Learn to say what you really think

Assertiveness is a communication strategy based on saying things without attacking or subduing the will of the other, defending one’s own desires and opinions. But Saying what you really think, asserting yourself and without “stepping on” the other is not always an easy task. However, it is essential to establish healthy relationships and also to be happy to express one’s convictions and defend one’s rights.

Assertiveness is a form of conscious, direct and balanced expression whose objective is to defend one’s ideas, desires and feelings. without harming or offending the other. To do this, it is necessary to have self-confidence and self-control, as well as avoid getting carried away by emotions.

In this article we are going to tell you the keys to saying what you really want to say assertively, respecting others and making yourself respect yourself. Many times, Saying what you really think saves a lot of trouble, especially when it comes to saying “no.” If you say it well, you won’t have to repeat it again and others will respect you more.

Common mistakes in communication: What you should not do

If you want to be assertive, you must avoid these mistakes in your communication with others Don’t say “I feel like” as if it were a declaration of your feelings. or a statement about yourself. Example: I feel like you are a terrible listener when you interrupt me when I speak.Don’t accuse the other by guessing what you think they want to do. Example: I feel like you want to start a fight.Don’t interpret the other’s behaviors. Example: I think you didn’t call me to go out yesterday because you’re no longer interested in me.

Keys to assertiveness: What you should do

To overcome previous mistakes and be able to maintain healthy relationships, avoiding misinterpretations, the following keys are very useful to learn to say what you think and so that the other knows what you want to say.

Speak in the first person as many times as possible. The other will not become defensive and will maintain attention to see what they have to do to change without feeling attacked. The key is the description of one’s own feelings and why they have been triggered. Example: It hurts me that you didn’t ask me how my day went.Describe why you feel this way, what is the cause of your mood. It is not about accusing, but about explaining what happens to you when something happens clearly and without giving rise to misinterpretations. Examples: “I get scared when you scream”, “it makes me sad that you don’t say anything when I tell you my problems”…Ask for what you need to solve the problem. Without asking for what you want, you are only expressing your feelings, but you are not giving the other the keys to improve the situation. Assuming that the other person knows what he has to do is a bad habit. Put the emphasis on what you feel and what the other can do to help you or improve. Example: “It hurts me that you didn’t ask me how my day went. I feel better when you are interested in me.”…

The ABC of assertiveness: Structure of assertive sentences

To communicate assertively, Professor Craig Malkin, from Harvard University, proposes a simple communication structure: “I feel A (feeling), when you do B (action). I would feel better if C (request).”

It seems easy, although it takes a little time to do it automatically. The good news is that it works. You just need to practice so that assertiveness when saying things becomes a daily behavior.

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