Indirect violence in the family

Beyond the conflictive situations between spouses, there is an abyss of possibilities, fears and doubts, which affects the family nucleus, impacting both directly and indirectly on the children. But do we really know the consequences that this situation can have on children? How does perverse violence affect them?

Abuse of children

Psychological abuse in the family or family violence is sometimes camouflaged behind education, with the objective of breaking the child’s will to turn him/her into an obedient and docile being. Children in these situations are incapable of reacting, finding themselves under the dictatorship of silence due to the authority of adults.

Psychological abuse directed at children appears through verbal violence, contemptuous behavior, emotional rejection, contradictory education and disproportionate demands in relation to the child’s age. This type of family violence, which is never insignificant, can be exercised indirectly or directly.

The shadows of indirect violence

This type of psychological abuse, family violence, affects children rebound, since the violence is exerted on the other member of the couple, whom they try to destroy, thus affecting the children. The destruction aimed at the aggressor parent uses the means of verbal communication (scorn, total disqualification, insults, lies, etc.), as well as non-verbal communication (grimaces, pointing, etc.) as well as the destruction of physical objects, violent behavior such as beatings, glorification of past events, etc.

Children therefore also become victims, because they are there and because in some way they refuse to distance themselves from the attacked parent. They are witnesses of the conflict, receiving all the evil that the situation entails. Thus, children begin to isolate themselves, losing the capacity for individuation, due to the situation in which they find themselves immersed, to which is added the aggressiveness of the attacked parent that they have not been able to express with the aggressor, and the vilification of a parent over the other.

This situation of isolation can have serious consequences for children, since if they do not find a way to deal with it themselves, they will carry a burden of suffering that they will reproduce in other places, with other people and in other situations. With the passage of time, the aggressor parent passes hatred towards the couple, to their children as well, this being for whatever reasons a completely unacceptable behavior.

The situations of ambiguity that children experience can lead to their self-destruction, sooner or later, due to the uncertainty and moments of confusion to which they are subjected in one way or another. The malicious behavior, full of hate, and bad intentions of the aggressor parent, introduces them into a spiral with no exit in which the only thing children seek and hope for is the recognition of the parent who rejects them.

Something unlikely to happen, but which has serious consequences, such as children internalizing a negative image of themselves, accepting it as deserved. Thus, the aggressor father has in his hands a living and manipulable object, which he can subject to a large number of humiliations, which he himself could have suffered years ago or is suffering.

If your child displays happy behavior, or success in some aspect, it is unbearable for him, having a kind of need to make his child pay for the suffering he is experiencing or experienced. The manipulation of children is easy through emotional blackmail, since they tolerate without limits, excuse the people they love, and are always willing to forgive their parents, take the blame and try to understand them.

For children, family violence is a very difficult situation, since they are under the orders of a single parent, while the other, the one who is perpetually attacked, can rarely help them except by listening full of suffering. . The situation can even worsen when the non-offending parent walks away and leaves the child alone to face the other’s contempt.

Perhaps we see this situation as far from reality, the truth is that it turns out to be more frequent than we think. Therefore, it does not hurt to review our habits and behaviors from time to time, with the aim of modifying them if necessary, because violence is not only that we raise our hand to a child, or that we hit them, but also the act of humiliating them. , criticize him, and despise him.