality is configured as one of the most common forms of sexual diversity. Furthermore, it shows how exclusive heterosexuality has a certain normative character and that our desire can follow more than a single predetermined path.

Myths about bisexuality

Due to the challenge that bisexuality represents to heteronorm, a series of stigmatizing myths have been built around people who identify as bisexual. These, in addition to not matching reality, generate discrimination and questions about their choices and decisions.

Promiscuity and infidelity: Perhaps the most widespread myth is that of the tendency towards promiscuity of bisexual people. It is prejudicedly assumed that when a person is attracted to more than one gender, they tend to have more sexual partners and avoid monogamy. However, There is no evidence yet to demonstrate the correlation between sexual orientation, promiscuity and infidelity.Indecision and confusion: Another widely spread myth is that of bisexuality as a phase of confusion before assuming an openly homosexual identity. This imaginary is not only anchored in a deterministic, static and univocal vision of the relationship between sex and gender, but also minimizes the self-determination of people who proudly recognize themselves as bisexual. They feel attracted to both sexes with the same intensity. Some have a great predilection for one gender and very little for another or they may feel it in a balanced way. It depends on each individual. They contract more venereal diseases: It is thought that bisexual people are more likely to suffer from some of these diseases due to prejudices that were born from the HIV epidemic that expanded among the homosexual community in the 90s. However, nothing further from reality, since anyone can contract them without adequate protection.

What is biphobia?

These myths and prejudices towards bisexuality and people who embody this sexual orientation materialize in practices called biphobia. Biphobia is understood as the rejection that bisexual people face just for affirming and recognizing themselves as such.

In this way, within the possibilities of biphobic behavior, we find the denial of bisexuality. That is, the idea that bisexuality does not exist, the labeling of bisexual people as cowards or confused for not openly assuming their homosexuality.

In addition, we also find other types of discrimination and violence that sexual dissident minorities have historically faced. Some examples of this are exclusion from work and school spaces, harassment, physical attacks and even murder.

Bisexuality and relationships

Having defined bisexuality and the prejudices associated with it, it is time to raise some options about what to do when our partner opens up to us about their bisexuality. Let’s see them one by one.

1. Stop and reflect

It is normal for insecurities to arise associated with love and sexual desire, monogamy or the possibility of opening the relationship, and the difficulty of trusting. again in your partner. Before succumbing to these doubts, it is important to pause and reflect on the different implications that this revelation has for you, for your partner, and for the relationship you have built.

2. Clarify your feelings

First of all, identify how you feel. It is important to clarify your own feelings, questions and concerns, so that you can then convey them to your partner in a calm and respectful way.

3. Deconstruct your thinking and get informed from reliable sources

Many of your concerns may be based on biphobic prejudices. It will be useful to you resort to clear and reliable information about sexuality and the misconceptions that we have built about sexual diversity.

4. Speak clearly

Talk to your partner, let him know your feelings about his bisexuality; of course, in a respectful manner and careful not to make stigmatizing remarks. Remember that it is also a new situation for your partner and they may have felt afraid before sharing their sexual orientation with you.

Finally, decide

Taking stock of your feelings after talking to your partner will allow you to decide what to do.. It is logical that you should support it, but to do so your thoughts and attitudes must be internalized and in line so that you can do it well.

Your partner may require support to publicly recognize themselves as bisexual, and in many cases you will have to decide if you are ready to give it to them, and of course, if you want to do it. Remember that you are still ultimately responsible for your emotional well-being.

It is normal to need time to assimilate information and to deconstruct your beliefs, in case this is the first time you stop to think about this matter. If so, let your partner know and make a decision about the relationship together. Above all, remember that the most important thing is that an unimportant issue such as sexual orientation does not become a source of emotional pain.

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