Decalogue for communication with a teenager

My son is a teenager, now what? Many parents ask themselves who do not want to lose good communication with their children.

Much has been studied to find the best way to understand the functioning of the adolescent brain. Much has also been written about how to educate them so that parents have a useful tool to prevent their home from being the epicenter of a hormonal explosion. But little can be done.

Adolescence cannot be fought; It can be understood, accompanied and made to flow. The errorr has always been there; It is not about us understanding the adolescent, it is about the adolescent being able to understand the adult. With a teenager you don’t have to fight, you have to dance

But it’s not about throwing in the towel. The most important work with a teenager has to be done when he is a child. Then any change will be more difficult and sometimes you will only be able to sit and see the result. However, yes There are certain strategies or tactics that we can put into practice to help the teenager understand us.

12 guidelines for communication with a teenager

As a rule, distrust any advice that contains the words always and never . Fortunately or unfortunately, No human brain works exactly the same as another.so each brain or, in this case, each adolescent, could need a different action strategy.

Teach him to express his emotions. Psychology consultations are full of people who don’t know how to express their emotions. Take the opportunity to develop your active listening. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking “how do you feel?”.Try not to base the dialogue on your youth experience. Young people do not have the same perception of time as adults and they consider everything that happened before they were born prehistoric. One of the main causes of the difficulty of establishing healthy communication with adolescents is perceiving and accepting, on both sides, the age difference. Ask for their help even when you don’t need it. Take advantage of when you see him bored at home to ask him to help you with a task. Reinforce the things they do well, their autonomy, their responsibility, thank them for their help and explain what would have happened if you had not had their assistance: it would have taken longer or even you would not have been able to do it. You will help improve their self-esteem. Don’t shout, try to have a reasoned dialogue. If you don’t like something in their attitude, tell them, explain your reasons, talk and propose different alternatives together. Apologize when you’re wrong, show him your most human side and you will teach him to forgive. When he hears you say “you are right, I did it wrong” either “I have made a mistake” They are also teaching you how to ask for forgiveness. Don’t criticize your friends. Whether we like it or not, they now form your reference group, sometimes even as important or more important than your own family. Never make fun of him, neither of his image, nor of his clothes. Additionally, she remembers the clothes and hairstyle you wore at her age.Show interest in one of your hobbies. Take the opportunity when they are playing with the console (or with their cell phone or tablet), to ask how to play. Don’t fake it, create a real interest and if they let you, be encouraged to participate. Take advantage of that invitation to, during that time, be as adolescent as he/she: be competitive, if you can get close to her level, challenge her, take some time to be her playmate. As far as possible, avoid abruptly ending the meeting to return to being their father/mother with a Well, come on, we’re done, go set the table; and most importantly, have fun.
Set rules in the house that you can and want to follow too.. If you don’t teach by example you will teach little.If you lie to him, trust disappears. It seems obvious, but how many times do we forget it. Be authentic, don’t pretend to be the teenager you’re not. Wearing a t-shirt with the Jamaican flag or dancing to reggaeton rhythms when you usually wear a shirt and listening to jazz These are not recommended approach strategies since they can cause, apart from embarrassment, doubts about our true intentions.

The couple as an ally

Our partner is, without a doubt, the greatest of our allies in raising a child. But, like any well-prepared team, it needs an action plan in which both parties are coordinated.

Adolescents, and children much earlier, are experts at detecting cracks in the unity of the parental team, so It is important that adults have healthy and fluid communication.

The way in which we communicate with our partner will be perceived, examined and analyzed by the adolescent and the result of all this will significantly influence how he or she communicates with us.

Communication with a teenager is a matter of subtleties, not of impositions, shouting or prejudices. It is a constant exercise in flexibility that can bring us all closer and help us grow together.

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