I thought it was different, a heartbreak story

The day I met her something caught my attention. Maybe it was her way of thinking or questioning all those questions related to human existence. His concern about our passage between life and death led him to pose the most interesting hypotheses. That captured me immediately and prolonged our conversations until the early hours of the morning. What I didn’t know was that it was the beginning of a story of heartbreak..

The doors of hope and enthusiasm opened wide and gave way to passion, rapport and the search for meaning in everything that surrounded us. Different ideas and expectations about her began to emerge from my mind..

Our common interest led us to spend a large part of the day talking and sharing knowledge. A new sailboat was sailing the seas in search of new lands. Would we find a lost treasure? Perhaps as a result of a story of heartbreak, unexpected treasures will be found…

Not all that glitters is gold

Despite having similar concerns on an existential level, Little by little, we began to have small disagreements. Both of us, from our experience, acted as we believed was right. However, instead of getting closer, we moved further and further apart.

She began to distance herself from me. AND Where once there were reasons to speak, there were now excuses not to.. I sank into a state of disappointment and sadness that slowly distanced me from a passion that promised to be explosive.

Their interest in the objectives of human existence seemed to have faded in favor of work., in favor of typical social behaviors far from any type of intellectual concern. I went through places that were too common for me…

As Jack Kerouac wrote in his work In the path: “The only people that interest me are those who are crazy, people who are crazy to live, crazy to talk, crazy to save themselves, wanting everything at the same time, people who never yawn or talk about commonplaces, but rather It burns, it burns like fabulous yellow rockets exploding like spiders among the stars and then you see a blue light and everyone lets out an “Ahhh!”.

I remembered that in one of my psychology books, Professor Alberto Acosta, from the University of Granada, stated that “When love is reciprocated, self-confidence is usually improved and personal worth is reaffirmed. But, if it is not, self-esteem can suffer and despondency can overwhelm us.”.

For several days I felt identified with this explanation, I felt that The confidence he gave me improved my self-concept. However, I realized that falling into it was a mistake. Letting our self-esteem depend on the evaluation of someone else puts us in a position of weakness.

A story of heartbreak: our expectations

Pretending to be loved the way we want is an egocentric and selfish act. Unconsciously, on many occasions, we demand that the other person treat us as we would like. We love her for who we think she is and not for who she really is.

Our expectations begin to weave their networks. Every time we form more perfect ideas about that person. However, one day, Slowly, but surely, we begin to observe that our imagination does not correspond to reality..

At that moment, We realize that we have let ourselves be carried away by an image created by our desire to find a perfect love. Instead of accepting the other as they are and loving them with their virtues and defects, we have created a solid mold for their way of being.

One day, that mold begins to crack and we observe that the gold was nothing more than golden plaster. When the story of heartbreak begins to take shape, the descent is slow but painful. Rather, it is an emotional distancing from someone we believed was compatible with us. And maybe it was, but our excessive expectations have played a bad trick on us.

Nonetheless, On many occasions, we do not give up in our efforts to rekindle the flames of passion. We blow out the embers of what was in the hope that some flame will gain strength and keep alive a relationship full of passion.

Once again, we find ourselves with thoughts different from our own. We realize that it is no longer about not accepting the other, but rather In certain fundamental aspects we are like magnets of opposite poles.

What is happening to us?

Do we insist on maintaining something that really has little future? Holding on to an unrealistic expectation can lead us down somewhat tumultuous paths.

From Buddhist psychology, our excessive clinging to the expectations we form about the other person is defended. Really We do not initially fall in love with her, but with our thoughts about her.

Thus, when her behavior does not correspond to what we expected, we suffer and blame her for our unhappiness. Thus, It is not difficult to understand why a heartbreak story can happen with some ease.

However, Those responsible for expectations are us. Opening our minds and accepting others as they are, trying to form as few expectations as possible, will help us live a changing reality.

Finally, it is important to mention that This acceptance of reality does not guarantee that the relationship will be successful; but at least we won’t be stubborn in an idea created by ourselves, but we will be able to see reality as it is, without conceptual veils or prejudices.

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