Crying in public: why don’t we normalize it once and for all?

Crying in public, in front of acquaintances or complete strangers. When was the last time that happened to you? Most likely, you still have that memory very vivid because it is not a pleasant situation. On average, expressing our deepest emotions in the eyes of others is an uncomfortable experience that usually embarrasses us.

The most striking thing is that there are groups that do seem to be allowed it. Often, we see athletes cry from joy, frustration or sadness without the public eye judging or criticizing them for it. However, If someone bursts into tears in the middle of a work meeting, they will most likely be labeled “weak.” Also, let it be stipulated that you are dealing with a mental health issue.

Now, someone who cries is not always going through depression or anxiety disorder. Crying is human, it is necessary and it is cathartic. It is a natural act, like eating, sleeping and breathing. Despite this, we continue to be insisted that we reserve these expressions for the private sphere. The ““He comes to work crying from home.” It is still very present in our society.

When you cry publicly, that person is perceived as less competent.

The stigma of crying in public

Crying is an exocrine act, that is, it is a physiological process in which a series of substances leave our body.. The same thing happens when we exhale or sweat. It is, therefore, a basic act for our homeostasis and human well-being. Despite this, no matter how natural it may be, we see with discomfort those who let tears fall like stones down their face.

However, despite the unwritten social mandates that tell us that This type of demonstration must take place in the private sphere, There is an interesting aspect. One that we sometimes overlook. The act of crying also has an evolutionary response and that is to awaken empathy and prosocial behavior. You must assist those who need help or comfort.

This act may have been carried out in the past. In the present, seeing someone cry generates discomfort because not everyone knows how to act – or wants to do so. Now, we live in that individualistic world in which everyone must solve their own problems. In private, we can let go of our sorrows and ordeals, but in the face of others we must show resolution, restraint and security.

Hold back your tears to appear competent (and even more so if you are a man)

That’s how it is, Crying in public is a stigma, and even more so if you are a man. Research from Tilburg University shows this. On the one hand, the impulse we often feel to want to provide help to those who cry was reaffirmed. However, this is also an ambivalent feeling.

The act of crying in public causes us to see that person as not very competent.. We will perceive it as warmer and more emotional, but if we need to carry out an important task, it is very possible that we will do without it. Likewise, this situation is especially pronounced in the male gender.

Men who occasionally cry publicly are seen as not very valid or efficient in their work responsibilities.

Crying in public continues to be misinterpreted

When a person bursts into tears in front of other people, the same reaction almost always occurs.. The “calm down” words appear and there is no shortage of “calm down” appeals. It’s as if whoever expresses her emotions is out of his or her mind. As if he had suffered an error in his internal programming and needed to be rebooted. Like the computer we work with every day.

The person who cries does not need to calm down; He needs to vent her emotions. Once again, we are urged to restraint, to calm, to be taken to a room where we can recover in secret. Tears are interpreted as a danger, as an indicator that balance, calm and reason have been lost. and that stability must be recovered.

All of this means that when we have “broken” ourselves in everyone’s eyes, we end up regretting it. It’s more, We may even end up thinking that there is something wrong with us for not knowing how to contain ourselves.. And no, it is not appropriate.

Crying is a normal and necessary physiological act.

Let’s update our beliefs about emotional crying

The vast majority of people are empathetic and seeing someone cry makes us feel uncomfortable. And this is because we want everyone to be well, for everyone around us to be happy, calm, in harmony.

However, our social narratives have inoculated us with very biased ideas about crying. All ideas that we must destroy.

Tears are a social lubricant

Tears are a powerful social lubricant that invites group communication. That is the key that we must keep in mind. When we see someone who breaks down in a specific situation and starts crying, let’s avoid telling them to calm down. Let’s remain silent if the only thing that comes to mind is “calm down.”

The most appropriate, cathartic and useful thing is to facilitate communication and emotional expression. Letting the person express what they feel and what happens to them will always be more appropriate. Our obligation is not, by any means, to solve other people’s problems. However, starting an empathetic dialogue, without passing judgment, will always be the most humane, simple and beneficial strategy.

Crying does not make us weak, it makes us authentic

People spend half their lives masking suffering. We leave the house with our mask on and when someone asks us how we are, we respond that it’s great. It doesn’t matter that our life is falling apart, the important thing is to appear normal and falsely happy.

However, there are those who cannot and do not know how to lie and when they feel broken, they cry. Doing so is not an act of weakness, but of authenticity. We can feel shame, it is true, and even fear of being judged. However, If we all normalized the act of crying in public, we would understand how human it is and how beneficial it can be.

Perhaps, we would be more altruistic towards each other, and we would even understand that we all deal with the same problems, life disappointments and worries. After all, Strong is not the one who endures the most, strong is the one who accepts what he feels, expresses it and looks for mechanisms to resolve what hurts.

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