How to accept reality and the situation in order to move on

Human beings sometimes have a hard time accepting changes that life proposes, as well as the obstacles and conflicts that cross his path.

Before them, it is easy to get stuck and stay stuck in the complaint of what was desired and could not be, of what was lost or was not received. We reproach him and then claim the universe over and over again, as if it were governed by our same sense of justice.

It’s hard to gather the courage to surrender to what is bigger and more powerful. until you come to accept reality, the situation. But life does not interrupt its course for that reason nor does it cease to surprise us with new twists.

The burden of judging

The human being does not have power to decide most crucial events of your existence, such as the country you are born in, the time you live in, the body and intellectual potential you possess, the parents and other people you grow up with, who you fall in love with or who will love you.

Regretting or rebelling for it supposes a sterile fight It only prolongs the suffering. Instead, accept realitywith all the hardness and grandeur that make it up, allows open up to find a new path.

It is often said that what one resists, persists, and what is accepted, is transformed. The more you fight, complain and reproach, the more the bond grows with what is being rejected.

However, when opposition ceases and acceptance appears, action becomes simplefluent, friendly and safe.

But how to accept? Acceptance arises from an attitude similar to that which develops during meditationwhen thoughts are contemplated without identifying with them.

Consists in break the habit of judging as good or bad, right or wrong everything that happens, both outside and within oneself, because life moves beyond these labels.

As proposed by Lou Marinoff in More Plato and less Prozac: “When you set out to define the problem you are facing, try to find out what is happening without making judgments. You will be contemplating what philosophers call ‘phenomena’, that is, events outside of you, events that exist independently of your beliefs, feelings or wishes about it”.

learn from situations

It’s hard to overcome the inertia of getting involved in judging, but when you develop the ability to create that space, that silence beyond “should be”you can begin to perceive the world as it already is stop being a victim of situations to become their disciple.

Acceptance is the mechanism that connects each person with the resources available to them to adapt to circumstances, like the reed that moves with the wind without breaking.

It may help to keep in mind that some misfortunes bring with them a seed or a hidden gift that becomes visible over time. How many people, after suffering a life-threatening illness, are extremely grateful for the lesson that experience implied!

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It would be useful to ask if it is possible live what is happening differently. The death of an old and debilitated person, for example, even if it entails mourning, can imply a liberation for her and her relatives.

Deepak Choprain his book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Successdescribes the call “Law of Distancing”according to which, in order to obtain anything in the physical universe, one must first give up clinging to it:

“The need to cling arises from fear and insecurity, but the search for security is an illusion. Give up clinging to the known: if you enter the unknown, you will enter the field of all possibilities. In the unknown, you will find the wisdom of uncertainty, where the liberation of the past and the old conditionings takes place. It is the field of all possibilities, where we free ourselves to the creative mind that directs the dance of the universe.”

All this involves not only giving up many pre-established ideas about oneself, others and the world, but also understanding that the pleasure of living cannot be embraced without also embracing the pain of existing. Loneliness, disease, old age and death are part of existence.

Victor Frankl speaks of the maturational value of accepted suffering, of meaning that can be found in suffering for the lessons it brings.

Acceptance connects each person with their resources to adapt to circumstances, like the reed that moves with the wind without breaking.

The breaking of the old cube

But it should be noted that genuine pain is much less common than people think and that much of the suffering is the result of a kind of tantrum by not getting reality to conform to our will and expectations.

“Where we force ourselves, get stuck and suffer, there is the ego itselfwho always manages not to accept reality and manipulates, calculates, conjectures, worries, tries to control, clings… instead of letting go and trusting, instead of allowing everything to flow, create a space and open to receive the new”, writes Ascension Belart.

It is said that Chiyonoa Zen nun student of Master Bukkó, patiently practiced meditation for thirty years without obtaining the results he was looking for.

A full moon night, like so many others, Chiyokô He carried water in an old bucket bamboo patchwork and the moon reflected on the surface of the water. The nun looked at herthinking about reflections and the source from which they come.

then the rope broke, the bucket fell and collapsed and the water ran on the floor. People say that at that instant Chiyokô reached enlightenment. To celebrate, he wrote this poem: “For a long time I have transported this old bucket / whose bamboo staves were breaking. / Until the bucket collapsed. / Now, there is no water in the bucket! / There is no moon in the water! / Only emptiness in my hand”.

