I have friends, but I feel alone, what can I do?

“I have friends but I feel alone. I don’t perceive a connection with them, I’m missing something and I don’t really know how to explain what it is.” There are many people – young and not so young – who can have this feeling at some point in their lives. What’s more, this perception is very common when we go through times of crisis, complicated moments in which friendship is always necessary.

Aristotle said that a true friend is one who always wishes you the best. However, There are times when even having faithful people by our side, there is something wrong.. They are there, but we don’t feel them. They wish us the best, but the feelings seem imposed. And although they are there when we call them, their presence is neither warm nor close.

It is true that no one dies because they lack meaningful or deep friendships. However, existence shines brighter with them. When a friend fails us, weakens or breaks that psychological and emotional tendon that a relationship or family member does not always offer us..

I have friends but I feel alone, is this normal?

Loneliness is one of the epidemics of the 21st century. As we well know, this dimension, that of loneliness, can be specified in real loneliness and perceived loneliness and both have a high incidence today. Curiously, the feeling of isolation and disconnection, even having multiple close figures by our side, is common.

John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Social and Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, once said that we have a brain oriented toward social connection. However, authentic well-being does not only lie in having those connections, those bonds of friendship, couple or family. Satisfaction lies in feeling that these links are enriching..

Therefore, when we say to ourselves “I have friends but I feel alone” we must become aware of something. It doesn’t really matter how many friends you have, it doesn’t matter if they are 5, 20 or just one. If those bonds of friendship do not caress or validate you emotionally, what the brain experiences is stress..

Let’s now know what causes these situations and what we can do.

Loneliness in adolescents and poor quality friendships

In 2018, a health insurance company carried out a study in the United States that can be perfectly extrapolated to any country. Something that could be seen is that Young people between 18 and 22 years old are the loneliest population group. This trend and the perception of this feeling rose drastically in 2011, a time when the use of social networks and new technologies became much more established.

Today, there are many adolescents of 11, 12 and 16 years old who express that “I have friends but I feel alone”. The reason is that Relationships today are nourished almost exclusively by the digital mediumof that scenario that occurs on the mobile phone where the links are fragile, not long lasting and even unreliable for the most part.

What I can do?

It is very good to make friends through social networks and, of course, interact with those we already have through mobile phones. However, meaningful friendships are built through real connections sharing everyday experiences. We don’t need to have 20 friends or 2000 on our Instagram account to be happy.

Happiness and well-being is often found with a couple of friends. People to meet to share real experiences, anecdotes, adventures, intimacies and build a relationship based on authentic trust.

True friendship cares about you

Friendship is closeness, reciprocity, interest and concern. The feeling of connection arises between two or more people when they feel that others understand them and care about them. In this way, if right now you are going through a stage in which you are struck by the thought that “I have friends but I feel alone.””maybe you should clarify something.

Do you perceive that they care about you? It is not necessary for something to happen to you for these people to come to your aid. Real interest is demonstrated in everyday life. If those friends are not interested in how you are, how your day is going, if they do not ask you how everything is going and stay to listen to everything you have to say, that friendship is not valid. In these circumstances, if what you feel is emotional coldness and loneliness, it is best to assume that maybe you should change friends.

I have friends, but I feel alone: ​​maybe it’s time to clarify what I want

Loneliness is also described as the subjective perception between the desired social relationships and those we actually have at the moment (De Jong Gierveld and Van Tilburg, 2006, Hawkley and Cacioppo, 2010). What does this mean? It means that, sometimes, We reach a moment in our life cycle when we may need other types of relationships, interactions and people.

You may have good friends by your side, good people who have been with you since your high school years. However, it is common that at some point you feel that Those links no longer enrich you, they do not stimulate or nourish your existential needs.. Thus, far from dwelling on this situation, it is necessary to carry out an exercise in courageous introspection and clarification.

At the moment when the sting of loneliness appears, it is advisable to make decisions. It is neither healthy nor advisable to resign ourselves to sharing life with figures who, far from awakening illusions, extinguish them. Maybe it’s time to start new life chapters with different friends..

Doing so, taking the step, is acting in tune with our present needs to continue evolving as people in the future. Sometimes, you have to know how to let go of what no longer nourishes you in order to grow and gain happiness..

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