My partner doesn’t listen to me: what can I do?

“My partner doesn’t listen to me, he’s like a wall. “He only takes into account his own needs and does not listen to reason.” This phrase may be familiar to more than one of you. It is also possible that that, and no other, was the reason for our last breakup. Because Communication problems are in 80% of cases the main cause of conflicts and distances between two people.

Is there an effective strategy to solve these situations? It should be noted that although there are various approaches to address this reality, it is a complex challenge. Sometimes we focus our attention on the other and blame them for not listening to us, but Inefficient communication is a two-way street. We may also be responsible.

There are different factors that may be mediating this fruitless and disabling dynamic. Some can be overcome and overcome by applying new strategies together and in harmony. These are skills that can be developed between the two to improve the relationship. In other cases, these communication challenges may be insurmountable.

What can I do if my partner doesn’t listen to me?

Close in band. Go to yours. Ignore. Understand what you want and say what suits you. We could give a thousand examples of that fruitless communication, in which our partner does not listen to us. The gender doesn’t matter; These deficits in correspondence, in active listening and the lack of a comprehensive dialogue appear in any person.

However, Sometimes, the problem is not so much the lack of listening, but rather what the other person says when we speak. For example, there are many people who seek to vent with their partner and their partner, instead of paying attention and understanding, does not hesitate to provide advice that the other does not really want or need.

This means that “my partner doesn’t listen to me” is added to “my partner doesn’t understand me”, when in reality each person has a different perspective on things and also on what communication is. So, and how can we deduce, This is a multifaceted reality with many fronts, nuances and edges.

Let’s see what we can do in these circumstances.

We have to understand why they don’t listen to us

When my partner doesn’t listen to me it can be due to two factors. The first because of his way of being and his personality. The second because there may be a problem in our communication. In the latter case, we ourselves could also be responsible for this deficit.

On average, the causes could be the following:

There are those who do not listen to you due to a clear confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance. That is, they only pay attention when we say something that fits their beliefs and perspective. If the message does not fit what they defend, they shut down.Communication problems in narcissists. This is another variable that we must consider. The narcissistic personality positions itself with the perspective that they know more than anyone else. Therefore, what we can say is irrelevant.My partner doesn’t listen to me because he’s angry. This attitude reveals a clear emotional and personal immaturity. Instead of addressing the problem, they avoid it by putting up walls or applying the law of silence.He doesn’t listen to me because of the tone I use. This is a factor that we cannot neglect. The way we address someone will make them more or less receptive. Raising your voice or using an aggressive tone makes this process difficult.Ignoring as a mechanism to avoid a problem. There are those who tend to turn a deaf ear when something does not interest them. For example, this happens when there is a problem in the relationship. Better to avoid than face that situation.Lack of trust and emotional distance. It is possible that the relationship has reached a decline in which the other feels resentful and distanced. It is a situation in which they can tell us that “I don’t listen to you because you don’t listen to me either.”

Let’s make ourselves heard, speak to understand each other (assertiveness in love)

Good communication in a couple is a shared exercise: it is a matter of two. Doing it the right way, as revealed in a study from the University of Georgia, predicts satisfaction in that emotional bond. Therefore, when the partner does not listen, it is advisable to correctly convey what we feel and need.

We must understand what is happening and to do so, we must make ourselves heard. The following strategies may be helpful.

Find the right time to speak with the couple about the problem in communication. Talk assertively and directly, without using reproaches, without lecturing or looking for blame. It is about proposing an improvement in conversations, the need to talk to each other and feel heard. To remember that A conversation is an exercise in mutual support and enrichment, not a power game.Avoid words like you “always” or you “never”. Use an affectionate, close and understanding tone and give the other person space to express themselves.Clarify what we can improve each other to achieve effective communication and active listening.

If the partner does not listen and continues with their “hearing blocks”, a decision must be made.

Indeed, sometimes our partner may continue with his auditory blocks and not commit to any changes. Ineffective, cold, and dishonest communication creates deep and painful rifts. So, If there is no progress, we can choose to resort to couples therapy.

Now, if the person does not give in and there is no understanding, we will consider another decision. After all, recognition, acceptance and appreciation in a relationship are nourished by the communication process and without it, nothing makes sense.

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