It’s the magic of acceptance: turn off the fight, undo the old molds, heal and allow change.

The same happens in any process of personal growth: it is impossible to move forward while denying a part of yourself. People can be accepted unconditionally or accepted only if a number of conditions are met. conditionssuch as: “to be a successful person”, “to be a serene person”, “not to be afraid”…

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But what happens when those requirements cannot be met depending on the circumstances? Anxiety, depression, maybe even illness set in.

And even if those conditions are met,what price will have to pay to fulfill them? How much effort and demand will be necessary?

hidden perfection

The search for perfection in oneself and in others can hide a ideal of superiority and omnipotence that favors dissatisfaction. However, when the perfect is renounced with humility, then it is possible embrace the greatness of the small and surrender more strongly to the pleasure of living.

he told me Jorge Bucayin an interview for Cuerpomente, which the enormous energy that goes into hiding the barrel where everything that is rejected and shamed is kept cannot be used for other things and prevents enjoyment of life and of more authentic relationships: “To be able to release the ballast from the barrel, the first step is to understand that it is not about hiding it deeper or putting more stones in it to bury it, but about let it surface. The second step is to believe yourself valuable enough to say to yourself: I will be able to love myself whatever the contents of the barrel are.”

Looking at our children, our partner, our parents and ourselves feeling that they are perfect just the way they are, saying: “I love you exactly as you are without the need to change anything”produces miraculous effects on the other and on oneself.

Life is a continuous process of acceptances and a permanent dialogue with reality. You can choose to fight and try to prevail over it; Or navigate through it smiling at what it brings, bow down before its mystery and its incommensurability, learning to see problems as friends and not as burdens, being disciples instead of victims or inquisitors of a great universe, which perhaps has a specific purpose.

as it says Herman Hesse in Damien: “I was a project of nature, a project towards the unknown, perhaps towards the new, perhaps towards nothingness and my mission, my only mission was to let this project that sprouted from the depths come true, feel its will in me and identify myself with him completely.”

The challenge of loving what happens

Byron Katieauthor of love what is (Ed. Urano), remember that to accept reality the first thing is to focus on yourself.

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You suffer when you take a thought for granted that disagrees with what it is. Then, it is worth asking: “What would I be without that thought? How would I feel if I did not have it?”

In the face of a misfortune, explanations are desperately sought. But, as it concludes Harold S. Kushner in When bad things happen to good people (The Beginning Books), things often happen without explanation that can be of consolation.

Accepting reality is accepting that what is immutable is mutation, that neither good nor bad remains. That’s why you shouldn’t get too attached to good things.

5 exercises to feel better about yourself

Accept others. Set aside a day to give yourself and the people around you permission to be as they are without imposing any idea of how things should be or seeking a forced solution.Feel the force of life. Close your eyes and imagine that you are in front of your parents, that behind them are their parents, behind their parents, then their parents… As you see all your ancestors, sense a mysterious force – the force of life– that through these generations has come down to you. When you feel it, lower your head. Then turn around and, leaning with your back to your parents, look towards your children and towards the life that remains to come through you.

Learn to flow Imagine that you are on the bank of a river and you get on a raft to navigate it. First the raft is tied to a tree by a rope, but little by little you release the rope and let the raft be carried away by the current. Keep opening your eyes if fear appears and closing them again to open yourself as much as possible to the experience of going down the current without exercising any control over the direction the raft takes or its speed.Free yourself from judgments. The judgment of others is one of the main obstacles to accepting things. She closes her eyes and while the thoughts flow without paying attention to them, she lets this phrase appear: “I free myself from the judgment of others.” She sits it down as you repeat it over and over. Contemplate each of his words and enjoy the feeling of living more in accordance with your inner desires.Cultivate compassion. All human beings struggle to be happy and suffer at the same time. Suffering is everyone’s evil. Keeping it in mind helps develop compassion that allows acceptance even of those who have done us the most harm.