How to be a less negative person in 5 steps

paul watzlawickin his book The art of embittering life (Ed. Herder), details the ways in which the human being manages to make his life negative through thought.

According to him, “an embittered life can be led by anyone, but embittering life on purpose is an art that is learnedIt’s not enough to just have some personal experience with a couple of setbacks.”

There are people who seem to drive a state-of-the-art radar to capture the negative and another from the First World War to perceive the positive.

But the truth is that negative thoughts affect us all to a different extent: they sneak in like unwanted guests blurring the present and the futureplunging us into destructive emotions and coloring reality to the point that, in extreme cases, any atrocity would be committed to run away from her.

After a traumatic event and in crisis situations, negative thoughts are more imperative, but in moments of peace they can also sprout and blacken the sky. Hence, managing them properly is crucial to living better.

the cells of the immune system they do not remain alien to our internal dialogue. Every time you have a negative thought, the brain releases substances such as adrenaline, cortisol, and other hormones that influence the nervous system, the muscles and the cardiovascular, respiratory and digestive systems.

“A negative thought weakenscauses discouragement, paralyzes… but above all it prevents evolution because the cerebral circuits carry out the same route over and over again, locking the person in the complaint, victimhood and comfort zone in which it has been installed. A negative thought is distinguished because does not lead to action or something useful; only consider the limitations, not the possibilities,” says Marta Ligioizmedical specialist in behavioral neurobiology.

The people who have had negative experiencesespecially in childhood have more negative thoughts: your brain interprets the present under the same key, but neither the memories nor the failure prophecies they should color reality.

The most harmful negative thoughts are those related to oneself because they are self-destructive.

In stages of change, uncertainty arouses more negative thoughts, but due to fear sometimes they also appear in love and happiness. Negative thinking is intended to protect from dangers and shows the weak points of a situation… to correct them.

Defending positive thinking at all costs is delusional and leads to denying the problems. Is about cultivate a realistic positivism because the positive and the negative are inseparable.

But is there a map to get out of this maze? Next we offer four keys to find out.

1. Take care of the scratched record and change the groove

The problem it’s not so much the negative thoughts themselves as the repetition that obliges to remain in the groove traced by them.

The human being produces tens of thousands of thoughts a day, but 95% of them are the same as the day before. That is to say, the mind can have something of a broken record. Not identifying with that repetitive fragment and seek a more global perspective It is the first step to finding a way out.

Trying to erase negative thoughts can be naive, because arise automatically and unconsciously. It is more about contemplating, listening or writing those thoughts without judging or giving them credit input.

In the face of discouragement, you have to be able to stop and ask yourself: what am I telling myself? Simple self-observation leads to change and transformation, as long as the person does not punish himself by discovering that he has fallen into negativity.

2. Learn to change perspective

The American psychologist barbara fredrickson asked a group of students under a high degree of stress to every night they wrote about the good that contained the situation they were experiencing. Just with that habit now Negative thoughts were significantly reduced and fewer physiological alterations were recorded.

“Negative thinking is a distorted way of assessing reality because it only takes into account one perspective. But a problematic situation contains a opportunity to evolve and learn. Many people say that getting sick has made them more aware of their needs. The problem can be faced from a defeatist point of view or as a possibility to develop new capacities. Nor is it a question of denying the problem, but of raise awareness and seek a solution“, says Dr. Ligioiz.

Other useful questions are: What benefits does this situation bring me? Have I overcome something similar before? What can I thank life? The answers allow a glimpse of the light in the tunnel.

sun martinezan NLP specialist, points out: “The solution is not on the same level of consciousness as the problem, that’s why it is important to go out and contemplate it from the outside. It is useful to explain to a third party what he is concerned about confront the internal monologue with reality. Other questions to ask yourself are: ‘Is what I am thinking completely true? Am I absolutely sure that is so?'”

“And above all: ‘What would I be without that thought? Can I let it go? What would happen if I did?’ This question is important to dismantle the trap that contains negative thinking, behind which a person can hide or justify what does not face“.

Sol also proposes: “qualify generalizations that color reality without nuances; For example, if I say to myself: ‘The same thing always happens to me’it is essential to specify: ‘When has this happened to me and when has it not?’

