How to work on acceptance

When we lose a loved one (whether due to death, romantic breakup, end of a friendship…), when a stage of our life ends or when we lose something very valuable to us (for example, acquiring a physical disability in which we lose part of the autonomy or part of the body’s functionality), we must face a hard and uncertain stage, often full of potholes and pain. After this process, we reach our goal, which is the acceptance of the new reality. But how to work on acceptance?

In this article we will talk about this concept that allows us to assume significant changes and losses in our lives and how we can work on it through a series of guidelines and exercises. As we will see, they are generic guidelines that we can apply on a daily basis, but if we feel that we need external help, the ideal would be to go to a professional. Remember: ask for help when you need it, you deserve it.

Keys to working on acceptance

Acceptance implies, excuse the redundancy, accept a lived reality little by little adapt to the new situationin order to lay the foundations that allow us to build a new life project.

Apply zero contact and become aware

A first step to work on acceptance, and even more so if it involves breakup processes, is apply zero contact with that person. Moving forward means not staying stagnant and that is achieved by avoiding contact with those who are no longer in our lives.

In relation to this, the Argentine psychologist and writer Walter Riso, a reference in the field of emotional dependency and toxic relationships, believes that to achieve acceptance that a relationship has ended, we must apply zero contact with our ex-partner. . That is: eliminate it from the networks, avoid contacting it, do not idealize it and, above all, build a new life project that allows us to move forward.

What is the purpose of working on acceptance? The psychologist Silvia Congost, expert in self-esteem and emotional dependence, states that Working and promoting acceptance helps us live more peacefully. To do this, according to her, we must avoid falling into self-deception and become aware of the new reality. In her words:

Avoid denying the obvious

Another exercise we can do to work on acceptance is to avoid denying the obvious. In the case of breakups, that person is no longer or does not want to be in our life; In other types of losses (for example, the acquisition of a disability), it is about not anchoring ourselves in what, in principle, will never be.

These are complex and almost always painful processes and reaching acceptance is not achieved automatically; as we say, It is a process that takes time.

Exercise patience

Sounds easy doesn’t it? We know it is not; It is very difficult to be patient in these types of situations, especially when we feel that we are in a new reality that we have neither sought nor desired. In this sense, to work on acceptance, a good dose of patience and energy is good luggage to face little by little what we are experiencing.

But what is patience really? According to Gabriel Moreno Lavana, clinical psychologist, patience is the ability to tolerate unfavorable situations over which we have no control, such as the death of a family member, or a natural disaster. Patience, being a skill, can be trained, and will in turn lead us to work on acceptance.

Working on acceptance: grief

As we have seen, Working on acceptance involves actively involving ourselves in the process. through exercises such as zero contact, awareness, exercising patience, etc. All of these exercises and techniques are part of an even more extensive process: grieving.

Thus, to reach acceptance, we have to travel a path that seems mysterious and uncertain to us: the path of grief. Grief, according to Elisabeth Kübler Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist and writer and world expert on grief and death, consists of different stages that alternate and do not follow a pre-established order or pattern. These stages are: denial, anger, negotiation, sadness and acceptance.

According to Silvia Congost, and specifically in relation to breakup processes, in the first stage of denial we think that the other person will come back and end up reconsidering; Then comes rage and anger, where we wonder how they could have left us.

Later, sadness comes, a moment in which, according to the expert, we need to collect ourselves, take care of ourselves and be with ourselves. Finally, the long-awaited acceptance appears: We assume that we can’t do anything, that life goes on and it no longer hurts us.. It is the moment when we stop looking back to look forward.

This process explained by Congost can also be used when work on acceptance in other types of grief: mourning for the death of a loved one, for the loss of a job, for an immigration process, etc. Although each grief is different (and experienced in a unique way!), the stages mentioned are usually common.

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