Emotional tourism, navigating without a compass in love

When we suffer a very painful breakup or have had several unsuccessful relationships, we may find ourselves lost. Something like a ship lost in the middle of the ocean, adrift and out of control. For many people, the alternative to this situation is emotional tourism. A flight forward, without healing or prior scarring.

Separate from the person with whom you have gone through different stages of life, It means suffering from physical but also emotional distancing. And it is precisely this last one that is most difficult to heal because we tend to resist it.

Emotional tourism, an incomplete grieving process

After a breakup, many people go through a long grieving process. in which little by little, they come into contact with reality: the loss of a life partner. At first they refuse to accept it. Later, hopelessness visits them and they may even experience depressive and anxiety symptoms.

The next phase of the process is acceptance. The return to the real world and the assumption that illusions were mere utopias. It’s time to rebuild and meet new people. Finally, if everything goes well, you experience the feeling of improvement. You are finally able to analyze the previous relationship objectively and learn from past mistakes.

Emotional tourism arises in those people who do not complete this grieving process. out of fear or as a defense mechanism. They remain stuck in one of the stages and deny themselves the opportunity to maintain positive relationships in the future. They choose to desensitize themselves and maintain interpersonal ties with others as a tourist pastime.

The aimless sailors

Emotional tourists jump from person to person, from one place to another, from one port to the next. Without a fixed direction. They just let themselves go. They explore new sensations and define themselves as true adventurers. They seek pleasure, joy and euphoria. They do not feel the need to commit nor do they take responsibility for the people they associate with.

Now, these people should not be confused with those who choose not to have a partner because they prefer to be single. Emotional tourism is not the result of choosing to be single, but rather a behavior derived from emotional self-sabotage.

They refuse a lasting bond

Emotional tourism unconsciously plays against the person’s wishes. Thus, although these surfers want to start a stable relationship with a new partner, they cannot do so because they have not yet faced the pain of their previous breakup.

They are stuck in the past, even if they pretend not to. That’s why, They prefer to go from island to island, without stopping to reflect on any shore. In this way, if they find their longed-for “paradise,” they do not allow love to rule their hearts again. They let that person escape and continue traveling around the world.

They always leave the door open

If you come across them, they will surely encourage you to follow their philosophy. “It is better to repent of what you do than of what you do not do.”. “Take a risk. If not, you don’t know what could have happened.”.

Emotional tourists often prefer a “see you later” to a goodbye. They hint that they can return at any time. But also that they will never do it.

histrionic intermittence

It is a love at times. Today yes and tomorrow no. The emotional tourist comes and goes. Their daily lives are governed by instability, debauchery and selfishness. Those on the other side of the port end up expecting nothing from him.

This behavior can be very dangerous psychologically. It is a way of living day to day that can become addictive and generate dependency. And more so, if emotional tourism is assumed as a lifestyle. Being on a constant tightrope generates an insecurity that can be pathological.

Exacerbated extroversion

Emotional tourists enjoy making new friends and maintaining sporadic relationships as much as they enjoy letting them go or breaking them up. It exasperates them and motivates them in equal measure. Their relationships rarely end up being productive, because they prefer to enjoy the journey. Your life is based on the here and now.

If it is temporary, it serves as learning

Nevertheless, Sometimes it is convenient to get out of the box and discover the world. Many people, after emerging from a particularly damaging and long-lasting love situation, decide to travel to new places.

If you begin your emotional tourism route and are aware that you are doing it to let go of your pain, then you will be able to navigate, get lost and find yourself again without causing harm to the people around you. This journey, especially for the most emotional people, usually serves as a great learning experience, because it becomes a well-run and enriching experience.

How to help the emotional tourist

The most normal thing is that these people are not aware of the emotional exhaustion they are suffering. If they decide to listen to you, It is advisable that you advise them to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Only a couples specialist will be able to help you make the necessary adjustments to normalize your life.

In these cases, It is not about changing convictions or values, but about helping to redirect the meaning of life and break the shell built as a protection mechanism for reciprocated affection.

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