Fear of being alone: ​​4 keys to overcome it

Better alone than in bad company. We can even go beyond this set phrase.

Good solitude is what keeps us away from bad companies. Learning to use the time we spend alone, instead of wanting to escape loneliness at all costs, is as important a skill as knowing how to relate to others.

Of all the situations that generate fear and restlessness in us, feeling alone is undoubtedly one of the most feared. In all corners of the planet, surveys show a correlation between personal happiness and the feeling of being surrounded by family and friends. “Feeling heard”, “meeting with my friends” or “being with happy people” are the most repeated statements.

Enjoy good solitude and good company

However, this can lead to confusion. like thinking that being surrounded by many people is the guarantee of our happiness. Let’s not fool ourselves, this depends above all on who they are accompanying, on the profiles of the people who fill our environment and on What are their positive contributions to our vital growth?.

At a certain moment in life, some people realize that their closest circle contributes little to them, who have discovered that what they have in common with them is little or see that these relationships are empty of meaning.

It is precisely in these circumstances where loneliness acquires an essential value: it protects us from bad choices in the relationships we establish. For this reason, learning how to manage loneliness is of vital importance for our search for well-being.

If you know how to be with yourself, you will choose better who you want to be with

When a person has not exercised in the arts of solitude and has not learned to feel good in it, they desperately seek the company of another. Any person, by the fact of existing, can satisfy that need. Instead, If you know how to be with yourself, you will choose better who you want to be with.

However, if when we are alone we feel good, our level of demand with relationships increases and we are looking not only for people who accompany us, but also who enrich us, give us meaning and contribute, directly or indirectly, to making the best of ourselves flourish.

There is nothing selfish or interested in wanting to surround ourselves with beings that benefit us and make us ascend in our process of transformation and personal improvement. On the contrary, it is a sign of coherence, intelligence and a clear desire to excel in life.

The fear of being alone: ​​a life without goals

There is another element that makes it even more bloody: the pain of loneliness. These words of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi express it perfectly in his work Flow: “When one is alone and there is nothing that needs to be done…”. For many, the lack of structure in those lonely hours is devastating.

We are used to external stimuli and objectives helping us to keep our attention focused.. Hence, for example, media such as television are so useful to so many people: the screen, with its predictable storylines, familiar characters, and redundant advertisements, offers a certain order to consciousness and a reassuring model of stimulation.

It is relatively easy, when you have resources and company, to enjoy friends, feel committed to work, entertain yourself with a hobby that motivates us. The difficulty arises when we have to deal with our own internal resources, only U.S.

Loneliness should be experienced as an opportunity to acquire new skills and aptitudes

Learning to make use of time in solitude, instead of escaping from itIt is a skill as essential as organizing efficiently or having healthy routines.

Being alone should be lived as an opportunity In order to achieve goals that cannot be achieved with others, the person enjoys retirement and may even be able to acquire new skills and abilities.

On the contrary, if loneliness is experienced as a condition to be avoided at all costs, the person will panic and resort to meaningless distractions. Being alone does not necessarily have to be a traumatic experience.

On the one hand, we must take it as an essential skill that protects and guarantees the quality of our relationships.

For another, involves generating personal challenges and goals whose realization requires moments of recollection and retirement. Only then will we eliminate the stereotypes that accompany this experience and we will learn to extract the best from it.

4 tips to enjoy being alone

1. Evaluate your relationships

Review your list of friends and family, and analyze what they bring you. Sometimes, some are limited, for example, to criticize others behind their backs. This practice extinguishes the light of our hearts, deteriorating the health of our interactions.

2. Meet new people

The activities for which you have sympathy, or true devotion, and your hobbies are a good space to focus your energies. Find people with whom we feel attuned and connected Sometimes it requires a good dose of will.

3. Reflect and identify your desires

Your vital objectives, pending subjects… Keep in mind everything you always wanted to do but it required you a quiet time in solitary to facilitate your dedication and concentration.

4. Think small

It is about taking advantage of any moment to increase our skills cooks learning new recipes; read that pending meditation book and put it into practice; look for a documentary about that historical event that arouses us so much curiosity…