Each thought is associated with images, sounds… and passes through the mind as if it were a movie. Watching this tape again modifying the sounds, the speed, putting a clown nose on the characters that appear… is another way of changing the point of view.

3. Be forgiving and accept what happens

When reality is valued negatively through thought, it is done based on a personal and subjective value scale. However, it is naive to pretend that life fits what each person expects of it, to his ideal of justice or perfection.

Fighting leads to useless suffering. And how many times what is valued as the worst over time becomes what taught the most?

mireia darderpsychologist and gestalt therapist, notes: “It is not about judging what happens as good or bad, but about accepting it. It is important to say yes to these thoughts and the pain they cause instead of fighting with them, as well as saying yes to the situations that trigger them.

“This does not mean agreeing or resigning, but neither does it mean positively. Positive thinking can encourage denial instead of acceptance. It is as if the light were sought by killing the darkness, when life resides in both. However, if I say to myself: ‘Yes, this hurts me’, then I am better able to deal with it. It changes more from acceptance than from the fight, because then the serenity appears that allows discovering new resources “.

That acceptance is easier to achieve if it is accompanied by an indulgent attitude that counteracts the eternal demandcritical sense and perfectionism.

“Other cultures naturally facilitate this acceptance, but the Western is addicted to perfection and the more we tie ourselves to the perfect, the more we disconnect from life. The best is often the enemy of the good. Perfectionism has a demand and dissatisfaction that fill the mind with negativity” adds Mireia Darder.

“Shame, a source of negative thoughts, derives from the idea of not be perfect before the other. Anxiety arises because We are not what we want to be nor what we are. And let’s not forget that negative thinking fulfills a function: it allows you to rest from the exhausting demand in which addiction adds to perfection “.

“If I live enthusiastic in my imperfection, I save myself from being aware of myself and that allows me to look at others without comparisons, with which I can improve and abandon myself to the course of life without suffering in case things do not turn out as I wanted,” he writes. Xavier Guix.

4. What can I do to make the situation easier?

A cockroach asked a centipede: how do you manage to move so many legs in a coordinated way? And reflecting on the matter, the centipede was unable to take another step.

Until a certain point, thinking can mean ceasing to exist. Truly useful thinking occurs when the person is so connected to the present that it moves them to influence it.

The rest of the thoughts are linked to the pastwhich no longer exists, Or are they an anticipation of the future?which is not real either.

The simple fact of moving dilutes negative thoughts. It’s hard to keep them when you walk by a different landscape than usualis shared a good food or is done any enjoyable activity.

“In inactivity the level of serotonin in the brain falls, while in activity it rises and serotonin improves mood. If faced with a situation that fills me with negative thoughts, I take action and look for a solution, the intuitive, logical and unconscious capacities of the brain are awakened to head towards her. Many brain areas are activated to assess opportunities where before there was nothing but disaster. Then you bet on yourself!”, says Marta Ligioiz.

The question that most helps to take action and find a way out of the maze is: What can I do to ease the situation? It will be the way to put a direction to the thought and take responsibility to bring about change.

“Every human being, if he sets his mind to it, can be a sculptor of his own brain,” said Santiago Ramón y Cajal.

How to control negative thoughts?

Go down to the body. Negative thoughts have an effect on the body, just as they do when you are sick, tired, or hungry. If negative thoughts increase, it is convenient to observe if there has been an imbalance in the diet, if exercise, sleep, rest is needed… that is, if the needs of the body have been met. It is useful become aware of what sensations these thoughts causewhere tension accumulates, watch your breath, breathe in and, above all, breathe out deeply to facilitate relaxation.Unmask the character. Every negative thought hides an inner character: a severe judge, a punishing witch, a demanding father, a fearful mother… Unmask him It allows you to give it a voice, understand your intention and deactivate it.Drain the negative. think negative half an hour a day –and no more– writing it all down helps keep the mind clear the rest of the time. It is important not to reread.

Take fear to the extreme. Fear causes negative thoughts. Strategic brief therapy proposes exaggerate them and, at a peak, sustain the emotion And see what happen. Anticipation is the result of fear of the future and usually begins with a “what if…”. It is important detect and not respond to these thoughts so as not to feed them.Think the opposite. Who…