How couples who don’t argue over silly things behave

As much as we think it’s a sad situation, the chance of a marriage ending up in divorce these days is huge. And we’re not just referring to Brazilian couples; this is a common reality worldwide. In Russia and the United States, for example, around 40% of couples separate in their first marriage; 60% of those who marry for the second time break the relationship; as well as 70% of those who marry for the third time. In order not to get into these statistics, it’s time to learn how to resolve conflicts peacefully, using simple and super positive psychological tricks. For example, the American Elizabeth Schmitz, author of the book In marriage, simple things matter (In a marriage, the little things matter) says that often, an argument can be extinguished with a simple physical contact.

O awesome.club compiled a number of recommendations from psychologists to help get rid of annoying situations in a relationship in order to avoid showdowns in the future.

Psychologists maintain that there is nothing shameful about going to bed offended. So you will have time to calm down, calmly think over everything, and in the morning there will be a high probability that there is already a solution to the problem. And if not, then it’s best to leave it to settle the matter with a fresh head, without running the risk of burning yourself out from fatigue and irritation and offending your partner so that you can regret it later.

Naturally, what you least want is to touch the person who made you angry, but this simple advice really works. A light touch acts as a calming effect and reminds your partner of the importance of being together. It is not even necessary to hug, just put your hands together or place one of the 2 on your shoulder or knee.

You may have to contend with your own instinct to avoid contact, but it’s worth remembering that the more you distance yourself in a conflict, the more likely you are to explode. Sometimes, a single touch can not only extinguish, but even prevent arguments.

The phrase “You must’ do something”, said to your spouse, at first glance, may seem harmless. But in reality, “you must do” is one of the most destructive statements of all that we can say. See how much easier it is to say things more politely so as to avoid conflict: “You have to help me around the house” or “I like your help around the house. It’s hard for me without you.”

Instead of dwelling on questions about why your spouse acts this way or that, how about getting right to the point and asking? Of course, avoid starting the conversation armed with arguments and hard feelings. Try to ask questions calmly and in a friendly tone of voice.

The habit of asking your partner about what worries him will help resolve many conflicts still in the initial phase, without leading to unwanted situations or future disagreements.

When we argue, we tend to be very serious, as if we are unleashing World War III. But in reality, a good joke at the right time can radically quell a conflict. Acknowledge it: neither of you really wants to argue. The only goal, when starting an argument, should be…not to argue.

Humor can have a healing effect on people in a state of war. Relieve the situation, make your body produce the happiness hormone and calm down. It’s better to laugh along a “foolish” reason for an argument, than to inflate it until reaching the magnitude of military operations.

It might sound a little contrary to what we just said about laughing at situations. But that’s exactly the point: in certain cases, you can’t make jokes or ignore certain situations that bother you. Better to face the situation head on and try to get things straight as objectively as possible. After all, pushing the problem with the belly can cause discord to accumulate until it becomes a ticking time bomb.

In truth, discussing is even useful if, Of course, it’s done right. In calmly and appropriately conducted discussions, you will learn many new things about your partner; you will discover the reasons that worry you and you will know which points it is better not to insist on in the future, in order to avoid new confrontations over trivialities.

As soon as you enter the conflict, especially if you started it yourself, you immediately feel guilty, which provokes aggression towards your loved one because you are unconsciously convinced that he is to blame for your embarrassment and behavior . And then, from the blame phase, you move on to blaming the other, flooding conflict situation after conflict. And again you feel guilty. It is a vicious circle.

This cycle of blaming and feeling guilty can go on forever and the arguments will only snowball. If you want to avoid a breakup with your partner, take the first step to break this cycle. Start with what’s easiest: forgive yourself or your loved one. Allow yourself not to feel guilt about the conflict and not blame the other for it.

And you, do you have your own tricks and tips that help to avoid conflicts?