Getting out of depression without support: mission impossible?

Depression is a taboo for many people.. Often people hide that they are suffering or that they have suffered, as if it were something shameful that must be forgotten as soon as possible. but there is many life lessons that are learned in an experience like the one I am going to tell in the first person.

Facing problems alone

The specific reasons that led to my depression they are not relevant to this article. Suffice it to say that a separation, financial ruin and the feeling of betrayal on the part of close friends came together.

It was what doctors call exogenous depression –caused by external events– and at first I did not want to undergo therapy some. I attributed my low spirits to the barrage of negative consequences I was reaping from making too many wrong decisions.

Aware of my mistakes, I could soon rebuild my life in a much more solid way. It was about hold out until the emotional storm passed.

Loneliness amplifies depression

But one thing is theory and another is practice. This adverse situation – a colleague accurately described it as “a sum of calamities” – was amplified by my sudden loneliness, since in addition to being without a partner, many people had moved away from me for fear that I would ask them for a loan or overwhelm them with my problems.

You have to have a very strong and compassionate nature to accompany someone who is going through a depressive process, since negative conversations tend to be repeated and nothing you say or do seems useful to help the other, beyond feeling heard.

The fact that, as a writer and freelance journalist, I worked at home made it an added challenge to get out of the hole. I spent the day licking my woundswith no motivation to go out because I was disappointed in the world and if I did come clean with someone, I didn’t feel understood.

This caused the storm to intensify instead of abating. I soon lost my hunger -I managed to lose six kilos in a week- and I couldn’t sleep more than three hours, since the centrifuge of negative ideas was activated again after that period of time.

The importance of foreign aid

When I understood that by myself I would not get out of that, I looked for therapists who could accompany me in the process. And I speak in the plural because there were several.

In fact, following the advice of fellow professionals, I got to have three at a time: a court psychologist humanista therapist EMDR to help me sleep and a doctor friend who prescribed some medication for a few months, since in his words: “To get out
from where you are now, you have to make a series of decisions that will require you to be better than you are now.

They all helped in their own way. and finally I reached a kind of apathy that allowed me to lead a normal life, which did not mean that I had recovered the illusion of living.

The limits of therapy

In my case, when I left the office of the humanist therapist, who was the one I spent the longest with, I felt empowered to turn my existence around, but after 24 hours my mood was down again.

Every therapist does his job to the best of his ability. His action is inspiring but punctual, and can never and should never be confused with the warmth of a true friend.

When the downturn was very pronounced, I did not have the option of requesting an urgent visit. Being a well-known therapist – I reflected our conversations in the fable The Secret Lesson – she had a full schedule three weeks from now, even to make a skype. At most she could hope to talk a couple of minutes on the phone.

In such a case, knowing that You will have to wait so long to treat what anguishes you It is like, for someone who is dying of thirst, knowing that there is an oasis fifteen days away.

Friendship, ally against depression

Fortunately, I had more subtle but constant sources that refreshed me daily on the journey. These were two friends who gave me encouragement until I got back on track with my life.

You have to bet on a reality full of people who are not afraid of delicacy.

One of them was a doctor in biology who lived in Chile, where he had been hired as a university professor. Knowing my status he started calling me every night at the same time so that I could tell him about the progress of the day and my concerns. In turn, he told me anecdotes that made me laugh.

For more than three months, I waited every night for that hour when, through this guardian angel, he took up the thread of humanity, despite the more than 10,000 kilometers that separated us.

The other guardian angel was a recent friend and co-worker who He began to come to my house every Monday morning for tea. I was never in a hurry and we talked about books, experiences and projects. One morning we even watched a movie together that lasted almost three hours. Besides that, every afternoon he wrote me a whatsapp to make sure I was still here.

With the perspective of time, I have understood that these two friends were my main allies to escape from the hell that I had built for myself.

Internal help: wanting to change and proposing to do so

In addition to this valuable external support, I soon realized that the true transformation would not take place unless I did something myself.

Before falling into depression, he had already been working for a couple of years with art therapies. not just eat literary sherpa –by helping new authors reach the top of their first book–, but also through a method that I baptized as “Piano Satori” and that allows anyone to play the piano with two hands from the first day.

The results had been amazing. Not only because of the rapid progression of those who thought they were “denied” for music, but because of the self-esteem they gained by achieving something they had considered impossible, as well as awakening a dormant sensibility.

The one who needed to wake up now was me, so, applying my own medicine, I assigned myself a mission: compose a piano piece a month for a year, in a project called The 12 Autumns that today can be heard on Spotify or YouTube.

In addition to collaborating with a different musician each month, which gave me company, that was an x-ray of my soul. Through the songs I could perceive my evolution, as happens to any person who writes, paints or performs another artistic activity that reflects their interior.

Return to the world: sharing the acquired wisdom

After my crossing of the desert was completed, the moment arrived when I felt ready to return to the world as someone different. She had suffered and she had learned. Now she could empathize much more with the pain of others, understand their processes from experience.

My angel from Chile then proposed a new challenge: after many months of monastic life, he threw me the challenge to go out five days in a row, from Monday to Friday, with five people who will bring something new and different to my life. I did so, and the second datethe one of that Tuesday, became who is my partner for two and a half years now.

I have never felt alone again. Nor when I’m alone with myself.