Feeling of belonging: the need for union and acceptance

The feeling of belonging gives us roots and an indisputable psycho-emotional substrate.. We all need to feel part of larger groups or environments, relevant to other people’s lives and even meaningful to a specific place. This set of experiences gives us security and beyond what we may believe, a good part of our psychological well-being also comes from this dimension.

“Belonging” is a seemingly simple word. However, This concept integrates a good number of processes, emotions, cognitions and expectations that can benefit us or cause suffering.. Thus, a person who does not perceive this feeling in their life is very likely to move forward in their daily lives with the shadow of emptiness and the pain of loneliness.

Although it is true that it is not common to talk about this reality in psychology, we are undoubtedly faced with a topic that is worth dwelling on. We delve into it.

Feeling of belonging: what does it consist of?

We can define the feeling of belonging as a subjective experience that It is related to the need for connection to a specific social group, person or place. They are a set of mental and emotional states that arise when sharing the same experiences, values, goals, desires with someone… Likewise, this dimension is like that internal light that illuminates us in almost any circumstance.

For example, one can live in a foreign country for work reasons. However, their thoughts and memories focus on that family or on those people who are in their city of origin and who in a certain way make up their emotional refuge. That feeling defines the basis of belonging: where our roots and sentimental home reside. This concept has also been studied for decades by psychology given its implication in our psychological balance.

An example, Carl Rogers, humanistic psychologist and promoter of person-centered therapy, emphasized the importance of this dimension. The sense of belonging, as Abraham Maslow defined at the time, is a human need, just like the need for food and shelter.. It is therefore part of the basis of that first psychological substrate that, if lacking, causes suffering.

Sense of belonging as a component of identity and self-esteem

Few things give us as much well-being as feeling like we are part of something or someone.. At this point, it is possible that more than one person says that they do not feel identified with their family. Furthermore, it does not experience roots in a specific place or country. Well, the truth is that the feeling of belonging goes beyond these ideas.

This feeling is also strengthened by the ties of friendship. Our passions, work, hobbies, tastes or that place we go to because it makes us feel good in turn make up the feeling of belonging. For some, religion or their philosophy of life edifies also the bases of said experience.

It is important that each of us define what our current sense of belonging is. This emotional roots also build who we are and the vision we have of our own person. They are figures, references and entities that validate us, that make us feel good and give us security. All of this traces the fabric of our identity and strengthens self-esteem.

Lack of attachment/belonging is related to harmful effects on physical and psychological health

Social psychologist Roy Baumeister of Duke University conducted research on the feeling of belonging in the 90s. Something that became evident was how This lack of roots and attachment can lead to psychological problems in many cases. and also health.

This is especially striking in childhood and adolescence. The lack of solid references capable of conferring affection and security in early times has a great impact on the child’s brain. It’s more, Experiences such as bullying represent a hard break in that needed feeling of belonging that a child has with his or her peers..

This experienced social pain is processed at a neuronal level in the same way as physical pain (Eisenberger, Lieberman and Williams, 2003).

How can I achieve a feeling of belonging if I don’t have it or don’t feel it right now?

We all enjoy that feeling: of belonging somewhere, of being part of someone’s life. Knowing that there are people who love us and with whom we can share experiences, thoughts, values ​​and goals gives us security… It is also beneficial to feel that there is something that ignites our motivation and that gives us meaning at the same time.

Lacking all dimensions is like walking through the world half naked. Without anything to remind us where we can return to feel good, without those people who support us from a distance, extinguishing fears and giving us meaning. We therefore need to develop and attend to the sense of belonging. Let’s discover ways to achieve it.

Ways to build your own sense of belonging

Building this perception of belonging to something or someone requires an active effort from us. Nothing comes to us alone. Our family roots may not be the best. It is also possible that our relationships have not been particularly happy. Where then is our sense of belonging?

Focus on people, build new connections, friendships that bring out the best in you. Look for those figures with whom you share common values ​​and hobbies. It’s a good way to start.Clarify your vital meanings. What defines you, what motivates you, what excites you and gives you significance? Think about it, look for that trail in your daily life and unravel what is important to you. That will be your emotional home.

Psychotherapist Carl Rogers explained that often to define our sense of belonging we are forced to accept many things from our past and turn the page. Only when we heal what hurts do we embrace what comes to us. It is then when we can consolidate new relationships and with them, those roots that allow us to grow.

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