How to set limits for children?

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How to set limits for children? It is important, when putting them, that they are clear, fair and proportionate. But what else needs to be taken into account when putting them on? What can help us do it? We leave you 8 key ideas!

Limits are “the rules of the game” of education. They allow us to teach behaviors, protect and transmit values. How to set limits for children?

It is not an easy task to make the little ones comply with them, and there is no single way to do it (let alone “the best way”). However, there are some ideas that can help us ensure that the limits we establish contain some teaching and, in addition, are fair and proportionate.

How to set limits for children?

How to set limits for children? Is there a way to do it “better”? We leave you 8 key ideas that can help you get started.

Start with simple limits

In general, children do not tend to react badly to limits. Sometimes they need time to adjust to thembut if they are communicated properly and they understand them, they do not have to exceed them (unless we are with children with a difficult temperament, very naughty, with behavioral disorders, etc.).

A first key idea that can help you when setting limits is the following: Start with simple limits and increase the demands as the child’s maturity also allows it.

Set clear boundaries

Another key idea about setting limits for children is that these should always be clear limits. Besides, It will be important to convey to the child what the limit is and why you should not exceed it.

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We must adapt this explanation to their developmental stage and age. Definitely, The most important thing will be for the child to know what he cannot do and why..

“When it comes to setting limits, it is important to explain to the little ones what they are (that they are well defined) and what consequences there are for exceeding them.”

Promotes reflection

When setting limits, it will also be important to encourage the child to reflect on why he or she should not carry out certain behaviors. Let him himself reflect on his behavior and its consequences.

We can promote reflection in several ways; through games, examples, being your model… The idea is that you not only know what you can’t do, but understand why (that will help you memorize those limits).

On the other hand, it will also be important for you to reflect on your behavior if it has exceeded the limits (if you have behaved “badly”).

Be firm and consistent

If we establish limits with the little ones, we must be firm and consistent with them. That is, on the one hand, They must be coherent, logical limits, that have a meaning.

For example: “You can’t look out on the balcony because you could fall.” There is a clear limit here, consistent with the possible consequence of jumping it.

And on the other hand, we must be firm: if we explain to the children that if they skip x limit, the consequence will be x, we must keep our word (because, if not, the risk is that they won’t take us seriously).

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Propose alternatives

Another key idea on how to set limits for children is to propose alternatives when acting. For example, saying: “You can’t do x, but you can do y.” What we are doing here is promote appropriate and positive behaviorwhich “replaces” maladaptive or inappropriate behavior.

Note that children need options, especially when we “prohibit” them something or limit a behavior. Furthermore, this is also learning.

“We must teach children what they cannot do, but above all what they can do.”

Practice overcorrection

Overcorrection is a behavior modification technique that consists of asking the child to perform an inappropriate behavior, to restore the initial situationor to “fix” the consequences of his action.

For example, if you’ve painted the couch, and you know you shouldn’t, implementing overcorrection would be having it cleaned. This is a useful limit-setting technique that teaches the child that certain actions have certain consequences.

Besides, It is a much more beneficial technique than others such as punishmentbecause in this case the child is taught something positive, he is not punished or scolded “just like that.”

Set fair and proportionate limits

The limits you set with children should be fair and proportionate. If they are not, they run the risk of generating rejection in the child.or even confusion.

Furthermore, if they see logic in that limit, it is easier for them to memorize it and, in general, respect it.

Take into account their age

Another key idea that you should be clear about how to set limits with children is to take their age into account. So, ideally, limits should be limits that: 1. they can understand and 2. that respect your evolutionary moment.

“At each evolutionary stage, there will be certain limits that should be set, and others that will be overcome with age.”

And for you, do you find it difficult to set limits? What helps you establish them? It is clear that each family will choose how to educate their children, but it is also clear that limits benefit children and adults.

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And these provide them with a guide, like a compass that tells us where yes, and where no.